Tales from the Time Share Wife

Things have been going really well. Nate and I went down to Little Rock for the weekend for the comic convention so he could sell his books and prints. Then we ventured around Eureka Springs for a few hours. It was a nice trip before school started.

Nate has been talking to this lady through Craigslist (Terry). Turns out they have a lot of mutual friends (because all the Fet people know each other lol). She works in my industry, and Sam's mom knows her too.

She invited us to meet her at a local dungeon for rope night. I'm not really interested in meeting potential metamours, but it's important to Nate that I be friends with someone he may be long term with. So I met her and she seemed warm and friendly. I added her on Facebook and later Nate met up with her for some sexy time. They plan to see each other again Sat night. She's into art as well, mutual friends, etc., so I'm hoping they match up on an intellectual level. I'm hoping this works out for him. Seems like she and her boyfriend, whom we also met, have a good relationship and have been poly for awhile.
 
Things with Sam have evened out to this really comfortable place. I feel like we've become very good friends these past 7 months. We both got gym memberships and will be working out together and focusing a lot of our time together on fitness, instead of drinking and eating out.

Nate has been depressed and we've been working on natural things that can help him with that. I don't think it has anything to do with Sam and me being a couple or anything. This is just how Nate is. I try really hard not to take it personally. Even when he tells me he's sorry for not loving me, I know that he really does. He just thinks that if he isn't having a huge surge of amorous feelings, then he must not. In general, he's pretty apathetic about most things. But we've been getting along so well, we laugh, we tease, we cuddle and kiss. I feel like we are a couple in love, even if he wont admit it.

Jane and Dan broke up for good. She's just waiting for Dan and Mandy to get out of her house. She's been staying here a lot, which is fine with me, as I'm only here Thur, Fri and Sunday nights anyway. I love Jane and welcome her company, so even if I were home, it wouldn't matter.

Nate and Jane have resumed their sexual relationship. She is starting school soon and is having us watch her kids for her. In exchange, she will clean our house. I'm happy with this exchange, as Nate isn't the best at keeping the house clean. (He's a stay at home dad.) I don't have time to clean, what with my full time job and going to school full time.

Nate has a few new women he's talking to. He fooled around with a friend of ours from the Fet community, Amy. They may be seeing each other regularly in the future. He has a date with another gal from Fet named Deanna. They are going out to lunch today. He seems really jazzed about her, because they seem to have a good rapport. She could be someone that he would seriously like to date. Deanna is married and has mostly been a swinger with her husband, but they do not have sex with each other. (There's some kind of mommy roleplaying going on there.)

Nate also has been talking to this chick named Faye for a while that he's somewhat interested in fooling around with. Her husband is poly and has a girlfriend. Up until now, she wasn't allowed to have other partners. (He is really controlling.) But they broke up. I'm not sure if anything will go down with them though, because Faye will still be living with the controlling husband, so I don't know how feasible her having lovers would really be.

Terry messaged me on Facebook. Turns out I met her years ago because we worked for the same company and I would occasionally fill in at the house she worked at. Small world! Looking forward to hanging out with her and getting to know her better. Nate and I may be going to hang out with her on Friday.

I'm really glad for Nate that he's been having a lot of fun with his lady friends. He has many, but Deanna might just be a good fit for him. Their relationship could be mutually beneficial to both of them, since he wants someone that he can date and she wants a regular sex partner that isn't a douchebag.
 
The date went well. He left at 1pm. He texted me after 5 saying that he just got home. They went out to this little Peruvian place that I've been to a couple times and apparently enjoyed each other's company. He said that she's really silly and I know he likes that. Sounds like a second date could be in their future. I'm glad he likes her. She's a lot cuter than most of the women he's been hooking up with.
 
Nate is planning on taking Deanna to the movies tomorrow. I asked him what was up. Like, was he going out as friends, or was he going to "date" her even though they can't have sex? (He said a couple days ago he wasn't even sure if he wanted to bother.) Or was he going to see if her husband and she would be willing to abolish the no hosting rule? Well, instead of answering me, he stomped off and decided suddenly that he was tired, even though we had just rented a movie to watch together. I told him I think he was just punishing me for being nosy, and he was all, "Oh, so now I'm a liar?" Bullshit. He wasn't tired. He was in a good mood until I asked him the questions. It pisses me off that I'm expected to share and communicate with him, but I ask a few simple question and he completely retreats and shuts down.

