Inaniel
Well-known member
It was an unremarkable night. Abby had a job interview the following morning, I was recruited to help her pick out a nice outfit, and mentally prepare.
I wanted something healthy for dinner, the decision was made to meet at the store after work; Target specifically because Abby needed to buy an ironing board. How this woman got so far in her professional career without owning an ironing board I'll never understand, but I digress.
I arrived at the store before Abby, and suddenly remembered I failed to let Jasmine know I was going to stay with Abby that night...
Let me back up. My beloved conservative christian family all simultaneously decided to pile into Colorado recently. My sister and her husband moved here in June, and my mother and father in October. I have lived here in a poly realtionship with Jasmine since 2012, and we have been well insulated from family during this time.
When my family moved here we had a decision to make; spend less time with Abby or bring her in. I couldn't justify prioritising my family over Abby so we brought her in and introduced her as a friend to my family.
Alright, back to that fateful night.. I'm at Target browsing the salmon selection and quickly redirect my attention to my phone; I shot off a text to Jasmine saying:
"I'm going to stay with Abby tonight, if that's ok with you"
My phone buzzes a few moments later and I see a text from my mother:
"That message went to the wrong person..."
My heart sank... I double checked my phone and to my utter horror, I in fact sent that message to my mother. I glared at my phone for a moment in disbelief, before looking up to a spinning vegetable isle. I was choking, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I was paralyzed...
I needed some air so I started straight for the exit, almost forgetting I had a basket of groceries in hand. I turned around to place my basket on a shelf and there's Abby: "Boo!" She was in stitches for a moment, until realizing I looked like I literally just saw a ghost... I took her by the hand and we exited to store where I confessed what I had done..
I called Jasmine as she was picking-up our daughter from daycare, I was freaked, and Jasmine freaked. I went straight home to discuss our options; ultimately the decision was made to disclose the situation to my parents...
We called them that night and disclosed our poly lifestyle as well as Jasmine's bisexuality.
We focused on the following points:
-We are happy and all very much in love.
-Our daughter is our biggest priority.
-We love them (my mother and father) very much, and hope for their love and acceptance in return.
My mother cried, and my father bombarded us with "what if" questions. It took a while to break through their brute monogamous tinted objections.
Nevertheless, our first conversation actually went quite well. I think it went well because my mother was releaved we weren't splitting up.. However we had a follow up conversation about a week later that didn't go as well.
My mother communicated the following things to me:
-She wishes we would change our mind.
-She feels like it was inconsiderate to choose this lifestyle considering how much it would hurt her.
-She feels like my father was a very good role model and she is hurt that I didn't end up with his values.
-This revelation almost "broke her".
-If I was to have a child with anyone but Jasmine it would "break her".
-She doesn't want me to tell anyone else in the family because she can't bare the thought of having to explain it to my aunt's and uncle's. (I told her flat out that I will be telling my sister)
-She requested I wait until after my sister's pregnancy to disclose it to her. To which I agreed, she is having so many struggles with her health, I don't want to add stress to her life.
My mother's other concerns revolved around my child, understandably so... I think we did a good job relieving those fears. I confided in my mother some of my personal fears, specifically the custody of my child being challenged by them. My mother said she thinks we are wonderful parents and would never dream of doing that on the basis of our alternative lifestyle. So.. Things could be worse right?
I haven't talked to either of my parents since the last conversation. In fact, my father didn't even want to take part in the second conversation and was absent,I haven't heard from him since first night.
I've come into a dark place over the subsequent weeks. I have a growing sense of hopelessness. I feel like things will never be the same with my parents ever again. I fear that they don't think I love Jasmine anymore. I fear my father will never warm up to Jasmine ever again..
I vasalate between the despair of losing my parents respect and freedom of them knowing who I am. Sometimes I want to reach out, be vulnerable with them, and bring them in; to show them our love.. And sometimes I just want to get the hell out of here and move across the country so I'm not constantly reminded of the failure they think I am. I want to cry, and I want to fight; in the end I'm afraid I'm lost in doubt.
One glimmering point that I draw strength from is I have no regrets for the way I live, and the way I love. Abby and Jasmine bring me joy every single day of my life, the break even analysis on this equation is a no brainier.
