AutumnLeaves
New member
Yay!
The Best Life Yet
- Thread starter Reverie
- Start date
Reverie
Active member
Last night was good. Dustin picked me up from work, and it was so good to be near him. He asked about Rider, whether he'd had fun, pretty early in the conversation, and said he thought Rider was "cool." I thanked Dustin for going so far to make Rider comfortable, and I passed along Rider's thanks too.
He took me to a hip-fancy Italian place, and we split a few things and had a couple glasses of wine. It's so nice to have someone who is also into fine dining AND who is down to split dishes. I always want to split because I can never finish and hate carrying leftovers around, but Rider is so big that he always needs his own meal. It's always a pleasant novelty when I'm dating someone who's into splitting stuff. Beckett would sometimes do that too. It turns out that Dustin knows quite a bit about wine. I have to say that his combo of punk rock ethos plus being a little bit fancy about some things is exactly up my alley—I am that same way, and it seems pretty rare.
Also, he introduced me to affogato, which was fucking delicious.
After dinner, we went across the street to a bar that he used to play at weekly. It's attached to a diner, and we had a cocktail, and he introduced me to the bar staff and also to this cute little old diner waitress that he's apparently known for close to 20 years. As we were walking back to the car, he did a kindness for another old lady out on the sidewalk, and I just melted. I love old people, and I love how sweet Dustin is.
On the way back to his place, we stopped at the grocery store for a couple small things. As we were pulling into the parking lot, a Teenage Fanclub song came on the radio—the one with the lyric "she don't do drugs but she does the Pill" and I started talking about how happy I was to not be on the Pill anymore, after being on it from the ages of 14–27. Getting my copper IUD changed my life, and I said so. He was curious about it. We'd never discussed it other than I told him I was protected against pregnancy when we'd had that condom mishap. He asked some questions, some of which were perfectly fine, but then one was "how soon after removing that could you get pregnant?" and I also answered that one but gave him the side-eye and said, "Not that that is going to happen. I get a new one put in next year, and it's good for ten years." I know he loves babies and all, but this womb is not open for business, lol. Also we've been dating a month. Hopefully he's just curious about women's health facts.
We went back to his place, and his brother's girlfriend was there. We chatted with her for a bit before retiring to his room. She seems really nice and gave me a big hug.
The sex was mind-blowing. There was one point where I'd already had an orgasm, and we were trying (unsuccessfully, due to his condom issue) to get him off, and it was just regular missionary but I literally felt like I was turning into a current of electricity and crackling all over, like some kind of crazy primal energy was entering the world through my body. It wasn't orgasm, it was . . . something else. I actually had to make him stop because the pleasure and sensation were so intense that my limbs were flopping around all limp and impossible to control, and I was trembling too hard and was too shocked to keep going. My entire body was shaking uncontrollably for a great many minutes after that, like I'd just carried a too-heavy weight for too far, and so was his, I could feel it. I felt a little bad that he didn't get off, but I think he felt the same thing and also needed to stop, because I apologized and he was like, "no, I get it, that was crazy." I have no idea what the fuck that was, but it was amazing? And kind of scary? We lay for a while just in a breathless, quivering heap.
I am curious as to whether that will ever happen again. I've had plenty of good sex before, some of it quite intense, but that was so intense that it almost transcended being good and turned into being uncomfortable. But maybe with practice? No idea. Mind still blown.
It took a while for us both to return to the real world and to stop shaking. Every time I thought I was OK, I'd go to lift an arm and start trembling again. Finally we felt OK and resolved to check the time. Still over an hour before bedtime!
"I think I'd like a drink after that," he said. "Interested in going out just for one? I'll buy!" And I agreed. We went to his favorite and most local bar, where he introduced me to yet more people. It was pretty uneventful and relaxing. We mostly just schemed strategies for making this weekend run smoothly—he'll buy the rum, and I'll buy the ingredients for the piña colada mix, etc. Then we went back to his place and to bed.
He's not used to going to bed as early as I do, so he had some trouble getting to sleep, I think, and did a fair bit of thrashing around. I didn't sleep as well as I did last time, though I did again dream of him all night. Again in the morning it was super hard to get out of bed and disentangle myself from him, and again he made me coffee and took me back to work.