Lesson learned? I'm not asking him shit again.
 
Things are back to normal this morning. We cuddled and talked all morning. I think he views my questions as meddlesome and he thinks I tend to sabotage. I'm going to have to be careful with showing negativity about Deanna. I think part of the issue last night was Jane was with us, and she was somewhat hurt that Nate was trying to wine and dine Deanna, but she never got such treatment. I think the entire year and a half they were together together, he only went out one-on-one on movie dates with her a couple of times. I'd be hurt too, but Nate always found her to be kind of boring, so he preferred group dates with her. (Like last night, I invited her to come with us, although she and I left him with his artist friends while we did our own thing.)

I've come to the conclusion that I'm just never going to like anyone that Nate does, and again I'm annoyed he's dating someone in a group that we circle in, so if I'm ever going to go to any of the Fet events, I will have to see her.
 
Now he's being pissy with me because I told him that after this date he needs to make it known that he needs to go Dutch. For some reason, he paid for their first dinner date, which was fine, but then he said, "Let me take you to a movie" OK. It's a $5 movie. Which means again he'd be paying. I offered to give him a dating allowance, so he could budget for it, if it was really important for him to treat. (I'm surprised he's acting this way because this hasn't been an issue before.) But his first response was to get defensive and say he was cancelling the date. And he told her that he had to cancel because he couldn't afford it. So she offered to do something for free instead. (I'm not sure what her financial situation is, but she didn't offer to treat or pay her own way, so maybe she cant afford to date?)

He basically accused me of sabotage, saying I was jealous and that was why I said this. I am in charge of the bills and I know we can't afford to treat. This has always been the case! This is nothing new. I just didn't want him setting a precedent, where he pays her way.

Again, this is a case where he likes someone and gets defensive with me when I make sure we have boundaries in place.
 
I think I know why it bothers me when nate is seeing someone he likes. He lets me know on a daily basis that he doesn't love me, its turning me into a neurotic mess. Last night he walked to the sex shop to hang out with her since he couldn't find his keys. I felt so sick to my stomach until he got home. This kind of reaction isn't typical for me. It makes me really sad that any shred of feeling he does have for me could disappear completely once nre sets in. Im terrified for the future of my marriage :(
 
I've come to the conclusion that I can't let the lack of "I love yous" mess with me. I know he freaking loves me. For whatever reason, he chooses not to say it. But the amount of affection he gives me shows me how much he cares.

In other news, Jane has been staying with us quite a bit because Dan and Mandy refuse to leave Jane's home. The landlord changed the locks. They aren't on the lease. They broke the door down. The police won't do anything because she allowed them to stay for than 30 days, so now they have squatter's rights. So now Jane has to pay $125 so the landlord can legally evict them. She's already sent her furniture back to the rent a center, so they don't have the couches to sleep on anymore. She would have the utilities turned off, but she doesn't have the money to get them turn back on later. I think it's really shitty of them to stay where they aren't wanted.
 
Nate has been very affectionate with me lately. It's been amazing, actually. I feel really good about our relationship. He's going out with Deanna this evening and is excited to see her. Last night we went over to Terry's house and all cuddled and watched movies. I cant wait to do that again. I think Terry can be someone that I can develop a friendship with. We have plans to get together with an old coworker or ours for some crafts soon.

Sam went down to the local haunted house and beat everyone else out who auditioned for a scary clown. I'm really glad that he gave it a shot. He told me that friends had encouraged him to do this in the past, but he never had.

We have been working on getting his apartment furnished and to make it more homey. I thought that this was going to be "my home" too, but I don't really think that is the case. He doesn't like to be criticized, but I can't help that-- it's my nature. I think if I put it in my head that this is his home, that I am a guest, then I will be less inclined to do that.
 
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Sam got upset with me when I complained about getting bitten by fleas while I was at this place, and noticed in my attempt to vacuum them up that his vacuum belt was broken. I had also gone out of my way to buy a new cat box, air fresheners, etc. (The one that he currently has smells so bad it makes me want to vomit.) I messaged him to let him know he needed more cat litter. I thought he would appreciate my help. I never expected the rude response that I got from him.
 
