AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Enjoying a quiet evening by myself. *sigh* It sure feels good...
Talking it out
- Thread starter AlwaysGrowing
- Start date
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Aaaand... Boy's ex ended up calling me to see if I'd go see a movie with her. Sure! I get there, and she was giggling. I asked her what was up, and she said I'd see. We get in the theater and there was Boy and her husband saving us seats. Apparently it was a double date, and they were just seeing if I'd show up? I don't know. It was fun, though, even though they were all disappointed when I went home after the movie instead of going to hang out with them more. Hubby was going to be home soon, though, and I wanted to spend some time with him.
It's been a crazy, work-filled weekend. I did get to see a friend that I haven't seen in a few months, which was nice. Time for chores now, though. :/
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Well, Suave is kind of driving me crazy. We've talked about how I prefer daily contact (even if it's just an "I hope your day is going well" kind of text), yet I continually only hear from him when he wants to set up a date. Which is something I could handle IF it was timely in that regard, too. Texting me today to see if I'm free tomorrow? Not okay in my book. At least not in a regular basis. And if you tell me you're going to let me know as soon as you know your schedule, freakin' let me know! This is week 2 that I have made plans with Boy then found out that that particular evening is the only time Suave and I could have hung out. Silly boys, driving me crazy!
When we do talk, though... I really like him! He makes me laugh, he's sensitive, and he makes me feel comfortable. We've actually talked on the phone a few times, and he's one of the few people I can talk to for more than 5-10 minutes without going a bit crazy. I'm going to have to talk to him again about this scheduling thing, though.
Boy is being sweet. All apologetic that he's not going to be around for Thanksgiving, even though I've been telling him all month that he needs to tell his mom he'll be there so she'd stop freaking out about never seeing him. He finally told her he'd be there, and she actually sent me a message on Facebook thanking me for encouraging him to come home.
The only other FB interactions I've had with her included her not getting a joke I made and her commenting on a picture I took of him on the beach - that one included some disapproval over him staying the night in a hotel with me. :/ Oh, well. It was nice to get some positive feedback from her, though, even though I don't anticipate ever actually meeting the woman.
Hubby is excited for Christmas! We've already started decorating a bit and have planned out all of our weekends to fit in some favorite events and some new things. Yarn and her husband invited us to their place at some point in December, too, and I want to make sure we go since I haven't seen them in what feels like forever!
Oh, I need to buy stuff to make Boy's Christmas present, too. And Suave wants to exchange gifts! Shoot! I better get to work getting things around here done so I can focus on the season.
When we do talk, though... I really like him! He makes me laugh, he's sensitive, and he makes me feel comfortable. We've actually talked on the phone a few times, and he's one of the few people I can talk to for more than 5-10 minutes without going a bit crazy. I'm going to have to talk to him again about this scheduling thing, though.
Boy is being sweet. All apologetic that he's not going to be around for Thanksgiving, even though I've been telling him all month that he needs to tell his mom he'll be there so she'd stop freaking out about never seeing him. He finally told her he'd be there, and she actually sent me a message on Facebook thanking me for encouraging him to come home.
The only other FB interactions I've had with her included her not getting a joke I made and her commenting on a picture I took of him on the beach - that one included some disapproval over him staying the night in a hotel with me. :/ Oh, well. It was nice to get some positive feedback from her, though, even though I don't anticipate ever actually meeting the woman.Hubby is excited for Christmas! We've already started decorating a bit and have planned out all of our weekends to fit in some favorite events and some new things. Yarn and her husband invited us to their place at some point in December, too, and I want to make sure we go since I haven't seen them in what feels like forever!
Oh, I need to buy stuff to make Boy's Christmas present, too. And Suave wants to exchange gifts! Shoot! I better get to work getting things around here done so I can focus on the season.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Thanksgiving was great. I got to talk to my whole family and yeah. It was good.
This week has been exhausting. I'm starting some new hours starting next week, so I've been trying to transition my schedule to waking a bit earlier. I didn't expect it to affect me so much (it's only a 2 hour difference). Oh, well. I'll get used to it soon enough, I guess!
Hubby has the calendar all filled up with Christmas-y things to do. It's adorable.
Boy and I went on a double date with one of his friends on Monday. I know her well enough, too, but I didn't know the boyfriend at all. Boy had met him once. It was fun. Only slightly awkward once when I mentioned Hubby. Dinner and a movie at a second run place that is okay with talking so we got to joke around a bit and comment during the show. That was fun.
Suave and I hung out this week, too. It was fun. We went and looked at some Christmas lights. I really do love the holiday season!
This week has been exhausting. I'm starting some new hours starting next week, so I've been trying to transition my schedule to waking a bit earlier. I didn't expect it to affect me so much (it's only a 2 hour difference). Oh, well. I'll get used to it soon enough, I guess!
Hubby has the calendar all filled up with Christmas-y things to do. It's adorable.
Boy and I went on a double date with one of his friends on Monday. I know her well enough, too, but I didn't know the boyfriend at all. Boy had met him once. It was fun. Only slightly awkward once when I mentioned Hubby. Dinner and a movie at a second run place that is okay with talking so we got to joke around a bit and comment during the show. That was fun.
Suave and I hung out this week, too. It was fun. We went and looked at some Christmas lights. I really do love the holiday season!
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I'm completely baffled about adults and wanting so much drama in their lives! I mean, really, people... Communicating is not that hard. Work is driving me crazy.
Personal life, though, is great. Hubby and I have our house all decorated for Christmas. The cat chewed on the tree a bit but has mostly left it alone after that first day. She is very attracted to the hand-made (knit or plastic canvas) ornaments, so all of those got moved towards the top where she doesn't notice them. We also have some plans with one of my friends this weekend for an event downtown. Hopefully one of Hubby's friends (and maybe one of her partners) will be meeting us for dinner after, too. We haven't seen her for a while, and she has had some major life changes in that span of time, so it would be nice to catch up.