(continued . . . )
He took me to a hip-fancy Italian place, and we split a few things and had a couple glasses of wine. It's so nice to have someone who is also into fine dining AND who is down to split dishes. I always want to split because I can never finish and hate carrying leftovers around, but Rider is so big that he always needs his own meal. It's always a pleasant novelty when I'm dating someone who's into splitting stuff. Beckett would sometimes do that too. It turns out that Dustin knows quite a bit about wine. I have to say that his combo of punk rock ethos plus being a little bit fancy about some things is exactly up my alley—I am that same way, and it seems pretty rare.
Also, he introduced me to affogato, which was fucking delicious.
After dinner, we went across the street to a bar that he used to play at weekly. It's attached to a diner, and we had a cocktail, and he introduced me to the bar staff and also to this cute little old diner waitress that he's apparently known for close to 20 years. As we were walking back to the car, he did a kindness for another old lady out on the sidewalk, and I just melted. I love old people, and I love how sweet Dustin is.
On the way back to his place, we stopped at the grocery store for a couple small things. As we were pulling into the parking lot, a Teenage Fanclub song came on the radio—the one with the lyric "she don't do drugs but she does the Pill" and I started talking about how happy I was to not be on the Pill anymore, after being on it from the ages of 14–27. Getting my copper IUD changed my life, and I said so. He was curious about it. We'd never discussed it other than I told him I was protected against pregnancy when we'd had that condom mishap. He asked some questions, some of which were perfectly fine, but then one was "how soon after removing that could you get pregnant?" and I also answered that one but gave him the side-eye and said, "Not that that is going to happen. I get a new one put in next year, and it's good for ten years." I know he loves babies and all, but this womb is not open for business, lol. Also we've been dating a month. Hopefully he's just curious about women's health facts.
We went back to his place, and his brother's girlfriend was there. We chatted with her for a bit before retiring to his room. She seems really nice and gave me a big hug.
The sex was mind-blowing. There was one point where I'd already had an orgasm, and we were trying (unsuccessfully, due to his condom issue) to get him off, and it was just regular missionary but I literally felt like I was turning into a current of electricity and crackling all over, like some kind of crazy primal energy was entering the world through my body. It wasn't orgasm, it was . . . something else. I actually had to make him stop because the pleasure and sensation were so intense that my limbs were flopping around all limp and impossible to control, and I was trembling too hard and was too shocked to keep going. My entire body was shaking uncontrollably for a great many minutes after that, like I'd just carried a too-heavy weight for too far, and so was his, I could feel it. I felt a little bad that he didn't get off, but I think he felt the same thing and also needed to stop, because I apologized and he was like, "no, I get it, that was crazy." I have no idea what the fuck that was, but it was amazing? And kind of scary? We lay for a while just in a breathless, quivering heap.
I am curious as to whether that will ever happen again. I've had plenty of good sex before, some of it quite intense, but that was so intense that it almost transcended being good and turned into being uncomfortable. But maybe with practice? No idea. Mind still blown.
It took a while for us both to return to the real world and to stop shaking. Every time I thought I was OK, I'd go to lift an arm and start trembling again. Finally we felt OK and resolved to check the time. Still over an hour before bedtime!
"I think I'd like a drink after that," he said. "Interested in going out just for one? I'll buy!" And I agreed. We went to his favorite and most local bar, where he introduced me to yet more people. It was pretty uneventful and relaxing. We mostly just schemed strategies for making this weekend run smoothly—he'll buy the rum, and I'll buy the ingredients for the piña colada mix, etc. Then we went back to his place and to bed.
He's not used to going to bed as early as I do, so he had some trouble getting to sleep, I think, and did a fair bit of thrashing around. I didn't sleep as well as I did last time, though I did again dream of him all night. Again in the morning it was super hard to get out of bed and disentangle myself from him, and again he made me coffee and took me back to work.
(continued . . . )
Reverie
Active member
( . . . continued from previous)
I don't really know what I am gonna do about the condom issue. Anal worked the once, but I am not going to be down for that every time, and I wasn't last night. Dustin says he would let me know if he has been or wants to be with anyone else, and that he has zero interest in that right now. Historically, pre-Rider, if I trusted someone, I would always take testing and that promise as reason enough to ditch the condoms relatively early on, as I am not their biggest fan myself. But I do have Rider to think about, and he has valid concerns. But I keep running into these guys whose dicks don't work well with condoms. It's some kind of curse. I guess this is the most dating around I've done—previously I was usually in LTRs—so it makes sense that encountering more people means that I encounter problems more often too.
