Tales from the Time Share Wife

Thank goodness this tiff didn't set us back. I told him I loved him and he reciprocated ♡ He acknowledge that when I try to set boundaries he views that as me being controlling and gets defensive. I acknowledge that when he gets defensive it exacerbates the situation and gives me anxiety. And that maybe part of the reason I choose to establish boundaries is a way to feel like I have some control.
 
Nate's been Facebook friends with an old coworker of his for several years now and recently their conversations have been getting sexual. She's planing on getting a hotel room next week and coming to town for a hookup lol
 
I feel kind of bad for Deanna. She told Nate that guys have just used her for sex. But she does stuff like flaunt her sexuality and send graphic videos of herself the first time she texts with a guy, or at least that is what she did with Nate. Of course he was interested in screwing her, but now she's saying mushy stuff like how much she misses him, how much she likes him, how he's going to have to make it up to her that he's too busy to see her, etc. I think she's getting really attached to him, even though since they had sex their conversations have pretty much ceased. He's not very quick to respond back to a text, and when she says stuff like that he's pretty quick to change the subject. She's a big girl I guess, but I just hate for Nate to be labeled as another one of those guys that just used her for sex, when that wasn't the case at all.
 
Awww... Nate climbed back in bed with me this morning to cuddle me before I got ready for work. He asked, "Do you love me?" and I said yes. Then he told me he loved me. Man, I'm just so freaking happy that we are back to normal! I know I've said it before, but every day with him I'm so grateful we were strong enough to make it past those few rough months. I was terrified that by getting another partner I had irreparably damaged our relationship.

Sam's pretty busy with his second job as the scary clown every night. We still have Tuesday night and Wed day together at least. I think he's stressed and tired from all the work. I teased him through text and he was pretty miffed about it. I'll try not to take it personally, or let this recent lack of communication bother me. He should have been available yesterday to text. or he knows to let me know when he'll be mia, but he didn't answer my call or return text all afternoon.
 
Yesterday was my 6 year anniversary with Nate, tomorrow is our 5th wedding anniversary. :) We're going to go out for dinner tonight. Friday is my birthday so are going out with a couple friend of ours to a haunted corn maze and bonfire.
 
Sam's lease is up, but for some reason he doesn't have money to pay for first and deposit. I had assumed when he said he had savings that he'd have enough to move, especially since he did that huge medical study and been working a second job. Well, apparently he doesn't, so he's not moving and of makes it hard because I can't take my kids with me when I go to his place and the light at the end of the tunnel was that he was going to get a 2 bedroom this fall.

I'm kind of relieved though. Having him move into a place to accommodate my kids is a huge step and I'm comfortable where things are now. Him moving makes me feel pressured somehow. Although the issue still remains that I can't take my kids. Which could be remedied with me going later and leaving earlier, I guess. We've only been together 8 months, no need to rush things.
 
I really enjoy our time together and value our relationship. He's just put so much pressure on me to maintain this level of time and affection. If I can't, he'll leave.
 
Sam has decided to try to get into this townhouse as the first month is free. Its only $40 more than he pays now and it's in our side of town, just a few minutes from my house and a minute from my work. I guess his friend used to live there so he really likes it. He seems pretty excited about the prospect of moving there.
 
Deanna and Nate have pretty much petered out. Not sure what happened there. Maybe because he wasn't reciprocating she decided to back off. I think she wants a boyfriend boyfriend and he just wants a friend with benefits. He's not one to dispense the compliments, and when he does they are very subtle. He also doesn't like feeling obligated to have to spend time with anyone, especially since he's really busy at times. It seems since they had sex their conversations have fizzled out quite a bit, but a lot of that came from him being busy. He asked if she wanted to go to a movie with him and she said she didn't know what movie that was, then didn't answer. Since she's been acting uninterested he's decided he's not making anymore effort with her. She seemed very needy and he's not at all the romantic type, definitely not going to meet the needs of someone who needs a lot of attention or affirmations.
 
Sam took me through the haunted house he works at, I had gone opening night, but I was drunk and don't remember much. lol. He seemed pleased having me meet the people he's come to identify as a second family. I know he'll be sad for the season to be over but glad for a break. He takes his role very seriously, and it's a very physically demanding job because he has to run a lot, bang and kick walls, and his voice gets hoarse. He made some connections though, and I'm sure will continue having a relationship with people.
 
Nate went to hang out with Terry for a little bit tonight while I was at work. Not really impressed with the fact that she told him that she doesn't like me. Well boo fucking hoo. Not sure why she felt the need to tell him that, but whatever. He was over there because she wanted to talk to him because she was upset that this chick that she and her bf fuck is trying to be buddy-buddy with her and she knows that it's insincere and she feels like this chick is using her to get closer to the bf. Pretty ironic, because that is exactly why I unfriended her.
 
Well, I guess Deanna isn't completely gone. She messaged Nate asking if they were "done talking" and asked him if it would be okay for him to hang out with her non-sexually this week. She told him she liked him and liked his company. He told her he could probably squeeze her in a couple hours on Thur. But I'm not sure if that is going to happen because he's coming down with this cold I have. He pretty much made it clear that he won't tolerate clinginess and that he won't be anyone's boyfriend (in case she had hopes).