Boy and I are chugging along, doing whatever it is that we're doing. I invited him to some Christmas activities, which he was kind of hesitant about. Later on, we got to talking about how important I find those "family-style" interactions in meaningful relationships. It came up because Suave was supposed to come and ended up cancelling because his girlfriend's friend invited them to something. I mentioned that I had been very excited since he and I are kind of intermittent about contact and dates. I thought spending what I consider a special day, filled with traditions that Hubby and I have created and shared with those we care about, with Suave (and girlfriend) would have been very connecting and helped me think of him as someone who could actually be around for a while. As soon as I said that, Boy was suddenly available all day for all activities and asking how he could contribute. These are the things that make me know he cares.
I'm disappointed about Suave, though. I'm not feeling that intense connection I think I would feel if it was really going to have potential. I mean, I enjoy his company and all when we're together, but I don't really have a strong drive to see him or talk to him. Which sucks, because in theory he is quite compatible. It does frustrate me, though, that participating in even a tiny part of my holiday stuff (that he knows is super important to me) isn't a priority at all. The party he is going to is only in the afternoon/evening. Maybe I'm missing the part that means he couldn't even swing by here for an hour or so beforehand.
Boy, though... is making me happy. I'm still keeping myself in check and reminding myself that we're NOT a couple and that I can't EXPECT things. He's surprising me with all kinds of sweetness lately, though, which I am definitely soaking up. He's been hilarious about gifts, too. I thought we had agreed no presents, but then he started talking about buying for both me AND Hubby! I gave him a few ideas for Hubby (or helped him narrow down ideas he already had, rather). I've also contacted a few people that I'm hoping can help me figure out exactly what to get him. He's so hard to shop for, so I want to get him more of an experience than a thing.
Hubby is so much easier to shop for! I submitted a pretty large order online, and I just have to go to the store to pick up a few little things to fill in the gaps and just fill up the space under the tree. He gave me a list of stuff, and I think I made a pretty good dent in it without even approaching my budget limit! Yes!
I also need to get my work Secret Santa a gift, but I think he'll be easy to shop for. I'm going to get him something kind of joke-ish and something that I think he'll actually really appreciate.
Oh! I got to see Yarn last weekend! Kind of a surprise visit to her and her hubby. It was great to see them, but I'm just not feeling nearly as close or bonded to them as I used to. I think I've changed a bit, Yarn has changed a bit, and it hasn't been the same kind of change. Her husband is so busy with work, kids, Yarn, and his girlfriend that he barely has time to talk at all anymore, too, so I generally feel like a bother when I try to start a conversation. It makes me sad, because they were so much like family for over a year. Things change, though, and at least it has been a normal "life goes on" kind of progression instead of some big hullabaloo that left someone feeling hurt or angry. And, who knows, maybe something will shift again and we will be able to recapture some of that intimacy.
This has been long and rambling tonight... Lately I have been extra reflective of the kind of person I am an want to be as well as the kinds of relationships I want to have. I see so many people swayed by who they are around, and I don't want that to affect me negatively. I want to be a good, kind, caring individual who builds and maintains healthy relationships, whether they be friendly, romantic, or somewhere in between. Actually, the in between may be what I'm leaning towards the most lately. I would definitely like to extend my friend circle, and I would love to be an awesome woman to have fun, sexy times. Things to work on
Personal life, though, is great. Hubby and I have our house all decorated for Christmas. The cat chewed on the tree a bit but has mostly left it alone after that first day. She is very attracted to the hand-made (knit or plastic canvas) ornaments, so all of those got moved towards the top where she doesn't notice them. We also have some plans with one of my friends this weekend for an event downtown. Hopefully one of Hubby's friends (and maybe one of her partners) will be meeting us for dinner after, too. We haven't seen her for a while, and she has had some major life changes in that span of time, so it would be nice to catch up.
Boy and I are chugging along, doing whatever it is that we're doing. I invited him to some Christmas activities, which he was kind of hesitant about. Later on, we got to talking about how important I find those "family-style" interactions in meaningful relationships. It came up because Suave was supposed to come and ended up cancelling because his girlfriend's friend invited them to something. I mentioned that I had been very excited since he and I are kind of intermittent about contact and dates. I thought spending what I consider a special day, filled with traditions that Hubby and I have created and shared with those we care about, with Suave (and girlfriend) would have been very connecting and helped me think of him as someone who could actually be around for a while. As soon as I said that, Boy was suddenly available all day for all activities and asking how he could contribute. These are the things that make me know he cares.
I'm disappointed about Suave, though. I'm not feeling that intense connection I think I would feel if it was really going to have potential. I mean, I enjoy his company and all when we're together, but I don't really have a strong drive to see him or talk to him. Which sucks, because in theory he is quite compatible. It does frustrate me, though, that participating in even a tiny part of my holiday stuff (that he knows is super important to me) isn't a priority at all. The party he is going to is only in the afternoon/evening. Maybe I'm missing the part that means he couldn't even swing by here for an hour or so beforehand.
Boy, though... is making me happy. I'm still keeping myself in check and reminding myself that we're NOT a couple and that I can't EXPECT things. He's surprising me with all kinds of sweetness lately, though, which I am definitely soaking up. He's been hilarious about gifts, too. I thought we had agreed no presents, but then he started talking about buying for both me AND Hubby! I gave him a few ideas for Hubby (or helped him narrow down ideas he already had, rather). I've also contacted a few people that I'm hoping can help me figure out exactly what to get him. He's so hard to shop for, so I want to get him more of an experience than a thing.