I dunno. My method has served me well so far. I've had 45 partners (though that includes women) and have mostly done the test-n-ditch method to great success. The one STI situation I've possibly run into (the possible maybe-trich diagnosis) was actually with Rider, and he's the most condom-religious person I know. I'm totally comfortable with returning to using condoms with Rider, if that solves the comfort-level thing on his end (though I may try something other than latex, as I do generally notice greater UTI problems when I'm using them and I'm wondering if it is a mild allergy). For me, as I've discussed here, fluid-bonding is mainly an issue of safety and practicality. For Rider, there's an emotional component that needs to be addressed.
My conundrum is always how to accommodate one partner's sexual function and/or pleasure, while at the same time, accommodating another partner's comfort and safety concerns. Both are obviously important. But the two have opposite solutions. Generally, I'm inclined to place priority on the physical issue because the emotional side of things tends to be more flexible with work. We'll see. I've scheduled a talk with Rider about it for tomorrow. I feel like, yes, it's early to be thinking/talking about that, but it's also for a reason, and I don't feel like, after testing, etc., that I'm being unduly reckless. For Rider's part, he seems not stressed at all that the discussion is pending, which I think is a good sign. However it ends up going, I'm very heartened that just the spectre of talking itself isn't enough to stress him, like it used to.
The only question, really, is how much do I choose to trust Dustin. And I think the answer is "a lot." After everything he's done right, and after all the sweetness I've seen him exhibit toward me and others, I find it really easy to trust him. I guess it's possible that it will be foolish and come back to bite me, but I don't want to think that way.
Actually, speaking of trust, I realized something cool and slightly BDSM-y last night. So Dustin likes to take the lead—seems to actually enjoy it—whether in bed or out of it. And as we were walking around last night, I decided to do something kind of weird but that to me felt hot and like turning power over to him even more: every time we crossed a street (and we were always holding hands), I didn't bother to look both ways for myself. I just trusted that he would step with me and lead me when it was time to go, and that he wouldn't put me in harm's way. Somehow, it made crossing the street hot! Who knew?! LOL! It was so hot to just sort of put my fate in his hands, even for a silly little thing like that.
I think it's the closest I've come to understanding kink at a visceral level instead of just as a fun, intellectual activity and exercise. I have a lot of fun topping Rider and doing all the stuff that he likes, but doing that isn't libido-grabbing to me. It's just fun, and sometimes it's hot because it's naked fun we're having together, but the situations themselves rarely inspire any particular lust, if that makes any kind of sense. It's like solving a puzzle: what will get the most rise out of Rider? OK, I'll do that! Fun! But apparently the other side is a LOT more, um, titillating to me, like so much so that mundane tasks can suddenly become sexy. TIL!
I told Rider about the street-crossing thing, and he said, "I like how your mind works!" He is having nothing but compersion for me now, which is excellent.
He had a second date last night with the girl he was more attracted to out of the two. He said he'll definitely be seeing her again, so I might as well name her. I'll call her Viv. He actually got a kiss at the end of this one, and he said it was a very hot kiss from the start, which is a good sign. He's all dopey-happy today like I was yesterday. It's adorable. He said he's hoping he'll get another date with her this coming weekend while I'm out of town. I hope he does, too!
He seemed a little shocked that I responded so positively, but, literally I have zero bad feelings, only super-good ones. Having experienced how my love for Dustin has been reflecting onto and multiplying my love for Rider, I am actually hopeful for Rider that he can experience that too. It's not entirely altruistic, either—I want summa that reflected, multiplied love from him!
My life is so strange and so awesome.
I don't really know what I am gonna do about the condom issue. Anal worked the once, but I am not going to be down for that every time, and I wasn't last night. Dustin says he would let me know if he has been or wants to be with anyone else, and that he has zero interest in that right now. Historically, pre-Rider, if I trusted someone, I would always take testing and that promise as reason enough to ditch the condoms relatively early on, as I am not their biggest fan myself. But I do have Rider to think about, and he has valid concerns. But I keep running into these guys whose dicks don't work well with condoms. It's some kind of curse. I guess this is the most dating around I've done—previously I was usually in LTRs—so it makes sense that encountering more people means that I encounter problems more often too.