All these messages about her liking him, feeling connected to him, etc., just makes her seem really desperate. Hopefully she takes what was said to her to heart. I'd hate for her to get her hopes up that it could be anything more than just friends with benefits.
 
Poor Sam is missing me. (I miss him too!) Friday is his last night at the haunted house and things can get back to normal. We didn't even have our Tue night last week because I picked up an overnight shift (can't pass up $160 to go in and go right to bed). I'll be working next Tuesday as well, but we'll have tonight and Saturday.
 
Excuse me for sounding like a newbie (I am though), who are you in love with more, Nate or Sam? And Is Nate ok with you moving in with Sam?
 
polyamorous69 said:
Excuse me for sounding like a newbie ( I am though), who are you in love with more, Nate or Sam? And Is Nate ok with you moving in with Sam?
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I'm not moving in full time. Basically I will continue spending the two nights a week with Sam, but I'm going to set up a bedroom there for the children, so when I go they can go with me. Yes, Nate is fine with that. I don't love either one of them more than the other. They're very different people and my feelings for each of them are different.
 
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Inyourendo said:
I'm not moving in full time. Basically I will continue spending the two nights a week with Sam, but I'm going to set up a bedroom there for the children, so when I go they can go with me. Yes, Nate is fine with that. I don't love either one of them more than the other. they're very different people and my feelings for each of them are different.
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Fair enough. What I don't get though, is why being with Sam is a challenge (as I read in your other posts). If he wants a wife and children, why can't you be that woman? You guys can have children of your own, you and Sam. Then moving in together will be easier, because you will all be one family. And also, if you don't love Sam, why do you stay with him? I'd like to know your perspective on this.
 
I do love Sam, which is why I want to be with him. Right now I work and go to school full time. I'm not in the position to have a child for a few years. Having a child with Sam is something I'll visit in the future, but I will be nearly 40 and my youngest child will be 6 by then. I won't say I won't have a child then, but I'm not making any promises either.

I will have a commitment ceremony with Sam next year, but I won't live with him full time, as I also live with my husband Nate. So while Sam and I could marry and have a child, it will take time to get there. I'm not the 24/7 wife he envisioned he would have. Other challenges I've had being with Sam aren't Sam's fault, but rather dealing with Nate's emotions, several months of him being distant and confrontational. (Thank goodness he's over that.) I've also had to deal with Nate dating more and confronting my own issues of insecurity.
 
Terry asked Nate if he wanted to go out with her on a date. He feels that while she's really nice and could be a great convention buddy, he doesn't really want to date her. He's not sure if he's going to go out with her or not.

Deanna and Nate are going out to Panera for a couple hours on Thursday and I'm fine with that. I'd rather he meet her somewhere else than have her over at our home.

Sam kind of threw me for a loop today. He asked if it was fine for him to have sex with others. I've always maintained that my comfort level wouldn't be crossed if he had sex with others and he didn't tell me about it. My first response was, of course it's fine, just don't bring people into our home, to questioning whether he met someone he wants to fuck. I guess what shocked me is that he's very monogamous. I'm the 4th woman he's been with and I know he wished he hadn't slept with #3. He values sex a lot. He doesn't just fuck people, sharing his body is an act of love for him.

While working at the haunted house he's been flirted by heavily with a woman that he works directly with a few hours almost nightly. This job has sexually charged the demons inside of Sam, and so he's found himself lusting after this young lady who seems to be egging him on to rape her. She's gone so far as to press herself up against his front side. She's really captivated his rape fantasy and so now he's thinking about having sex with her. I can't say I wasn't annoyed. She's met me, it's well known that he has a girlfriend and he's had to turn women down repeatedly because he wasn't interested in them, so I almost feel disrespected that she would go after a seemingly loyal man.

I also question whether he should give away something he values so much, I know he hadnt has sex in over 2 years before me because the way he so casually shared sex with #3 made him feel ashamed. Will he feel ashamed again? This woman has a boyfriend and she has confessed that he wouldn't be happy if she fooled around with him. I feel that the dishonesty with the whole situation isn't good.

There's also that part of me who wonders if my sweet monogamous boyfriend might end up falling for some chick he screws, and decides to leave me for her because she can be the full time wife and mother I can't be.

I ended up giving him my blessing. After all, I do have a husband. Although if my monogamous boyfriend decided to break our polyfidelitous relationship, does that mean in turn I could choose to have sex with others as well? I had agreed to not have other sex partners because I knew that he was monogamous and didn't want that, but what if the tides change?
 
Inyourendo said:
there's also that part of me who wonders if my sweet monogamous boyfriend might end up falling for some chick he screws and decides to leave me for her because she can be the full time wife and mother I cant be.
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I don't see anything wrong with you being his wife, him being your secondary (or primary) husband. Sam is YOUR man, YOUR lover. YOU found him first and that's the way it should be because he is monogamous. Who knows what the future holds? You could perfectly be the mother of his children. You should make him understand that you will always love him no matter what, and that he should love no one else more than he does you. It's not being jealous or protective or some other shit; don't feel bad about reminding him that.

One more thing: Why is Nate not ok with Sam moving in? After all, he brings his gf's to your bed to fuck, doesn't he? Can't have it both ways. He shouldn't and cannot be annoyed by this because he chose to live a poly life. I think you have every right to bring Sam in permanently. That way you will be with him full time. Good luck.
 
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