Hubby is so much easier to shop for! I submitted a pretty large order online, and I just have to go to the store to pick up a few little things to fill in the gaps and just fill up the space under the tree.
He gave me a list of stuff, and I think I made a pretty good dent in it without even approaching my budget limit! Yes!I also need to get my work Secret Santa a gift, but I think he'll be easy to shop for. I'm going to get him something kind of joke-ish and something that I think he'll actually really appreciate.
Oh! I got to see Yarn last weekend! Kind of a surprise visit to her and her hubby. It was great to see them, but I'm just not feeling nearly as close or bonded to them as I used to. I think I've changed a bit, Yarn has changed a bit, and it hasn't been the same kind of change. Her husband is so busy with work, kids, Yarn, and his girlfriend that he barely has time to talk at all anymore, too, so I generally feel like a bother when I try to start a conversation. It makes me sad, because they were so much like family for over a year. Things change, though, and at least it has been a normal "life goes on" kind of progression instead of some big hullabaloo that left someone feeling hurt or angry. And, who knows, maybe something will shift again and we will be able to recapture some of that intimacy.
This has been long and rambling tonight... Lately I have been extra reflective of the kind of person I am an want to be as well as the kinds of relationships I want to have. I see so many people swayed by who they are around, and I don't want that to affect me negatively. I want to be a good, kind, caring individual who builds and maintains healthy relationships, whether they be friendly, romantic, or somewhere in between. Actually, the in between may be what I'm leaning towards the most lately. I would definitely like to extend my friend circle, and I would love to be an awesome woman to have fun, sexy times. Things to work on
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I am so ready for Christmas! Hubby's and Boy's stockings are stuffed, as is the cat's. My friend is coming over for goose dinner, but her boyfriend is being a Grinch and refusing to participate in holiday stuff at all. He even got upset with her for wanting to take her kid to see some Christmas lights. I mean, really?! I've hung out with him a few times and got along with him, but that is just ridiculous. I may have to reconsider my opinion. lol
But, anyway, I am so ready! I am hoping Boy likes what I got him. Just little things for his stocking (the obligatory candy, some other snacks I know he likes including homemade stuff, and a couple of silly toys that Hubby picked out). Have I mentioned how much I love that the two of them decided to exchange gifts, too?! So adorable. Anyway... I then got Boy a gift certificate to his favorite chiropractor so he can use it for an adjustment or a massage or whatever service he chooses. And some pj's. Not too shabby, right?!
Hubby got so much stuff... Toys, books, graphic novels, pajamas, a subscription to a magazine he enjoys, and a few other things. I actually didn't get him any games, which I am kind of disappointed about. I completely overlooked that. He has gotten new game stuff that he hasn't even played yet, though, so I think it's okay.
Now I am just sitting awake, when I should be sleeping, waiting for Hubby to get home. He's going to pick up some fast food on his way home so we can hang out for a bit. I'll probably make him watch a Christmas movie. I'm in a great mood tonight, but I have been feeling down all week. A mix of hormones and work stress and winter hitting for real, I think. I just need this weekend.
But, anyway, I am so ready! I am hoping Boy likes what I got him. Just little things for his stocking (the obligatory candy, some other snacks I know he likes including homemade stuff, and a couple of silly toys that Hubby picked out). Have I mentioned how much I love that the two of them decided to exchange gifts, too?! So adorable. Anyway... I then got Boy a gift certificate to his favorite chiropractor so he can use it for an adjustment or a massage or whatever service he chooses. And some pj's. Not too shabby, right?!
Hubby got so much stuff... Toys, books, graphic novels, pajamas, a subscription to a magazine he enjoys, and a few other things. I actually didn't get him any games, which I am kind of disappointed about. I completely overlooked that. He has gotten new game stuff that he hasn't even played yet, though, so I think it's okay.
Now I am just sitting awake, when I should be sleeping, waiting for Hubby to get home. He's going to pick up some fast food on his way home so we can hang out for a bit. I'll probably make him watch a Christmas movie.
I'm in a great mood tonight, but I have been feeling down all week. A mix of hormones and work stress and winter hitting for real, I think. I just need this weekend.AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I'm finding it humorous that I started this blog when I was confused and torn about things with Boy. Over a year later, and guess what. I'm still constantly changing how I feel about him. haha
Lately we've been talking a lot about what we mean to each other. In the abstract. We both often say we care about one another. That we enjoy enjoying time together. That we are in like. With Christmas coming up, it's gotten more focused on how this is "our first holiday" really spent together and that we want it to be the first of many. I expressed my concerns that he would "replace" me (not really replace, but find someone that he builds his own family with instead of continuing to be a part of mine by default). He reassured me that the reason he is only interested in poly women at this point is so that he can find someone that wants to spend time with people he cares about (i.e. holidays with me and double dates with his ex and such like he and I do). It made me feel fantastic to know that he thinks like that. Even though we're not "in love" (I don't doubt that I love him nor do I doubt that he loves me in his weird, quiet way), we choose to be in each others' lives.
I guess our lack of a label feels a little better now. More like a choice to have a fluid connection instead of confining ourselves to a box of expectations. Which is exactly what I'd been trying to convince myself we were doing all along, but deep down part of me thought I may just be an outlet for touch/sex for him. Yay being important!
Suave and Boy are also excited to meet each other. Hubby is laughing at my nerves about having everyone together. Luckily, I have a couple of other friends coming around, too, so even if there is some awkwardness or lack of things to talk about, there will be buffers! And yes, I've warned them that I expect them to play interference if there are awkward silences.
