Smelling the flowers

[Petunia]

Latest hot idea: full-height granite backsplash on the cooktop wall. From countertop to ceiling behind the range hood. If we go for it, we'd use the same granite that will be on the islands. That's atypical because normally the same granite that's on the adjoining countertop would be used. I asked for a price quote and now we wait. I also sent our GC an email just a few minutes ago asking him for a timeline. We really need that information. I hope he responds by end of day tomorrow. If not, he'll be getting a phone call. We need to know how to organize our weekends and when to put out an SOS to our friends for help with demo.

 

[Petunia]

What a busy, crazy past few days. Saturday was Bond's 46th birthday. We took the kids out for breakfast and then I ran Z to a DnD game (that had been cancelled, but he didn't get the notice) and Bond dropped S2 at home and took S3 to the office with him. I spent the next three hours running errands and the remainder of the day trimming shrubs. I'm almost done with all the shrubs - just one 20' long shrub on the front side of the walk and one little Spruce left to do.

Bond's company Halloween party was Saturday night. Pretty nice of them to throw him such a big party. All three of us, Bond, B, and I went. The theme was zombies and we totally rocked it. I had seen a video on low cost zombie costumes and makeup on Facebook by The Penny Hoarder, so Saturday I ran around and picked up all the stuff - and a luscious birthday cake for the birthday boy. B asked her BF's 13-year-old daughter to do our makeup (makeup artist in the making) and between her talent and my video we were pretty damn good zombies. Fun! Being out as a triad still trips my trigger. I get a kick out of seeing people catch onto the fact that we're all together. Bond is pretty open about his lifestyle, so he didn't try to hide the fact that he was with both of us and in what capacity. He even introduced us to the owner of the company as his girlfriends.

Sunday Bond planned on going to the office all day, but he got a late start because friends of mine came over to see the space we're demo'ing and offer tips. They are experienced DIYers and although I wasn't expecting to learn much new they did have some very useful advice. They also offered up their appliance dolly, sheeting to cover the hardwood floors in the rest of the house so we don't damage the floors when we move the refrigerator to the sunroom, and some very useful tools. They're coming over Wednesday night to help drop things off and help move the refrigerator. It was nice to build the friendship between them and Bond and strengthen my relationship with them. They were really good friends of mine prior to Twitch and I breaking up. For a time it seemed like they were just going to ghost on me following my divorce, but Franki said that our entire friend group kind of fractured when Twitch and I split. It seems that everyone is coming back together again, though, and that feels good.

As soon as they left I started emptying the kitchen. Nothing like discussing all the work to be done to make you feel like you're already way behind. I worked until 7:30 pm and my feet were throbbing from being on them for hours. Bond came home from work around 9 PM. We watched a couple of TV shows before bed, which should have eased my mind, but I still slept poorly. Bond has been sleeping poorly, too, because of the mess things are in at work. I decided that I really needed to take a sick day yesterday to complete emptying the kitchen. Once again I worked nonstop for hours on end, and I'm nearly done. I need to empty the sink cabinet and then all of the cabinets will be empty. There are a few things on the counters that people are using still, but they can stay out until Saturday. I made a demo supply trip to Menard's in the late afternoon, and then I cooked one last good meal (Shrimp Portofino) in the old kitchen for a belated birthday dinner for Bond. Megan stopped by to get the tags that were mailed to me for the car she's driving and she said that the temporary kitchen looks cute. It's not totally set up and things need to be rearranged, so I'm holding off judgement.

I'm still waiting to hear back on the cost of using granite for the backsplash. I'm pretty certain that it'll be cost prohibitive.

Bond's ex is going to a writers' convention, so we'll have the kids Wednesday to Tuesday. They have no school Thursday and Friday, so that makes it easier on Bond because he won't have to drive them to school. Nothing like jumping in with both feet to living with no kitchen right out of the gate!