I dunno. My method has served me well so far. I've had 45 partners (though that includes women) and have mostly done the test-n-ditch method to great success. The one STI situation I've possibly run into (the possible maybe-trich diagnosis) was actually with Rider, and he's the most condom-religious person I know. I'm totally comfortable with returning to using condoms with Rider, if that solves the comfort-level thing on his end (though I may try something other than latex, as I do generally notice greater UTI problems when I'm using them and I'm wondering if it is a mild allergy). For me, as I've discussed here, fluid-bonding is mainly an issue of safety and practicality. For Rider, there's an emotional component that needs to be addressed.
My conundrum is always how to accommodate one partner's sexual function and/or pleasure, while at the same time, accommodating another partner's comfort and safety concerns. Both are obviously important. But the two have opposite solutions. Generally, I'm inclined to place priority on the physical issue because the emotional side of things tends to be more flexible with work. We'll see. I've scheduled a talk with Rider about it for tomorrow. I feel like, yes, it's early to be thinking/talking about that, but it's also for a reason, and I don't feel like, after testing, etc., that I'm being unduly reckless. For Rider's part, he seems not stressed at all that the discussion is pending, which I think is a good sign. However it ends up going, I'm very heartened that just the spectre of talking itself isn't enough to stress him, like it used to.
The only question, really, is how much do I choose to trust Dustin. And I think the answer is "a lot." After everything he's done right, and after all the sweetness I've seen him exhibit toward me and others, I find it really easy to trust him. I guess it's possible that it will be foolish and come back to bite me, but I don't want to think that way.
Actually, speaking of trust, I realized something cool and slightly BDSM-y last night. So Dustin likes to take the lead—seems to actually enjoy it—whether in bed or out of it. And as we were walking around last night, I decided to do something kind of weird but that to me felt hot and like turning power over to him even more: every time we crossed a street (and we were always holding hands), I didn't bother to look both ways for myself. I just trusted that he would step with me and lead me when it was time to go, and that he wouldn't put me in harm's way. Somehow, it made crossing the street hot! Who knew?! LOL! It was so hot to just sort of put my fate in his hands, even for a silly little thing like that.
I think it's the closest I've come to understanding kink at a visceral level instead of just as a fun, intellectual activity and exercise. I have a lot of fun topping Rider and doing all the stuff that he likes, but doing that isn't libido-grabbing to me. It's just fun, and sometimes it's hot because it's naked fun we're having together, but the situations themselves rarely inspire any particular lust, if that makes any kind of sense. It's like solving a puzzle: what will get the most rise out of Rider? OK, I'll do that! Fun! But apparently the other side is a LOT more, um, titillating to me, like so much so that mundane tasks can suddenly become sexy. TIL!
I told Rider about the street-crossing thing, and he said, "I like how your mind works!" He is having nothing but compersion for me now, which is excellent.
He had a second date last night with the girl he was more attracted to out of the two. He said he'll definitely be seeing her again, so I might as well name her. I'll call her Viv. He actually got a kiss at the end of this one, and he said it was a very hot kiss from the start, which is a good sign. He's all dopey-happy today like I was yesterday. It's adorable. He said he's hoping he'll get another date with her this coming weekend while I'm out of town. I hope he does, too!
He seemed a little shocked that I responded so positively, but, literally I have zero bad feelings, only super-good ones. Having experienced how my love for Dustin has been reflecting onto and multiplying my love for Rider, I am actually hopeful for Rider that he can experience that too. It's not entirely altruistic, either—I want summa that reflected, multiplied love from him!
My life is so strange and so awesome.
Spork
Active member
Regarding the "omg wtf" experience you had during sex:
Yeah, I have unusual responses like that sometimes with Zen. I just consider it "yet another" kind of orgasm, but there are times I can't keep taking it and have to ask him to stop. Can happen with various activities we do.
Electricity and floppy, twitchy muscles? Weird almost spiritual connection sometimes? Yes. Done those. Ever had one where it felt like waves of intense heat followed by intense chills alternating? That one is hard to bear as well.
First partner I've ever had who short-circuited my nervous system.
Although, to be fair, a sybian can kinda do that, too. But Zen is sometimes more intense even than that.
I have identified and named 7 different kinds of orgasms or orgasm-like experiences. Four out of those, are new to me with Zen. One of the other three, he is the first to reliably be able to do, only a couple of others ever made it happen and even then only once or twice in my life.
YAY FOR GREAT SEX!!
Yeah, I have unusual responses like that sometimes with Zen. I just consider it "yet another" kind of orgasm, but there are times I can't keep taking it and have to ask him to stop. Can happen with various activities we do.