I'm just happy. Happy to have my chosen family growing, and hoping that it lasts. *sigh* Why do I always feel like the good times are so temporary?! Why can't I just accept that they are indeed good for now and enjoy it while it lasts? Things to work on in the coming year...
Lately we've been talking a lot about what we mean to each other. In the abstract. We both often say we care about one another. That we enjoy enjoying time together. That we are in like. With Christmas coming up, it's gotten more focused on how this is "our first holiday" really spent together and that we want it to be the first of many. I expressed my concerns that he would "replace" me (not really replace, but find someone that he builds his own family with instead of continuing to be a part of mine by default). He reassured me that the reason he is only interested in poly women at this point is so that he can find someone that wants to spend time with people he cares about (i.e. holidays with me and double dates with his ex and such like he and I do). It made me feel fantastic to know that he thinks like that. Even though we're not "in love" (I don't doubt that I love him nor do I doubt that he loves me in his weird, quiet way), we choose to be in each others' lives.
I guess our lack of a label feels a little better now. More like a choice to have a fluid connection instead of confining ourselves to a box of expectations. Which is exactly what I'd been trying to convince myself we were doing all along, but deep down part of me thought I may just be an outlet for touch/sex for him. Yay being important!
Suave and Boy are also excited to meet each other. Hubby is laughing at my nerves about having everyone together. Luckily, I have a couple of other friends coming around, too, so even if there is some awkwardness or lack of things to talk about, there will be buffers! And yes, I've warned them that I expect them to play interference if there are awkward silences.
I'm just happy. Happy to have my chosen family growing, and hoping that it lasts. *sigh* Why do I always feel like the good times are so temporary?! Why can't I just accept that they are indeed good for now and enjoy it while it lasts? Things to work on in the coming year...
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Just when I was feeling really good about the lack of label... ha!
Boy was talking to Hubby on Christmas. I was half napping. Boy asked Hubby "How do you feel about spending Christmas Day with AG's boyfriend?" So, we had a talk that night when Hubby went to hang out with friends for a bit. I explained that I didn't consider him my boyfriend for a few reasons, and he went into total reassurance mode. We have settled that we WILL use the labels, however nothing is changing. I'm not going to change my expectations, we're not increasing time together, etc. He is aware of how I feel about his cycles of intimacy and distance, and he says he will work on it. I'm not hopeful but plan to continue to enjoy the closeness while it lasts.
Christmas was pretty great all around, though. Exchanging gifts, getting that talk out, just relaxing. Amazing. Boy also spent the next evening with us, cooking dinner to help use up some leftovers. They're pretty awesome guys, Hubby and Boy. Christmas Eve night I slept with Hubby, so he said I should sleep with Boy on Christmas. Then the night after I slept with them both. Seriously great.
I'm up for a semi-promotion at work. I don't think I'll get it, because I've made a few little errors lately, but it's nice to be considered. I actually don't really want it, because in reality it's just more work with very little monetary increase. I'd rather become more involved in other ways, which I have actually already signed up for! Woot!
Boy was talking to Hubby on Christmas. I was half napping. Boy asked Hubby "How do you feel about spending Christmas Day with AG's boyfriend?" So, we had a talk that night when Hubby went to hang out with friends for a bit. I explained that I didn't consider him my boyfriend for a few reasons, and he went into total reassurance mode. We have settled that we WILL use the labels, however nothing is changing. I'm not going to change my expectations, we're not increasing time together, etc. He is aware of how I feel about his cycles of intimacy and distance, and he says he will work on it. I'm not hopeful but plan to continue to enjoy the closeness while it lasts.
Christmas was pretty great all around, though. Exchanging gifts, getting that talk out, just relaxing. Amazing. Boy also spent the next evening with us, cooking dinner to help use up some leftovers.
They're pretty awesome guys, Hubby and Boy. Christmas Eve night I slept with Hubby, so he said I should sleep with Boy on Christmas. Then the night after I slept with them both. Seriously great. I'm up for a semi-promotion at work. I don't think I'll get it, because I've made a few little errors lately, but it's nice to be considered. I actually don't really want it, because in reality it's just more work with very little monetary increase. I'd rather become more involved in other ways, which I have actually already signed up for! Woot!
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
The last couple of weeks have been pretty great.
Boy and I saw a lot of each other then very little of each other. He initiated contact in the week we didn't see each other, which was awesome. Usually I initiate most conversations. We're actually planning a trip to the beach soon and hoping for some nasty weather to watch from the comfort of our room. It's supposed to be nice this weekend, so we're looking to go in a week or two. I'll be researching places to stay and aiming for a nice B&B or something like that.
Hubby and I have seen little of each other, which stinks. This weekend should be spent together, though, which will be great. No real plans, so the goal is to stay in and have sex. And clean. And get another cat. He's not excited about that last one, but I have a friend who has a kitty that needs a home. She has visited and gets along with the cat we already have (that Hubby actually kind of adores now), so she will be coming to stay for good this weekend. Hooray!
I went in for some training at work, which was interesting. I learned some policy changes that I hadn't been aware of that mean less work for me! Another hooray! I also got a break from my coworkers who have been driving me nuts AND heard from my coworker that I had been close to that had backed off when another friend of hers got jealous of our burgeoning friendship. So, lots more hoorays!
I'm off to get a jump start on the cleaning and to do research on romantic getaways! Hooray again!
Boy and I saw a lot of each other then very little of each other. He initiated contact in the week we didn't see each other, which was awesome. Usually I initiate most conversations. We're actually planning a trip to the beach soon and hoping for some nasty weather to watch from the comfort of our room.
