Telling the family and finally coming out

[princessaja]

My husband and I have been open to the idea of expanding our family into a poly configuration for almost four years. We had been actively looking for a third member for almost two years without much luck. Several months ago we met someone who really embraced both of us and whom I have fallen in love with. We are all very happy with the relationships.

My family and my partners family as well as several friends know about our lifestyle. However, my husbands family is a bit more conservative and hasn't been told yet. After the three of us discussed it we feel ready to let them know. Any advice out there? I am so nervous about it.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi princessaja,

I suppose I would start with your husband's parents. Call them and say that you have something important to tell them in person, and when is a good time to come over and talk. I suggest you and your husband both sit down with them. Then say something like, "We wanted to tell you that we have decided to have a nonmonogamous relationship." Give them some time to digest this. Answer any questions they have to the best of your ability, as long as the questions aren't inappropriate/intrusive. If they explode or freak out, tell them you can talk again later, excuse yourself, and show yourself out. Hopefully it won't come to that but be prepared to walk out just in case. You will have to use your own good judgment on where to draw the line.

Then do a similar course of action with your husband's siblings, one at a time (with their spouse). I don't think I would go so far as to formally tell extended family, just be ready to answer their questions frankly if and when they ask. Also anyone who lives a long ways away you would probably tell over the phone or by email.

Bear in mind, I am only describing how I would do it, based on my limited knowledge, and most of my experience is that of just reading what other forum members have had to say in the past. There's no guarantees that following my advice will result in everyone taking the news well. Indeed there may not be any advice that could guarantee that. So you may want to sift through what I've written and just use the stuff that sounds like a good idea. I wouldn't mind.

Coming out to a conservative family is tough to do. I hope it turns out for you better than expected.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

Kevin's suggestion is a good one. I would add that maybe an email or snail mail letter would work even if your h's family lives nearby. Then you won't have to experience their initial reaction first hand, if you anticipate it being rude or over the top shocked.

Know that it can take a year or two for conservative family or friends to adjust. So be prepared for a big learning curve, and maybe some harsh judgments and insults for some time to come. Good luck.