Electricity and floppy, twitchy muscles? Weird almost spiritual connection sometimes? Yes. Done those. Ever had one where it felt like waves of intense heat followed by intense chills alternating? That one is hard to bear as well.
First partner I've ever had who short-circuited my nervous system.
Although, to be fair, a sybian can kinda do that, too. But Zen is sometimes more intense even than that.
I have identified and named 7 different kinds of orgasms or orgasm-like experiences. Four out of those, are new to me with Zen. One of the other three, he is the first to reliably be able to do, only a couple of others ever made it happen and even then only once or twice in my life.
YAY FOR GREAT SEX!!
Reverie
Active member
Hmm, I don't think so about the heat/chills one. I think all my orgasms have just been "regular," although sometimes, post-orgasm, if I keep going, I get a pleasure that is not orgasm that can feel better to me than orgasm, and I'm able to stay more conscious during it than during orgasm (during which I usually kind of blast off).
Yeah, I'm still totally mind-blown and befuddled by last night. I kind of want more? But I'm also kind of freaked out. It's the kind of wanting more that happens when you touch something that shocks you and you want to touch it again just to see if the same thing happens and whether you can stand it. (Or am I the only weird child who did that when I found a source of mild electrocution?)
Spork
Active member
Reverie
Active member
Reverie
Active member
Ugh, like clockwork, here comes my regular "had a bunch of condom sex" beginning UTI symptoms. Hopefully it is early enough for me to cranberry it out after stopping at the store later, so I don't have to be on meds while out of town. Literally I didn't get a single one while I was fluid bonded with both Rider and Jasper. It was a nice respite. But new dude = condoms = UTI = eventual antibiotics = inevitable yeast infection = ughhhhhhh.
Ever since I put two and two together after fluid bonding with Jasper on the early side that condoms exacerbate my tendency to UTI, I feel like an entire area of my life makes sense in a way it didn't before. It's exactly why I kept getting them with Rider even after the relationship wasn't new anymore. For years and years, I'd always thought the new partner = UTI had to do with my body getting used to their microscopic critters. And I was so confused when I kept getting them during the long stretches with Rider when I wasn't with anyone new, till I added that up.
I at first thought maybe it was a mild latex allergy, despite never reacting to latex gloves or clothing. But further reading this morning seems to suggest that it is not actually likely to be that. It's likelier to be something about the lubricant they come with (if they are lubricated), or the friction from being unlubricated (if they are unlubricated), or that wearing a condom sometimes makes guys hammer away more because they feel less. And from what I've read, the polyurethane ones are just as likely to have those problems as the latex. Only lambskin is supposedly somewhat better for UTIs, but even my moral qualms about using the skin of a mammal in such a disposable way aside, they don't provide STI protection.
So.
I feel quite perplexed about what to do. I was HOPING that I'd get off easy this time and maybe, since I hadn't had a UTI for a while, my body had learned to just stave them off. But nope.
All my thinking yesterday about whether to maybe start using condoms with Rider again to protect him if I stopped using them with Dustin—that's probably out. And obviously even though I generally see Dustin only once a week, that's not infrequent enough to stop it from happening, either. I feel so screwed, and I don't mean in a good way.
I can think of only three options:
1) Fluid bond with a very small number of people after testing and test hyper-vigilantly, getting them agree to always wrap it with outsiders, or to disclose and re-test if they have failed to do so.
2) Suffer the libido-killing UTI/yeast cycle indefinitely.
3) Monogamy, also libido-killing for me.
I have tried literally everything else with this UTI stuff. I already wiped the correct way all my life. I've tried peeing immediately after sex. Cotton underwear. Getting special bike shorts so everything is breathable and taking them off when I get off the bike. Taking daily cranberry pills and high doses of vitamin C. When I got really desperate, I tried washing immediately before and after sex, and before and after bike rides. Nothing helped.
No matter how many of those things I'm doing, I still get UTIs if condoms enter the picture. And no matter how many of those I get lazy about when I'm not using condoms (well, I get lazy about the extra washing, the peeing, and the daily cranberry pills because they're expensive), I don't have any problem if there are no condoms.
As if the UTI/antibiotic/yeast cycle in itself were not enough, I'm also allergic to the main antibiotic that they use to treat them, so they have to give me a different, more expensive one. And the minute clinic copays. And the taking time from work to go sit there. And the cranberry pills are $13 for 100, and the juice is $4–5 per bottle for the good, unsweetened stuff that actually works.