It's supposed to be nice this weekend, so we're looking to go in a week or two. I'll be researching places to stay and aiming for a nice B&B or something like that.Hubby and I have seen little of each other, which stinks. This weekend should be spent together, though, which will be great. No real plans, so the goal is to stay in and have sex. And clean. And get another cat. He's not excited about that last one, but I have a friend who has a kitty that needs a home. She has visited and gets along with the cat we already have (that Hubby actually kind of adores now), so she will be coming to stay for good this weekend. Hooray!
I went in for some training at work, which was interesting. I learned some policy changes that I hadn't been aware of that mean less work for me! Another hooray! I also got a break from my coworkers who have been driving me nuts AND heard from my coworker that I had been close to that had backed off when another friend of hers got jealous of our burgeoning friendship. So, lots more hoorays!
I'm off to get a jump start on the cleaning and to do research on romantic getaways! Hooray again!
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I haven't mentioned Suave in a while, and there is definitely a reason... In theory, I like him a lot. When I'm with him, I have so much fun and feel like I can open up (and actually want to!). When we're not together, though... I just don't feel much of anything. I also don't have that crazy urge to jump his bones every time I see him, which is honestly one of my favorite parts of new relationships! Anyway... Onto what I think is officially the last straw in my decision to not pursue and actual, committed relationship with Suave: He is going on a date with one of the few people that I honestly, 100% cannot have any sort of link with sexually.
Okay, so the people I'm not comfortable sharing partners with... Doomed's wife. A woman I dated who tried to turn people against me when it didn't work out. Lady. Yarn. Yarn's husband. 5 people. He is going on a date with one of those five. Even after I explained to him the reasoning of why I will not be sexually involved with someone this person is sexually involved with. So, he obviously doesn't value that connection with me very much, huh?
I'm walking away, and he probably won't even notice.
Everything else is great, though. Boy and I are going to the beach in a couple of weeks, regardless of weather. Hubby and I are going to a couple of museums over the next month or so, too, which will be awesome. I've been appreciating their affection a lot lately, since I've been a bit emotional for some reason (even before this situation with Suave which didn't help).
My boss and I have had a few chats about the issues I've had at work (with coworkers and the little mistakes I made a while back). I feel confident that she is going to help me become a better candidate for moving up in the company (or in the field in general), which makes me feel better. I'd been seriously considering going back to school for something completely different, so it's good to know others have faith in my success where I'm at.
I'm going to go cook myself some yummy dinner. Homemade fettuccine Alfredo - I already make a killer sauce, now I'm perfecting the pasta.
Okay, so the people I'm not comfortable sharing partners with... Doomed's wife. A woman I dated who tried to turn people against me when it didn't work out. Lady. Yarn. Yarn's husband. 5 people. He is going on a date with one of those five. Even after I explained to him the reasoning of why I will not be sexually involved with someone this person is sexually involved with. So, he obviously doesn't value that connection with me very much, huh?
I'm walking away, and he probably won't even notice.
Everything else is great, though. Boy and I are going to the beach in a couple of weeks, regardless of weather. Hubby and I are going to a couple of museums over the next month or so, too, which will be awesome. I've been appreciating their affection a lot lately, since I've been a bit emotional for some reason (even before this situation with Suave which didn't help).
My boss and I have had a few chats about the issues I've had at work (with coworkers and the little mistakes I made a while back). I feel confident that she is going to help me become a better candidate for moving up in the company (or in the field in general), which makes me feel better. I'd been seriously considering going back to school for something completely different, so it's good to know others have faith in my success where I'm at.
I'm going to go cook myself some yummy dinner. Homemade fettuccine Alfredo - I already make a killer sauce, now I'm perfecting the pasta.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Today I decided to do something different. I decided to not initiate any text conversations.
My typical texting day:
I wake up to a text from Doomed. If I don't, then I send one to him fairly early in the day. We chat off and on while we're at work. Maybe a bit if we're both home alone in the evening, but mostly just during the day. It depends on the day who initiates more and seems more invested in the conversation.
New guy (okay, not new... I went on a date with him almost a year ago but was still too torn up about Doomed AND he was connected to Doomed which was awkward - but he apologized for his stupidity so we'll see) texts sometime in the morning. On occasion, I think to text him first, but he really leads the majority of our conversations.
Boy or I text one another late afternoon/early evening when we get home from work. I instigate the bulk of the conversation, and he just seems to go with it. Lately less so, because he's been distracted by extra work and some family stuff.
Hubby and I infrequently text while he's at work.
Anyway, today I initiate nothing. Doomed and I barely talked. New guy and I chatted briefly this morning, established we were both having crappy days, and then stopped talking (he had plans tonight, so I may hear from him if he goes home - if he stays the night with the person he's hanging out with, then I won't hear anything). I get a vague text telling me to have a good evening from Boy. Hubby and I are chatting a lot about finances (yay tax season!). Suave texts me, regarding the "break up" text I sent yesterday and being generally pissy. Yarn and I had an extended chat about our every action today.
So... Yeah. Silly experiment that showed me pretty much what I expected. If I didn't expend energy on a daily basis to keep in contact with Boy, we wouldn't be where we are now. If I didn't work to maintain a friendship with Doomed, he'd have disappeared again by now. New guy is pretty awesome at constant contact - I'm the slacker there.
I'm just feeling discouraged and not valued today. It was an incredibly rough day at work, for reasons completely unrelated to my normal coworker-complaints (they were actually pretty awesome today). My decision not to seek contact was partly to see who would notice or care when I behave differently. I am disappointed that Boy didn't even ask. Normally he comments when I'm acting weird. Yarn did ask, which I appreciate. New guy will ask if he has phone time tonight, I'm sure, but I anticipate him staying with his friend/girlfriend/whatever. I even told Hubby that work was nuts and that I left over an hour late, and he didn't even ask what happened.