 

[Petunia]

B messaged today that an old friend who has moved back to the area and she's been hanging out with has decided that he's interested in learning about polyamory. She's thrilled because she really likes him and is attracted to him. I'm happy for her, but I'm a feeling twinges of trepidation. Newly poly usually means lots of angst and struggles as one moves into a relationship structure that they've most likely never seen modeled and one that goes against all the norms they've come to accept regarding relationships. Additionally, I wonder how it will affect our relationship, too. I'm happy for her, though. She certainly could use more love in her life and for her to find someone she really enjoys, well, that's special.

M may stop by and visit Bond at work tonight. I wish that viper would just go away forever.

Tonight is most likely Bond's last crunch night. It will be so nice for that to be behind him. He took S3 (the 10 year old) with him to the office last night. I think they left the house at 8:30. He intended to home by 10:00 pm, but didn't get back until 11:30. The kids are off of school today and tomorrow, but holy cow! That's super late for S3.

I'm getting my hair done tonight. Good night for the viper to visit so I don't have to see her and I don't have to give up time with Bond for him to see her. I don't normally feel like that about other people in his life, but that woman is bad. She just is.

Oh, man! You should see the kitchen now that we moved the refrigerator and freezer out of there. Oh, and the washer and dryer are gone now, too. Getting close to demo day! The temporary kitchen is cute. I should snap a picture once it's totally set up.

So, the temp kitchen may be cute, but you know it's a temporary kitchen with no running water, no oven, and no cooktop. Imagine my surprise when Golden sent me an invitation to his family Thanksgiving that he's hosting. No fucking kitchen and he's hosting Thanksgiving. Last year was a ton of work and hours of clean-up. No running water in the temp kitchen. No. Running. Water. I am not helping with any of this. He and his family can lug dishes to the dishwasher in the basement. They can clean up after themselves. I am out. I cannot wait for him to move out.

 

[Petunia]

I got home from my hair appointment last night and found Bond in bed with the covers pulled up over his nose, fully dressed, including his hoodie. He was running a fever and shaking all over. I got him some Tylenol and piled on the covers. He slept pretty peacefully after that. I'm never sure if it's a good idea to pile on the covers when someone is burning up with fever. He did toss them off once he warmed up. He talked a lot in his sleep, but it nonsensical babble to my ear. I'll have to ask him if he recalls trying to talk to me.

He started getting the chills around 4 pm and crawled in bed at 8:00 pm. He slept through the night until 8 this morning. Still feverish this morning. He didn't go into work, but did take the boys to his work's Halloween parade (kids Trick or Treating in the office), at 11 am. I hope he didn't end up working the rest of the day.

I really hope he's feeling okay by tomorrow. I'm not sure I can orchestrate the demo without him and I'm sure he'll push himself to help even if he is sick instead of resting.

 

[Petunia]

Our kitchen demolition is complete and Bond ran a high fever through it all. Poor guy. Our friends were wonderful. I can hardly believe how fantastic everything went. Our contractor was a bit surprised when I sent him pictures Sunday afternoon of the completed demo. I think he thought it would drag out. Today he is coming by with the Pella Rep to firm things up with the new windows. He says work could begin before the end of the week and if not, then the beginning of next week.

From this:

To this:

 

[Petunia]

Sunday afternoon Bond and I were at the appliance store ordering our range hood when I got news via Facebook that Josie, Twitch's dog, had passed away. She had passed two days prior, but Twitch was just posting the news Sunday. I'm sure he's devastated. I let my kids know and my youngest said, "I'll be honest, I have been much less sad about people dying." Yeah, we all loved that dog so much. She played ball with so many kids over the years. My house always overflowed with kids and she loved them and they her.

Today Twitch and Shasti's little boy turns two. I know because Facebook reminded me. Sigh.

I read through the memory and found this that I had written:

I think [Twitch] and I are both feeling rushed by his life moving onto such a big life event right on the heels of our divorce. He has struggled with shame and feelings of having wronged me by this happening. There is a part of me that is thankful that he understands this and also feels the hurt.

But his son had nothing to do with the timing and he deserves to be loved fully. He deserves to have a daddy who can embrace being present in his life. And to that end I can have an influence. I can be the cheerleader that tells Don he can do this. That he gets a do-over and he can take his experiences and decide what type of father he wants to be and become that.

