Reverie
Active member
Hello. I'm Reverie, and I'm brand new here! I'm mostly new to poly, too. I figured that I'd share my story here to inspire others—so far, it's going really well!—and also to chronicle my personal life in a way that I kind of can't on my "real" blog.
About me:
I'm a 32-year-old bi-but-closer-to-straight woman who moved across the country about a year ago. I'm still getting my bearings in my new home state, and I've met some wonderful people here.
My poly backstory:
I've never been particularly good with monogamy. From the first stirrings of puberty, I almost always had crushes on more than one guy at once. When I was younger than I am now and had less self control, I used to cheat on people—I never started out meaning to, but I played with fire and often burned myself and those around me. I've since learned to control my sexual urges when necessary, and I haven't cheated on anyone in years.
I was in a poly relationship once before, albeit briefly. When my marriage ended some years ago, I was dating someone and I decided that poly was something that I wanted to do, and I added another partner to that relationship. Neither of those partners was very interested in poly—each decided to give it a try for me—and when the first relationship didn't work out for other reasons, I agreed to give monogamy a try again with the remaining partner, since I was already in love with him and didn't want to lose him. Four years later, I was feeling the chafe of monogamy, and asked him to open the relationship. He didn't want to, and the relationship ended.
The current situation:
Now I am in a poly relationship with Rider, 37, who was a good friend of mine for months before things took a turn for the romantic/sexual (though I believe there was some mutual-but-undiscussed crushing happening for a while). We've been dating for about three months, and are still in the HOLYSHITBALLS stage of NRE. Rider's other girlfriend, Claire, is 27. They have an interesting history, in that they dated for a while years ago, had a rocky breakup and didn't speak for years, and then they reconnected about a year before I started dating him. She's the one who introduced him to the idea of poly, in this most recent incarnation of their relationship.
Rider and Claire have a different set of boundaries than Rider and I do. Claire prefers something akin to a DADT policy, though she knows about me. She doesn't like to hear specifics, and she doesn't (to my knowledge) share specifics with Rider about her extraneous activities. By contrast, Rider and I tell each other EVERYTHING—every place we go, every person we meet, every joy and every nagging insecurity or fear. It's been that way since before we started dating: a totally unguarded friendship. I generally see him 2–4 times per week, depending on what's going on in other areas of each of our lives.
I've been going on outside dates, but I haven't met anyone I've really clicked with yet. I'm really swept away by Rider, but it would be nice to have someone to go out with when he's busy with Claire, so I keep making dates when the opportunity presents itself. I've also recently become active in a poly social group in my area.
I'm really enjoying the poly dynamic so far. The BIGGEST perk for me is that—though it might anyway—my relationship doesn't HAVE TO end. Before I always felt like my relationships had a built-in expiration date, because I'd always get interested in someone else, and I'd begin to feel trapped, like I had to forsake one love to pursue the other. No longer! The second-biggest perk is probably that feeling that I don't have to be everything to someone: if there's something that I can't give a partner, they can go find it somewhere else, and I needn't fear losing them to that something else—they can enjoy it concurrently. Thus, no more worrying about not having big enough breasts, or an assertive enough demeanor, or a shared love of sports or what-have-you.
Read on, if you are interested in my story. If not, that's fine too; I'm in large part keeping this as a journal for my own purposes. First status post to follow shortly!
About me:
I'm a 32-year-old bi-but-closer-to-straight woman who moved across the country about a year ago. I'm still getting my bearings in my new home state, and I've met some wonderful people here.
My poly backstory:
I've never been particularly good with monogamy. From the first stirrings of puberty, I almost always had crushes on more than one guy at once. When I was younger than I am now and had less self control, I used to cheat on people—I never started out meaning to, but I played with fire and often burned myself and those around me. I've since learned to control my sexual urges when necessary, and I haven't cheated on anyone in years.
I was in a poly relationship once before, albeit briefly. When my marriage ended some years ago, I was dating someone and I decided that poly was something that I wanted to do, and I added another partner to that relationship. Neither of those partners was very interested in poly—each decided to give it a try for me—and when the first relationship didn't work out for other reasons, I agreed to give monogamy a try again with the remaining partner, since I was already in love with him and didn't want to lose him. Four years later, I was feeling the chafe of monogamy, and asked him to open the relationship. He didn't want to, and the relationship ended.
The current situation:
Now I am in a poly relationship with Rider, 37, who was a good friend of mine for months before things took a turn for the romantic/sexual (though I believe there was some mutual-but-undiscussed crushing happening for a while). We've been dating for about three months, and are still in the HOLYSHITBALLS stage of NRE. Rider's other girlfriend, Claire, is 27. They have an interesting history, in that they dated for a while years ago, had a rocky breakup and didn't speak for years, and then they reconnected about a year before I started dating him. She's the one who introduced him to the idea of poly, in this most recent incarnation of their relationship.
Rider and Claire have a different set of boundaries than Rider and I do. Claire prefers something akin to a DADT policy, though she knows about me. She doesn't like to hear specifics, and she doesn't (to my knowledge) share specifics with Rider about her extraneous activities. By contrast, Rider and I tell each other EVERYTHING—every place we go, every person we meet, every joy and every nagging insecurity or fear. It's been that way since before we started dating: a totally unguarded friendship. I generally see him 2–4 times per week, depending on what's going on in other areas of each of our lives.
I've been going on outside dates, but I haven't met anyone I've really clicked with yet. I'm really swept away by Rider, but it would be nice to have someone to go out with when he's busy with Claire, so I keep making dates when the opportunity presents itself. I've also recently become active in a poly social group in my area.
I'm really enjoying the poly dynamic so far. The BIGGEST perk for me is that—though it might anyway—my relationship doesn't HAVE TO end. Before I always felt like my relationships had a built-in expiration date, because I'd always get interested in someone else, and I'd begin to feel trapped, like I had to forsake one love to pursue the other. No longer! The second-biggest perk is probably that feeling that I don't have to be everything to someone: if there's something that I can't give a partner, they can go find it somewhere else, and I needn't fear losing them to that something else—they can enjoy it concurrently. Thus, no more worrying about not having big enough breasts, or an assertive enough demeanor, or a shared love of sports or what-have-you.
Read on, if you are interested in my story. If not, that's fine too; I'm in large part keeping this as a journal for my own purposes. First status post to follow shortly!