Moral of the story? I feel like people suck today, and I should just go to bed so I wake up over it.
My typical texting day:
I wake up to a text from Doomed. If I don't, then I send one to him fairly early in the day. We chat off and on while we're at work. Maybe a bit if we're both home alone in the evening, but mostly just during the day. It depends on the day who initiates more and seems more invested in the conversation.
New guy (okay, not new... I went on a date with him almost a year ago but was still too torn up about Doomed AND he was connected to Doomed which was awkward - but he apologized for his stupidity so we'll see) texts sometime in the morning. On occasion, I think to text him first, but he really leads the majority of our conversations.
Boy or I text one another late afternoon/early evening when we get home from work. I instigate the bulk of the conversation, and he just seems to go with it. Lately less so, because he's been distracted by extra work and some family stuff.
Hubby and I infrequently text while he's at work.
Anyway, today I initiate nothing. Doomed and I barely talked. New guy and I chatted briefly this morning, established we were both having crappy days, and then stopped talking (he had plans tonight, so I may hear from him if he goes home - if he stays the night with the person he's hanging out with, then I won't hear anything). I get a vague text telling me to have a good evening from Boy. Hubby and I are chatting a lot about finances (yay tax season!). Suave texts me, regarding the "break up" text I sent yesterday and being generally pissy. Yarn and I had an extended chat about our every action today.
So... Yeah. Silly experiment that showed me pretty much what I expected. If I didn't expend energy on a daily basis to keep in contact with Boy, we wouldn't be where we are now. If I didn't work to maintain a friendship with Doomed, he'd have disappeared again by now. New guy is pretty awesome at constant contact - I'm the slacker there.
I'm just feeling discouraged and not valued today. It was an incredibly rough day at work, for reasons completely unrelated to my normal coworker-complaints (they were actually pretty awesome today). My decision not to seek contact was partly to see who would notice or care when I behave differently. I am disappointed that Boy didn't even ask. Normally he comments when I'm acting weird. Yarn did ask, which I appreciate. New guy will ask if he has phone time tonight, I'm sure, but I anticipate him staying with his friend/girlfriend/whatever. I even told Hubby that work was nuts and that I left over an hour late, and he didn't even ask what happened.
Moral of the story? I feel like people suck today, and I should just go to bed so I wake up over it.
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AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
He texted. Apparently his girlfriend isn't feeling well, so he headed home early so she could get some rest.
Apparently his girlfriend isn't feeling well, so he headed home early so she could get some rest.AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I have two of the best guys. Seriously.
Hubby and I have an anniversary this weekend. It actually falls on Saturday, which is awesome since we can have a date day.
Boy and I had a lovely evening this week full of some hot sex, some intimate "love making," and cooking and joking around when we weren't all tangled together.
I'm just happy right now, even with work being ridiculous.
I'm also making iffy decisions when it comes to Doomed, and I have officially not spoken to Suave in... oh, a while. He did tell me he decided not to go on the date, but by that point I had already made my decision. We never had that necessary spark.
New/old guy and I are seeing each other either tomorrow or Sunday, too. It depends what time he gets off work. I'm excited to see how it goes. We have such fun, prolific conversations! I really do enjoy and have missed that constant contact from someone.
Hubby and I have an anniversary this weekend. It actually falls on Saturday, which is awesome since we can have a date day.
Boy and I had a lovely evening this week full of some hot sex, some intimate "love making," and cooking and joking around when we weren't all tangled together.
I'm just happy right now, even with work being ridiculous.
I'm also making iffy decisions when it comes to Doomed, and I have officially not spoken to Suave in... oh, a while. He did tell me he decided not to go on the date, but by that point I had already made my decision. We never had that necessary spark.
New/old guy and I are seeing each other either tomorrow or Sunday, too. It depends what time he gets off work. I'm excited to see how it goes. We have such fun, prolific conversations! I really do enjoy and have missed that constant contact from someone.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
The date with Nog went great. We're seeing each other again this week and have been texting quite a bit in the meantime.
Boy and I have some really fun plans this week to hang out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. We're all going to go to an art show that has some live performance art going on throughout the evening. I'm very excited!
Hubby and I are doing well. Chugging along as usual. We had a great date day last weekend that included some semi-public fooling around! So fun.
Work is still stressful and full of silliness (and not the good kind). I've discussed it with my boss and informed her that if it doesn't stop, I will be searching for another job soon. I don't care if people want to do stupid shit, but if they try to drag me into it... I'm out.
Boy and I have some really fun plans this week to hang out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. We're all going to go to an art show that has some live performance art going on throughout the evening. I'm very excited!
Hubby and I are doing well. Chugging along as usual. We had a great date day last weekend that included some semi-public fooling around! So fun.
Work is still stressful and full of silliness (and not the good kind). I've discussed it with my boss and informed her that if it doesn't stop, I will be searching for another job soon. I don't care if people want to do stupid shit, but if they try to drag me into it... I'm out.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Time flies!
Nog and I have seen each other a few times now... I like him. He's sweet, he's funny, he's geeky. Totally my type. I'm not overly drawn to him physically, but the couple of times we've had sex have been fun enough. He and Hubby are built the same way, and I feel horrible saying it, but I would definitely be more attracted if they'd lose a bit of weight. :/ If I can't admit it here, where can I?
Hubby has felt off lately. He and I have been fine, but other aspects of his life aren't going as he would like which causes a bit of spillover. Add in my busy-ness, and the fact that I'm seeing someone new... A bit of neediness. We've been cuddling, though, and having lots of little sweet moments here and there.