[Friend], I will put telling [Shasti] off on hold indefinitely because there is a bigger picture and it trumps everything else.

I also don't want to harbor that rot inside. I think it's time to start loving me again. Time to get back in shape! ​

Life does move on and I was able to move on. I'm so happy with Bond. I feel so grateful to have him in my life and to have such a solid, healthy relationship with someone who understands me and complements me. Yes, I still miss Twitch and I still love him, but what I have found with Bond is so much better on so many fronts. Looking back too closely causes bursts of pain, but I'm pretty okay with leaving that in the past and I've moved forward.

 

[Petunia]

Google Chat with Twitch today:

Twitch: I miss our old life and what we had going everyday and wish I could go back and fix things. This week didn't help​

Me: We had a lot of good. I miss it, too. I miss that it was "ours" and it felt like we belonged 100%.

Twitch: I really messed up and forgot how happy you make me. I think of you and us everyday. I may not have kept cards but I have everything else and remember all the things we did. Like pictures in front of the big grandfather clock. I miss so many things about us and our life
I just wish I wasn't such a dumb ass

Me: I spent months thinking about those things and it hurt to the point where I thought I'd lose my life over it. I had to let myself move on and heal. I think you need to find a way to do that too.

More like made myself move on. I finally went on an antidepressant.
I wasn't on it long, but it did help me make new thought patterns.

Twitch: Probably won't happen
It is what it is
it is called Karma
I have to go and get some things done but I want you to know that that greatest day in my life was the day we got married and the worst day of my life was when I let you go. I hope everything works out for you. You are the best person I know. You truly deserve great things in your life and if you ever need anything I will always be there.

Me (after a break): I had to step away, but thanks. I'll always love you and I honestly wish for you to find happiness.
​

 

[Petunia]

We may have a kid-free weekend! Or most of the weekend. Bond is going to ask his wife if she'll keep the kids this weekend seeing as we had them for 6 days while she was at a writers' conference. However, Golden is having his son's birthday party Friday night, so that mucks things up. His son's bday was 9/14, so it's really delayed and as luck would have it falls on the weekend we're attempting to be kid-free. I expect that in the end we'll have them overnight Friday night now and it'll take half the day Saturday to get them back to their mother's. Sigh. I'd really love an easy weekend with no kids to contend with. I want to select kitchen paint, visit a lighting store and make a final decision on a light fixture for over the seating island, and order cabinet hardware. I'd actually also like to go to the tile store and make a decision on backsplash tile. (We decided against the full granite backsplash.) I have samples of tile ordered, so if something has to give, it'll be the tile. Because we want to run our backsplash to the ceiling behind the range hood we can't wait until everything is in the kitchen before we make a decision on tile.

It's really frustrating getting to all these stores, because they have limited hours so it's not possible to go after work and even their Saturday hours are limited. The paint store that our GC wants us to use is open from 8am-2pm. The cabinet hardware store is open from 9am-1pm. The tile store is open from 9am-12pm. The lighting store has the longest hours, and is open from 10am-5pm. The paint and lighting stores are on the same road and the hardware store is 4 miles in one direction from those two stores and the tile store is about the same in another direction. They're all pretty close which should help us check all these things off our to-do list. Not having kids to contend with would really make this more attainable.

My daughter is doing well. She's enjoying living with her cousin and she likes her job. I hope that this leads to a more stable life and more satisfaction with life for her.

 

[Petunia]

Yesterday morning when Bond and I were getting ready for work we were talking about him asking his wife to keep the kids this weekend and I told him that she would probably try to get us to have them part of the weekend, because that's how she rolls. She is pretty self-centered and she knows he's easy to manipulate and she has no compunction pushing her agenda to get her way. I have figured that out after this much time.

She really pissed me off when we came back from Texas and she wouldn't take the kids until the next day. He had not set a firm return day/time and said we may possibly not be back until the next day, but most likely would be back on the day we returned on. Well, she automatically set the day she was taking the kids to the later date. So, he asked her to keep the kids this weekend and she was like, "Oh. Well, how about I bring them over early Saturday afternoon." He told her that he had shopping to do and no, not until late afternoon.