Thanks for listening.
I wanted something healthy for dinner, the decision was made to meet at the store after work; Target specifically because Abby needed to buy an ironing board. How this woman got so far in her professional career without owning an ironing board I'll never understand, but I digress.
I arrived at the store before Abby, and suddenly remembered I failed to let Jasmine know I was going to stay with Abby that night...
Let me back up. My beloved conservative christian family all simultaneously decided to pile into Colorado recently. My sister and her husband moved here in June, and my mother and father in October. I have lived here in a poly realtionship with Jasmine since 2012, and we have been well insulated from family during this time.
When my family moved here we had a decision to make; spend less time with Abby or bring her in. I couldn't justify prioritising my family over Abby so we brought her in and introduced her as a friend to my family.
Alright, back to that fateful night.. I'm at Target browsing the salmon selection and quickly redirect my attention to my phone; I shot off a text to Jasmine saying:
"I'm going to stay with Abby tonight, if that's ok with you"
My phone buzzes a few moments later and I see a text from my mother:
"That message went to the wrong person..."
My heart sank... I double checked my phone and to my utter horror, I in fact sent that message to my mother. I glared at my phone for a moment in disbelief, before looking up to a spinning vegetable isle. I was choking, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I was paralyzed...
I needed some air so I started straight for the exit, almost forgetting I had a basket of groceries in hand. I turned around to place my basket on a shelf and there's Abby: "Boo!" She was in stitches for a moment, until realizing I looked like I literally just saw a ghost... I took her by the hand and we exited to store where I confessed what I had done..
I called Jasmine as she was picking-up our daughter from daycare, I was freaked, and Jasmine freaked. I went straight home to discuss our options; ultimately the decision was made to disclose the situation to my parents...
We called them that night and disclosed our poly lifestyle as well as Jasmine's bisexuality.
We focused on the following points:
-We are happy and all very much in love.
-Our daughter is our biggest priority.
-We love them (my mother and father) very much, and hope for their love and acceptance in return.
My mother cried, and my father bombarded us with "what if" questions. It took a while to break through their brute monogamous tinted objections.
Nevertheless, our first conversation actually went quite well. I think it went well because my mother was releaved we weren't splitting up.. However we had a follow up conversation about a week later that didn't go as well.
My mother communicated the following things to me:
-She wishes we would change our mind.
-She feels like it was inconsiderate to choose this lifestyle considering how much it would hurt her.
-She feels like my father was a very good role model and she is hurt that I didn't end up with his values.
-This revelation almost "broke her".
-If I was to have a child with anyone but Jasmine it would "break her".
-She doesn't want me to tell anyone else in the family because she can't bare the thought of having to explain it to my aunt's and uncle's. (I told her flat out that I will be telling my sister)
-She requested I wait until after my sister's pregnancy to disclose it to her. To which I agreed, she is having so many struggles with her health, I don't want to add stress to her life.
My mother's other concerns revolved around my child, understandably so... I think we did a good job relieving those fears. I confided in my mother some of my personal fears, specifically the custody of my child being challenged by them. My mother said she thinks we are wonderful parents and would never dream of doing that on the basis of our alternative lifestyle. So.. Things could be worse right?
I haven't talked to either of my parents since the last conversation. In fact, my father didn't even want to take part in the second conversation and was absent,I haven't heard from him since first night.
I've come into a dark place over the subsequent weeks. I have a growing sense of hopelessness. I feel like things will never be the same with my parents ever again. I fear that they don't think I love Jasmine anymore. I fear my father will never warm up to Jasmine ever again..
I vasalate between the despair of losing my parents respect and freedom of them knowing who I am. Sometimes I want to reach out, be vulnerable with them, and bring them in; to show them our love.. And sometimes I just want to get the hell out of here and move across the country so I'm not constantly reminded of the failure they think I am. I want to cry, and I want to fight; in the end I'm afraid I'm lost in doubt.
One glimmering point that I draw strength from is I have no regrets for the way I live, and the way I love. Abby and Jasmine bring me joy every single day of my life, the break even analysis on this equation is a no brainier.
Thanks for listening.
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