It's painful, expensive, libido-killing, stressful, and just overall shitty-shitty-shitty. I'm so angry with my body right now. Why can't it just be "regular" and either tolerate condoms well, or tolerate monogamy well? Why does it have to throw this drama-causing wrench in there just when things were otherwise going so well.
I really hope the cranberry stuff that I get tonight staves this thing off before my trip. The last thing I need right now is to spend time and money at the minute clinic, and to be on antibiotics all weekend.
Ever since I put two and two together after fluid bonding with Jasper on the early side that condoms exacerbate my tendency to UTI, I feel like an entire area of my life makes sense in a way it didn't before. It's exactly why I kept getting them with Rider even after the relationship wasn't new anymore. For years and years, I'd always thought the new partner = UTI had to do with my body getting used to their microscopic critters. And I was so confused when I kept getting them during the long stretches with Rider when I wasn't with anyone new, till I added that up.
I at first thought maybe it was a mild latex allergy, despite never reacting to latex gloves or clothing. But further reading this morning seems to suggest that it is not actually likely to be that. It's likelier to be something about the lubricant they come with (if they are lubricated), or the friction from being unlubricated (if they are unlubricated), or that wearing a condom sometimes makes guys hammer away more because they feel less. And from what I've read, the polyurethane ones are just as likely to have those problems as the latex. Only lambskin is supposedly somewhat better for UTIs, but even my moral qualms about using the skin of a mammal in such a disposable way aside, they don't provide STI protection.
So.
I feel quite perplexed about what to do. I was HOPING that I'd get off easy this time and maybe, since I hadn't had a UTI for a while, my body had learned to just stave them off. But nope.
All my thinking yesterday about whether to maybe start using condoms with Rider again to protect him if I stopped using them with Dustin—that's probably out. And obviously even though I generally see Dustin only once a week, that's not infrequent enough to stop it from happening, either. I feel so screwed, and I don't mean in a good way.
I can think of only three options:
1) Fluid bond with a very small number of people after testing and test hyper-vigilantly, getting them agree to always wrap it with outsiders, or to disclose and re-test if they have failed to do so.
2) Suffer the libido-killing UTI/yeast cycle indefinitely.
3) Monogamy, also libido-killing for me.
I have tried literally everything else with this UTI stuff. I already wiped the correct way all my life. I've tried peeing immediately after sex. Cotton underwear. Getting special bike shorts so everything is breathable and taking them off when I get off the bike. Taking daily cranberry pills and high doses of vitamin C. When I got really desperate, I tried washing immediately before and after sex, and before and after bike rides. Nothing helped.
No matter how many of those things I'm doing, I still get UTIs if condoms enter the picture. And no matter how many of those I get lazy about when I'm not using condoms (well, I get lazy about the extra washing, the peeing, and the daily cranberry pills because they're expensive), I don't have any problem if there are no condoms.
As if the UTI/antibiotic/yeast cycle in itself were not enough, I'm also allergic to the main antibiotic that they use to treat them, so they have to give me a different, more expensive one. And the minute clinic copays. And the taking time from work to go sit there. And the cranberry pills are $13 for 100, and the juice is $4–5 per bottle for the good, unsweetened stuff that actually works.
It's painful, expensive, libido-killing, stressful, and just overall shitty-shitty-shitty. I'm so angry with my body right now. Why can't it just be "regular" and either tolerate condoms well, or tolerate monogamy well? Why does it have to throw this drama-causing wrench in there just when things were otherwise going so well.
I really hope the cranberry stuff that I get tonight staves this thing off before my trip. The last thing I need right now is to spend time and money at the minute clinic, and to be on antibiotics all weekend.
For what it's worth, I've had similar UTI issues in the past, and switching to non-latex condoms has pretty much entirely taken care of the problem. Maybe it's not a latex issue, maybe the specific spermicide or whatever is different and that's what was doing it, but it's been a lifesaver and I'm never going back. Might be worth giving that a try, even if it's not a guaranteed fix?
If you want a specific recommendation, I use the Skyn brand.
If you want a specific recommendation, I use the Skyn brand.
Reverie
Active member
OMG, thanks for the recommendation! I will mention this when I talk to Rider later. It's awfully heartening to hear that at least one person has had non-latex resolve it. Maybe I'll give it a try and be one of the lucky ones!