I was so annoyed when I heard this. I reminded him that we have a party to go to on Saturday night for his Beatdown group. I also reminded him that I had sent him a message about Golden's son's bday party being Friday night. He said that he didn't connect that with the kids being with their mother. I suggested that we take the kids Friday night and she come get them Saturday morning. He started a text convo with her then and the end result is that we'll have them overnight Friday night and they can hang out while we do morning shopping, then we'll take them to their mother's.

This morning while we were getting ready Bond got a message from Bea saying that she is free this weekend. That never happens! After that Bond asked if we have the Beatdown party Saturday night. Then he followed up with maybe he could find time to meet for lunch. I'm waiting now to hear that he's made plans with her. I am trying to not feel like I am the one losing something here, but it's hard. I rarely have a weekend with just Bond and I was so excited that we were going to have that. Now I'm feeling down because it's getting chopped into small bits. I'm worried that it'll get chipped down so small that it'll feel like a regular day where all we have is a little window of time for running errands. I want the luxury of a full day or weekend.

 

[SNeacail]

Now I'm feeling down because it's getting chopped into small bits. I'm worried that it'll get chipped down so small that it'll feel like a regular day where all we have is a little window of time for running errands. I want the luxury of a full day or weekend.

Running errands doesn't count as time together - that's just everyday life. I do believe that you should say something NOW! I also think you two need to have a long talk about setting aside more days just for the two of you - he needs to know that you are feeling neglected and taken for granted.

 

[Petunia]

Thanks, SNeacail. I'm feeling very selfish and like I'm peeing in the pool. Seems like no matter what happens now that the shine is off the weekend. I hate that and I feel like I caused it.

IM with Bond:

yes. unknown details. but she will be in town at some point. she's aware of my time crunch and said she'd fit it around my schedule. any preferences?

Just feeling uncharitable about it. I was going to ask if you'd go with me to [college town] (if Taylor is available) on Sunday to celebrate Taylor's bday which is Monday. I guess I could go alone. I'm sad though because we rarely get weekend time without the kids and now it's being whittled down, so that instead of it feeling freeing and special it may just end up feeling like errand time.

k, so if i see her saturday, then sunday i'm all yours.

Fuck.

?

Just not fucking dealing well with this. So disappointed that my weekend is ending up like this. I was excited and now I'm not.

i am sad that you are sad. i am trying to be considerate. but i just don't understand.
you asked for kids off. done for sat night and sun.

I thought we were going to have the luxury of a full day or weekend to ourselves. Then it was part of the weekend, but still sizable. Emotionally it was feeling like our Door County getaway. Now it's getting chopped into pieces. I would guess that on your end it's feeling like more + more and that's all "yay!" and wonderful, because you're having things added. I'm having things taken away.

Do whatever you want. I'll deal with it.

I'll take myself to the movies or something.

What time of day were you thinking of seeing Bea? I can change my Maybe for Church's party to a Can't Go if you would like the evening.​

 

[breathemusic]

Sounds like maybe he interpreted your desire for a kids free weekend to be more about not having the responsibility of helping with kids and less about having an entire weekend of dedicated time with each other (that this was more of a pleasant side effect)?

Maybe it would help next time to make sure you're both on the same page with the end goal of what you really want? It sucks though that you had a whole plan of what was going to happen and now that's not looking like it will though. I can definitely empathize!

 

[SNeacail]

Do whatever you want. I'll deal with it.

I'll take myself to the movies or something.

This part is a bit passive aggressive. Is there something he could do to "FIX" this weekend, so you don't feel the way your currently feeling? Let him know that you would like him to make it up to you.

I would suggest having a face to face conversation about this:

• Find ways to schedule more time for just the two of you in the future
• Be clear on what is expected on a scheduled weekend/day, etc (No kids, no last minute additions, etc).
• What can he do to avoid all the missteps. Like if it's one of the "scheduled" alone weekends he needs to stick to it and let everyone else know this was YOUR weekend or day. Personally, I'm ok with changing things around, IF I'm consulted first (not while he still on the phone with the other person) and we can come to a mutually agreed on an alternative.
• How can you make it clear the importance of the weekend or day?