Boy... I don't know. He's done nothing wrong. Hasn't even really pulled away lately, but I just haven't been feeling connected to him. We had this amazing conversation the other day, too, and I felt great afterwards. Then the next morning I'm right back where I was (and am). I feel no drive to push for a date night this week, so I guess we'll see if he asks for one. We had a great time hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and were planning to do so again this week, but she had to cancel due to work stuff. I expected Boy to want to just replace the plans we had with them with new ones for the two of us, but he hasn't mentioned anything. I'm just feeling unmotivated to push right now.
Work stuff has gotten better. Boss gave a promotion I deserved (but didn't expect to get) to someone else just to make people shut up. One of my coworkers and I are the only ones pissed, so I guess it worked. I'm looking for similar opportunities elsewhere, because I am tired of feeling like my professional life is stagnant. I need to feel an upward trajectory.
Nog and I have seen each other a few times now... I like him. He's sweet, he's funny, he's geeky. Totally my type. I'm not overly drawn to him physically, but the couple of times we've had sex have been fun enough. He and Hubby are built the same way, and I feel horrible saying it, but I would definitely be more attracted if they'd lose a bit of weight. :/ If I can't admit it here, where can I?
Hubby has felt off lately. He and I have been fine, but other aspects of his life aren't going as he would like which causes a bit of spillover. Add in my busy-ness, and the fact that I'm seeing someone new... A bit of neediness. We've been cuddling, though, and having lots of little sweet moments here and there.
Boy... I don't know. He's done nothing wrong. Hasn't even really pulled away lately, but I just haven't been feeling connected to him. We had this amazing conversation the other day, too, and I felt great afterwards. Then the next morning I'm right back where I was (and am). I feel no drive to push for a date night this week, so I guess we'll see if he asks for one. We had a great time hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and were planning to do so again this week, but she had to cancel due to work stuff. I expected Boy to want to just replace the plans we had with them with new ones for the two of us, but he hasn't mentioned anything. I'm just feeling unmotivated to push right now.
Work stuff has gotten better. Boss gave a promotion I deserved (but didn't expect to get) to someone else just to make people shut up. One of my coworkers and I are the only ones pissed, so I guess it worked. I'm looking for similar opportunities elsewhere, because I am tired of feeling like my professional life is stagnant. I need to feel an upward trajectory.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
I've been feeling a bit low in general. Probably part of my issue with Boy. Tonight, though, has made me feel cared for.
I have a bucket list, of sorts, that I started on Pinterest. I've shared it with all three of the guys, and I decided that I want to visit a few of the places on the list this year. First trip (a short one, something within a few hours of here) in March. I was going to do it with a friend. All three have offered to take time off work and go with me if I want him to. How sweet is that? Hubby didn't even bat an eye, asking when WE were going. He was a bit disappointed that I was planning it without including him (but he understood and is cool with it). Boy said he'd have to lie and call in sick, but he'd do it (I said no). Nog said he could totally make it work and would love to go. I haven't flat out turned him down yet.
My friend is iffy, and while I would like to think I'd still go alone... I probably wouldn't. Hubby has already made other plans for those dates, thinking I'd be gone, and while I know he'd cancel - I'd feel guilty. So... Would it be weird to start planning a trip so soon with someone I've just barely begun dating? I feel like it would, but at the same time... It'd be fun, and I always tell myself I need to be more adventurous....
Things to think about and get excited about! Awesome! I love that I have people around, for the moment, that support my desire to get out and experience new things.
I have a bucket list, of sorts, that I started on Pinterest. I've shared it with all three of the guys, and I decided that I want to visit a few of the places on the list this year. First trip (a short one, something within a few hours of here) in March. I was going to do it with a friend. All three have offered to take time off work and go with me if I want him to. How sweet is that? Hubby didn't even bat an eye, asking when WE were going. He was a bit disappointed that I was planning it without including him (but he understood and is cool with it). Boy said he'd have to lie and call in sick, but he'd do it (I said no). Nog said he could totally make it work and would love to go. I haven't flat out turned him down yet.
My friend is iffy, and while I would like to think I'd still go alone... I probably wouldn't. Hubby has already made other plans for those dates, thinking I'd be gone, and while I know he'd cancel - I'd feel guilty. So... Would it be weird to start planning a trip so soon with someone I've just barely begun dating? I feel like it would, but at the same time... It'd be fun, and I always tell myself I need to be more adventurous....
Things to think about and get excited about! Awesome! I love that I have people around, for the moment, that support my desire to get out and experience new things.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
The day after I post about feeling disconnected... Boy invites himself over. Shows up with a dozen roses, chocolates, and dinner (Chinese takeout from my favorite place - yum!). We have this amazing evening of documentary watching, great conversation, and very intimate sex. It was great. He's coming over again tomorrow or Friday (depends how his work day is tomorrow) so that I can cook a fancy dinner for our Valentine's date (since he likes to celebrate it).
Hubby and I also have plans on Valentine's Day - first time ever! I'm very excited, and he seems to be, too. I don't really care that it's on Valentine's, but I'm looking forward to the activity. I think we're going to do the event part of the date on Saturday then dinner on Sunday, to avoid the crowds. Two-part date! Woohoo!
I'm feeling much cheerier. It's amazing how these guys so often manage to pull me out of my funks.
Hubby and I also have plans on Valentine's Day - first time ever! I'm very excited, and he seems to be, too. I don't really care that it's on Valentine's, but I'm looking forward to the activity. I think we're going to do the event part of the date on Saturday then dinner on Sunday, to avoid the crowds. Two-part date! Woohoo!