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
Same. No other issues with latex at all except in condom form, and skyn is my absolute favorite (and they make a large size too so good for everyone!).
Reverie
Active member
In part thanks to y'all's input, Rider and I have hacked together a workable solution. Dustin and I are going to go condom free, with my having impressed VERY HARD upon him the importance of letting me know if he's ended up in any situations that require re-testing. Rider and I are going to try out the Skyn Large to see if they work for me, and, if they do, we are going to be condom free most of the time, but if something spooks Rider, like Dustin being gone on tour for a while and then coming back to me, we will employ the condoms at that time till Dustin and I have a chance to retest.
There was literally no conflict involved in this conversation. We just discussed the things that were important to us, respectively, and then we problem-solved together to find something that worked. I'm so proud of us!
We also had the "full poly" talk. We're both totally happy to go there again. Rider, for all his hesitance for a while, actually seemed stoked and relieved. So it is what he really wanted after all. He actually high-fived me. He said, "So this means, if you wanted, then Dustin could be your boyfriend." And I told him I'm still not ready to label it, but I admitted it seems to be heading in that direction. After all, Monday night he gave me a toothbrush and offered me a drawer. I plan to take him up on the drawer when we're back from our trip and I have time/funds to purchase a contact lens care set, etc. It'd be really nice not to have to lug my little travel bag around each time I visit.
Rider and I feel better/closer/happier than ever. It's truly amazing. I cooked us a delicious dinner tonight and we hugged and kissed a whole lot. If my UTI situation (which has been improving since I guzzled juice and pills) holds out, I'm looking forward to some good sex later.
Dustin was stoked to hear the condom news. His exact words:
"Thank you Lord! Don't worry my Sweets, I adore you too much to let anything happen to you ♡"
LOL
He's a darling. I adore him too.
So.
As long as my body holds out and beats the inkling of UTI, everything is amazing again. Fingers crossed.
There was literally no conflict involved in this conversation. We just discussed the things that were important to us, respectively, and then we problem-solved together to find something that worked. I'm so proud of us!
We also had the "full poly" talk. We're both totally happy to go there again. Rider, for all his hesitance for a while, actually seemed stoked and relieved. So it is what he really wanted after all. He actually high-fived me. He said, "So this means, if you wanted, then Dustin could be your boyfriend." And I told him I'm still not ready to label it, but I admitted it seems to be heading in that direction. After all, Monday night he gave me a toothbrush and offered me a drawer. I plan to take him up on the drawer when we're back from our trip and I have time/funds to purchase a contact lens care set, etc. It'd be really nice not to have to lug my little travel bag around each time I visit.
Rider and I feel better/closer/happier than ever. It's truly amazing. I cooked us a delicious dinner tonight and we hugged and kissed a whole lot. If my UTI situation (which has been improving since I guzzled juice and pills) holds out, I'm looking forward to some good sex later.
Dustin was stoked to hear the condom news. His exact words:
"Thank you Lord! Don't worry my Sweets, I adore you too much to let anything happen to you ♡"
LOL
He's a darling. I adore him too.
So.
As long as my body holds out and beats the inkling of UTI, everything is amazing again. Fingers crossed.
I never post (I love reading your blog!), but I had to log on to tell you about d-mannose for UTIs. It is natural, food sourced and really works. It's the active thing in cranberries but at a much higher concentration and works by sloughing off and carrying the bacteria that's stuck in the lining of your urinary tract away. It comes in a variety of forms, and if you have an active UTI, you'll want to take a high dose of it throughout the day, over the course of a few days to knock it out. Read up on it a bit and find a good brand, this is a lifesaver. I'm pretty sure I get UTIs from condoms too.
Congrats on all the good things happening lately!
Congrats on all the good things happening lately!
Reverie
Active member
Only one hour till I get to leave work and start my journey toward Dustin for the weekend! I'm all full of excitement and adrenaline like a little kid about to go to Disney. Rider is full of compersion. I have a suitcase filled with poly books, a blender, and piña colada fixings, lol.
ETA: Also, Rider has his third date with Viv set up for Sunday and . . . it's going to be at our apartment! I suggested that he offer her his famous tacos. He's hoping to get lucky.
ETA: Also, Rider has his third date with Viv set up for Sunday and . . . it's going to be at our apartment! I suggested that he offer her his famous tacos. He's hoping to get lucky.