I've been mentioning to Nate that I would like to go back to Terry's house and hang out. (We went there a couple weeks ago and had a lot of fun hanging out and watching movies.) So he messaged her and said, "Sue wants to come over and hang out." Her reply back was that she was working the 3-11 shift tonight, but she was free after that. A couple text messages later, he was her asking if it was okay for him to come alone. I'm not sure how me wanting to go over with Nate and hang out turned into him going over alone! wtf? Um, yeah, I'm not going to be friends with her anymore. Nate can get together with her all he wants, but I'm not going to be Facebook friends with her. How can I, when all I feel is she's just playing nice to get to him? She doesn't even need to. She never had to befriend me to get to him.
 
Tonight is Nate and Deanna's 5th date. He plans on having her come to our house for sex. I really wish she could host. I don't like strangers in my home. He knows I don't want her there, but he doesn't care. It's not worth it to me to get into a huge fight over it, because I know it would cause severe damage to our relationship.

This will make her his 5th regular fuck buddy (as well as 2 irregulars).

I guess the bonus is it got him to clean.
 
So I guess Deanna just came over for a couple hours for pretty much a booty call, left at 10pm. I asked Nate if he thought this was going to be the norm from now on (less going out on dates, more booty calls), and he said probably. From what I gather, she and her husband have a mommy/baby dynamic and aren't sexually active with each other, and she has an extremely high sex drive, but no active sex partners. She tried swinging for a few years, but didn't like how it made her feel, getting attached to men that only wanted sex, when she wanted a friendship as well. Nate is really good at being friends with people.

Sam and I are going out of town this weekend for a Ren Faire. It will definitely be a lot of fun. Sam has never had Ethiopian food.
 
Awww... Nate told me this morning rather sweetly that he loves me. ♡♡♡ It means a lot that he feels like it now, where before when we were having issues he didn't feel like he did. (Even though I knew deep down he did.) I've been working really hard to control my negative emotions and not do anything he would consider as lashing out. I've been working hard on being respectful toward him because I know he felt like I didn't respect him. Seems like it's been paying off and I'm making my husband fall for me all over again. :)

Sam and I are headed out for a weekend getaway. It's going to be awesome! I'm glad that I feel like I can go out with him for the weekend without feeling guilty or feeling like I'm hurting Nate by going. Its been a crazy 9 months, but things have just gotten so settled. I'm glad we were all able to get past the emotional hurdles we faced.
 
Ugh, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when I'm having my period! Nate and I had a wonderful date. We were on our way home and I cracked a joke about how he must be pregnant (he kept dropping stuff), then he was like "Well, I did have unprotected sex today" (with me lol) then I gave him my best stern voice finger shaking (as a joke) and "And that's not allowed, by the way." Well he got pissy about it and then a fight took place after he said, "She and I aren't even there yet."

Well, there isn't a "there yet." One of our established rules is that he use protection. He has a long-term fuck buddy that he already has unprotected sex with, and that one person is the limit. We agreed that we weren't going to have multiple partners without condoms. He told her from the very beginning that was a rule we had. The whole thing is just silly. For all I know, she may have a rule in her marriage that she can't go barrier-free. If it came to that, of course, he could, after screenings have been done.

But he mostly got hurt that I implied that he would be swapping out barrier-free partners every month. I didn't mean to make him feel that way, only just trying to establish boundaries for any contingency. He doesn't have a job or insurance. Yes, it's really his body and I can choose to use condoms with him myself. But the fact is it's going to be me who has to pay for it if he needs medical treatment.

I already feel like I got railroaded in having her in our bed, because I didn't think enough to establish that boundary beforehand. I still don't understand why I'm the one who has to give in to that. She could be pushing for Nate to go over to her house instead. Why am I making the sacrifices? Esp since we have kids at home when he brings her here and she doesn't have children. There is no other reason, other than a rule that they made that keeps him from going there. So I told Nate that in the future I don't want anyone else coming here, and he got mad about that.
 
Long story short, I should just let him have his way from the get go, because after he gets all butt hurt I give into him anyway. No point in damaging our relationship for a fight I can't win.
 
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