I'm feeling much cheerier. It's amazing how these guys so often manage to pull me out of my funks.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Valentine's date part 2 with Boy is going well. Unfortunately, my delicious dinner was too awesome and we overate. Relaxing on the couch for a while watching a bad movie until we feel okay enough to go to bed. Oh, and I told him about this blog! He knew I read the site often but found it interesting that I've been writing. I told him it helps me form coherent thoughts and that he's welcome to read it if he wants, as long as he won't be offended by my unfiltered, often unprocessed thoughts and feelings. I highly doubt he'll be surprised by anything, if he does decide to visit.
Still excited for tomorrow! Even more so since I get to wake up next to Boy and fall asleep next to Hubby. It'll be a good day.
Still excited for tomorrow! Even more so since I get to wake up next to Boy and fall asleep next to Hubby.
It'll be a good day.AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Hubby and my Valentine's day ended up horrible. He triggered me in the morning, and I was just upset all day. We ended up having an okay evening in, but it wasn't the big thing we were planning originally. There is a long history of him consistently choosing to stay up late (I mean, 3-6am bed time) and sleeping in (noon-3am wake time) instead of getting up on our days together, which is fine when we don't have plans but when we do (like on V-day) it makes me feel unimportant/forgotten/not cared about. So, it wasn't pretty. We've been okay this week, though. We talked it out, agreed we were both at fault since I could have tried harder to get him up. I'm tired of having to wake him up, though. That's what his alarms are for. Oh, well. If it's important to me, I should make the effort.
It amazes how we can be so amazing in so many ways, but there are all of these little things that just don't feel right at times.
Boy and I have been great. Plenty of great conversation. Our sex has been very intimate and loving lately. He has commented multiple times about how he enjoys just holding me, and even if he doesn't sleep great at my place (my mattress is NOT his preferred type) he always feel more rested after spending time with me. We went out to dinner the other night and actually had someone make a joke about what a cute couple we were. I figured out what he would want for dinner before he even knew, and he did the same for me. Then we kept talking in unison and laughing so hard about it. The waitress had a big grin on her face every time she came near us, and the couple in the booth next to ours leaned over to say they hope they look as happy as we do. I thought that was sweet. This lack of expectation but enjoying the intimacy thing is really working out. Maybe I should strive harder for this model elsewhere, too.
Nog and I are seeing each other this weekend. I'm excited, but not horribly eager. I feel like I should be feeling more NRE at this point. I enjoy him, but it isn't terribly passionate on my end. Which stinks, because in theory, he is perfect for me. He has already requested the time off of work to go on my trip, if it works out. He told me he wanted some time anyway, so even if he doesn't go with me he'll take the days.
Then, there's my job. My horrible, drama-filled job that I wish I didn't love. That's right. Two weeks or so of peace, and now it's all gone to shit again. Talking to my boss tomorrow.
It amazes how we can be so amazing in so many ways, but there are all of these little things that just don't feel right at times.
Boy and I have been great. Plenty of great conversation. Our sex has been very intimate and loving lately. He has commented multiple times about how he enjoys just holding me, and even if he doesn't sleep great at my place (my mattress is NOT his preferred type) he always feel more rested after spending time with me. We went out to dinner the other night and actually had someone make a joke about what a cute couple we were. I figured out what he would want for dinner before he even knew, and he did the same for me. Then we kept talking in unison and laughing so hard about it. The waitress had a big grin on her face every time she came near us, and the couple in the booth next to ours leaned over to say they hope they look as happy as we do. I thought that was sweet. This lack of expectation but enjoying the intimacy thing is really working out. Maybe I should strive harder for this model elsewhere, too.
Nog and I are seeing each other this weekend. I'm excited, but not horribly eager. I feel like I should be feeling more NRE at this point. I enjoy him, but it isn't terribly passionate on my end. Which stinks, because in theory, he is perfect for me. He has already requested the time off of work to go on my trip, if it works out. He told me he wanted some time anyway, so even if he doesn't go with me he'll take the days.
Then, there's my job. My horrible, drama-filled job that I wish I didn't love. That's right. Two weeks or so of peace, and now it's all gone to shit again. Talking to my boss tomorrow.
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Life goes on.
I had a very difficult, emotional week. Hubby was as great as he could be, but our schedules sucked because of someone being on vacation and Hubby needing to cover. Boy just kind of vanished. He had shit, too, but I was too torn up to even ask. It was the same old stuff that he's known about for months and been procrastinating about, though, so I was upset he couldn't at least make a bit of time for me when I really needed hugs. He did make it up over the weekend, though.
I'm feeling pretty good now. I have plans tomorrow to see Fifty Shades with a friend. Boy and I made plans with a woman at the end of the month. She's coming to town for a couple of months for work, and I'm hoping we all hit it off enough to have a threesome or two or ten. Hubby is going to go on the trip with me this month, too, since Nog wasn't able to actually get one of the days off. We could have made it work, but Hubby was feeling weird about me going out of town with someone so new anyway. Add in my lack of passion and it was a done deal.
My life has been pretty boring lately. Nothing exciting or dramatic.
I had a very difficult, emotional week. Hubby was as great as he could be, but our schedules sucked because of someone being on vacation and Hubby needing to cover. Boy just kind of vanished. He had shit, too, but I was too torn up to even ask. It was the same old stuff that he's known about for months and been procrastinating about, though, so I was upset he couldn't at least make a bit of time for me when I really needed hugs. He did make it up over the weekend, though.
I'm feeling pretty good now. I have plans tomorrow to see Fifty Shades with a friend. Boy and I made plans with a woman at the end of the month. She's coming to town for a couple of months for work, and I'm hoping we all hit it off enough to have a threesome or two or ten. Hubby is going to go on the trip with me this month, too, since Nog wasn't able to actually get one of the days off. We could have made it work, but Hubby was feeling weird about me going out of town with someone so new anyway. Add in my lack of passion and it was a done deal.
My life has been pretty boring lately. Nothing exciting or dramatic.