You had expectations that were not clearly communicated to him, you just assumed he understood, and now things have been all turned upside down. No assumptions - it bites us in the ass every time.

This situation hits home for me. We'd make plans for dinner and all of a sudden, he'd invited 4 other people to join us. "I finally had to say, lets go to dinner - this is just us, please don't invite anyone else". Took me a long time to realize I needed to stand up for myself and my needs. My husband is the type who likes being in a crowd and making himself busier is a good thing - it makes me want to climb in a hole.

 

[Petunia]

breathemusic, you stated that so well that I actually used it in my reply to Bond. Thanks.

SNeacail, that does sound passive aggressive, but I was trying to be sincere. I looked up movie times and found two movies that I've been wanting to see and my attitude was improving to the point where I felt composed and like I could salvage my weekend from being in an emotional toilet.

Where things are at now:

As I said, I don't have plans yet. She's going to work around my schedule.
I thought you and i would go to that. It sounds like you have a lot of plans and expectations for this weekend. And that's fine. Just need to know.

I wonder if you interpreted my desire for a kids-free weekend to be more about not having responsibility of helping with the kids and less about having an entire stretch of dedicated time with each other. Yes, I did put a lot on the calendar out of necessity and also because we enjoy doing these kitchen remodel related things, but I thought it would be balanced with the other. For the record, I'm not terribly keen on going to [college town], but I thought in the end it would feel good to have done that for Taylor so I was entertaining the idea. I was going to say something this morning, but then Bea popped into the weekend.​

I will take your advice and have a conversation with him about my desire to have some special time with him. We rarely go out as a twosome and sometimes this bites me in the ass. It sneaks up on me and surprises me. I think it's most likely to happen when I realize that the universe is presenting something extra delicious and I start to get excited and then suddenly it gets pulled away. Up until that moment I am unaware that I'm building expectations in regards to the extra delicious thing.

I should several things going forward.

1. Intentionally plan for extra delicious thing to happen, and
2. If an unexpected delicious thing materializes, I should express to my partner that I'm identifying this as an extra special thing.

 

[Petunia]

Still shocked by the election. Scared and saddened for our country, for women, minorities, non-Christians, LGBTQ people, our children, our environment. Pretty much on all fronts.

Trump's Russian association is beyond scary. Where he could lead our country considering that is truly frightening.

I was reading his first 100 days wish list and it's sobering.

I'm looking for ways to make a difference. Grassroots efforts at building community and breaking down barriers seems to be something within my reach that I could work on. I'm feeling hampered by my job to be able to work in a more direct route politically. I signed a nonpartisan agreement when I was hired which really limits direct political affiliation. I'd love to quit this job and dream of the day I can. Maybe I'll work harder at making that happen sooner than later.

Work started this week on our kitchen. This was taken this morning by Golden, because Bond and I both forgot to do it. We're going to start taking a daily picture so we have a photographic history of the remodel.

Kitchen Remodel Day 3: taken from back slider looking towards front sink window. Open spot is where the old window was. Large blue rectangle is the opening for the new window.

Our lead carpenter's name is Tom and he's an old hippy. He's the shadowy figure in the pic. I'm sure he's competent, but yesterday he clipped the wire from our home security system to the window he took out and tossed the device that goes into the window. He was able to find the device, so hopefully we'll be able to reinstall it when the new window goes in. He also clipped all the wires that went into a junction box rather than reconnecting them, and now we have no lights in the living room, dining room, or the sunroom. Thankfully the outlet the refrigerator in the sunroom is plugged into still has power.

Yesterday afternoon we had the walk-through with the electrician. That took a considerable amount of time. When we were dealing with the first GC we covered so much stuff about how we wanted things and what would work and what wouldn't. But when we hired this GC it was rather quick and we are realizing that they simply don't know all the things because of the brevity of our interactions. So yesterday was really productive and I feel much better going forward. The GC, the carpenters, the electrician, and our cabinet guy were all together and we discussed the project in its entirety - or so it seemed.

Today the plumber is doing the rough-in. Tomorrow the electrician starts.

 

[Petunia]

I spent most of my time at Polycocktails last night talking to a friend about the election and our new president elect. She's incredibly stressed, but has started functioning and is strategizing how best to make a positive impact. She was sporting a safety pin that she had painted purple with nail polish. She has a whole rainbow of them. She and her husband's girlfriend are working to get themselves a collection of colorful ones. Meanwhile, I have 250 minus a handful of them sitting on my dining room table and I forgot to pin one on my outfit before leaving the house. I'm so slow to adopt new habits. Make a plan and blow right past it because it's not part of the routine. Sigh. Today I pinned three to my lunch bag and one to my sweater tunic. Once I got to work I transferred one to my purse strap and one to my jacket from the lunch bag. Now I'm wondering if I need to bling them out or paint them like Lori did.

Lori, her husband, and their 18 year old daughter are going to the Women's March on Washington. I signed up to join the one here, but they are driving to D.C. and taking part in the big one. That's a 13 hour drive.

She's also on top of all the businesses that have supported Trump via donations, congratulations, or carry his product lines and is boycotting them. I was all down with that until she said that Amazon was on the boycott list. Sob. I don't know if I can live in a world without Amazon. Maybe if I didn't work fulltime and have a crazy household I could transition to other sources, but Amazon makes my life manageable. I have a button to order toilet paper for goodness sakes!

Big decisions happening. We really are influenced by those around us.

B told Bond that she is going to start dating TheShrink again. I can't believe she's going back to that. She said he was boring and he totally has daddy issues. It's a stupid idea, if you ask me.

Today is my daughter's 31st birthday. She doesn't like her birthday anymore which makes me sad. I hope that someday her life is so full and stable that she loves her special day again.

 

[Petunia]

Random.

 

[Petunia]

Message from Bond today to B and me:

with all the drama and turmoil i've had, I want to point out that my relationships with you are the best thing i've felt in a *long* time. I sometimes just think about us and smile. You two bring so much joy and love. I love you both so much! <3​

Sweet and so like him. He really is the best person I know. He tells me often that he loves me, so I don't know why I was kind of sad to get this message as part of a group and not singularly to me. More work to do on my behalf, I think. I felt a twinge of jealousy (?) not sure it really was jealousy as I don't fear any loss. More like a feeling that I'm not more special to him than anyone else and that is pure selfishness on my part. Maybe fear of status loss. Yes, that seems to be it. But it's not a real loss if I examine it. And although I felt a twinge, I am not overly concerned and focused on it. Our love is vast and it flows both directions.

Tonight we are having a Friday Family night at B's. B's kids have been hoping to see Bond's, so tonight we're making it happen. Ever since Bond entered into crunch at work the boys have been going back to their mom's early on Sundays and that's traditionally when we'd get together for Sunday Fun Day with B's crew. Tonight we're picking up take and bake pizzas and heading to B's. Tomorrow night I'm doing something with Franki. I haven't seen her since our demolition weekend and before that it had been several months. It'll be nice to have some friend time with her. I'm not sure what we're going to do yet.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend at a restaurant nearby my work, and I realized that we are putting the same light fixture as they have over our seating island. It's really nice, but it's also huge and now I'm worried it'll be oversized for our space. I also realized that behind the salad bar area the tiling looks a lot like the Fireclay Thin Brick we are using for our backsplash. Their wood is walnut. I remember being in love with the new look after their remodel last year, but I didn't realize I was recreating the same look in our new kitchen. I don't remember ever taking notice of the center light fixture as there is a lot of visual candy in the room, so I am totally bowled over by the fact that we bought the same one. We won't have the walnut cabinets they have because of switching to cherry to lower the cost and that changes the warmth/color tone of the room. We had to change our initial flooring choice to one that has beige tones and we'll need to pick a brick color that isn't bright white or cool gray. Our counter stools are bronze and the chairs in the restaurant have bronze upholstery. Feeling a mixture of validation and creeped out. LOL

 

[Petunia]

I pinned a safety pin to my sweater on Tuesday. I also walked past a homeless person and averted my eyes and I continued to do that each and every day this week. I started doing that a couple of years ago when the number of homeless people living and panhandling on the route I walk to my parking garage increased due to our mayor displacing them from outside the courthouse. It also coincided with my daughter needing a lot of financial help to keep her from becoming homeless.

My internal dialog is always defending myself with a narrative that goes something like, "You can't help everyone. Your first priority is your own daughter." But is that true? What would it mean for me to give a couple of dollars each day to someone in need? Someone I probably pass every day on my way to and from work. Someone who’s face, or should I say silhouette because I rarely meet their gaze, has become familiar to me. Would it mean risking a roof over my head? No, I’m fortunate enough that it wouldn’t jeopardize my housing situation. Would it mean no food on the table? No, I’m more fortunate than that. For me, the bottom line is that at most it will mean it’ll take longer to pay off my debt.

Today on my way to grab some lunch I passed a young man with a toddler in a stroller. He was sitting on a bench. He had just emptied a snack-sized bag of Cheetos onto the tray of the stroller and his little son was grabbing for them. His attention appeared to be divided between the child and passersby. As I approached a business man stopped and engaged him in conversation. I overheard him say something about the shelter. I didn’t stop, but continued onto the deli I was heading to. I decided I’d order a second lunch and offer it to him. If he turned me down, I’d find someone else to offer it to. He was all alone with the baby when I returned. I walked up and before he was able to ask me for a handout I asked him if he’d like a chicken dinner. He was like, “Yeah!” As I walked away I heard him tell his son, “We have a chicken dinner.”

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be him with a little one and out on the street.

Giving a meal made me feel a bit better, but mostly I feel guilty for how far and few between my gifts have been in the past couple of years. I’m reading stories on Pantsuit Nation of people reaching out to others and they’ve inspired me to start being a more giving person again. I’m planning on buying socks and toiletries to pass out.

I wear a safety pin. I need to live up to that.

 

[Petunia]

Light the way

I mentioned last week that I spotted the same light fixture that we purchased for our island in a restaurant and being struck by the sheer size of it. Sunday afternoon I got Bond to go with me to see it in person. Wowzer, huge. It was painful to realize that it would simply be oversized for our kitchen, but we started our search again. Yesterday we found one that uses Edison-style light bulbs and it's appropriately sized for our island. The best part is that Bond found it cheaper directly on the manufacturer's website and on sale. He combined 3 different discounts and dropped the price down $130 some dollars. Which is great, because it should cover the cost of shipping the other one back.

Before placing the order, though, Bond wanted to check the measurements for certain on the first one. We spent a about an hour last night measuring and calculating before finally conceding that a tall person could bump their head on it, because it would be so close to the edge of the island. Because it's triangular shaped it made it hard to determine how this would actually sit over the island. (One thing we did figure out was that the one in the restaurant is its bigger brother.)

Second Choice, but a goodie.

Yesterday the workers finished putting up the sheetrock in the kitchen and the mechanical room (something Golden and Bond have been working on for over a year.) The mechanical room has the furnace, humidifier, water heater, and water softener. It used to be part of a larger room in the basement.

All that's left is to order the backsplash from Fireclay. I need to measure around the window one more time and then contact my rep at Fireclay and confirm square footage and whether or not we need the specialized pieces for the corners at the window bump out.

It'll be a relief to be past the decision making stage and simply be a bystander and watch it all come together.

I woke to Facebook notifications that B had posted pictures of me. She recycles her pictures all the time. Drives Bond crazy, because it's misleading as it appears to be newly added pics. Whatever.

She made one picture of her and me her profile picture. When I look at it I am struck by how much weight I've gained in the past year. The other is of B and me and Franki sitting on her dock. It's a "standard pose" shot with both of their hands on my boobs. Oy vey. I wonder what Bond's mother and my old boss think. Well, I guess they are getting to know me!

Speaking of weight gain: Bond and I were talking yesterday morning and once we have our kitchen back we're going to start dieting. I think we'll both feel better. I'm already steeling myself to deal with the likelihood that he'll lose weight faster because he's a man. Sigh.