Last edited:
Reverie
Active member
I don't even know where to begin in my story about this weekend, so I think I'm actually just going to leave this post rather short instead of my usual play-by-play. It was intoxicant-soaked and heavenly, and Dustin and I are madly in love. So much good sex and other forms of physical closeness. So much pool time. So much adventure. So many completely wonderful and cheesy declarations of love.
More than one of Dustin's female friends cornered me and told me that they've never seen him like this before: so super into someone. His bestie/bandmate said, "Make Dustin pay attention to the music instead of to you—he SUCKS tonight!" which was not true, but it was funny.
My heart exploded at one point when they were covering "Fooled Around and Fell in Love" and Dustin literally walked off the stage, still playing his bass, with the cord trailing behind, and came over to where I was sitting and kissed me. That has to be one of the most romantic things that anyone has ever done for me.
We stayed at a different hotel each night, and both had private courtyards with brick walls around so that we could be naked outside, which was enchanting. He taught me how to dive in the pool at the second hotel—something I'd always been afraid to do. He used to be a lifeguard, it turns out, and gave good tips.
Last night I'd originally planned to come home, but Rider was having Viv over and so I offered to just crash Dustin's after his Sunday gig. I should not have stayed out so late, but I did it anyway. It was fun, and it was nice to get the extra time.
Rider did end up having sex with Viv for the first time, and he thanked me for making the space for it. He also relaxed about my eventually having Dustin over and in our bed—once he'd done it himself, he said he saw it was no big deal. So that's going really well, I guess. It seems that everything is.
There's only one possible snag, which is that Dustin still seems really confused by the whole poly thing. I lent him Sex at Dawn and the Ethical Slut and he's promised to read them. We shall see. He can't wrap his head around why—if we feel so strongly about each other—either of us would want to be with anyone else. He kept saying it took him 40 years to find me, with his life halfway over, and that he's never met anyone like me, and he doesn't think it's possible for him to feel this way about anyone but me.
He said, "All the things that other women always wanted from me, I never wanted to give them. But I would give you anything. If I could afford it, you'd never have to work another day in your life. And anytime you decide you wanna live for free, you could come live with me." I reminded him that I have a husband and four pets, so that's not really an option, lol.
So we'll see. Even after everything, after how well he and Rider got along, after all of our talks, etc., he may end up being too mono-minded for things to work out. He did tell me that if he tries to walk away, I shouldn't let him. "I'm an idiot sometimes, a knucklehead. If I try to throw this away, the best thing I've ever felt, you have to remind me and fight with me till I change my mind again. Promise me, pinky swear. Be willing to fight for me." And so I pinky swore. And I meant it—I will remind him, and I will fight for him. And I'm trying not to be scared about both of our hearts getting broken.
Relatedly, there's also the issue of his friends. Even though he's said that they all like me, and they can tell he's happy, they all think he's insane for dating a married woman. He said every single one of them gives him shit about it all the time, and it's a constant battle. Luckily, he is very much his own person, but I'm sure it gets exhausting. I'm hopeful that maybe they just get used to it after a while—that if they really see he's happy, they'll just learn how to be happy for him.
But, yeah. Life is good. Dustin is completely amazing. I've never met anyone like him before either. The entire world turns to magic when he's around, like he's some kind of crazy wizard that can just make things happen for us.
Rider is great too. He ran a bunch of crazy errands for me this afternoon because he was working from home and I desperately needed some stuff done. Then he picked me up from work and made me tacos. I'm probably going to bed on the early side tonight. It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed with him for the first time in a few days.
More than one of Dustin's female friends cornered me and told me that they've never seen him like this before: so super into someone. His bestie/bandmate said, "Make Dustin pay attention to the music instead of to you—he SUCKS tonight!" which was not true, but it was funny.
My heart exploded at one point when they were covering "Fooled Around and Fell in Love" and Dustin literally walked off the stage, still playing his bass, with the cord trailing behind, and came over to where I was sitting and kissed me. That has to be one of the most romantic things that anyone has ever done for me.
We stayed at a different hotel each night, and both had private courtyards with brick walls around so that we could be naked outside, which was enchanting. He taught me how to dive in the pool at the second hotel—something I'd always been afraid to do. He used to be a lifeguard, it turns out, and gave good tips.
Last night I'd originally planned to come home, but Rider was having Viv over and so I offered to just crash Dustin's after his Sunday gig. I should not have stayed out so late, but I did it anyway. It was fun, and it was nice to get the extra time.
Rider did end up having sex with Viv for the first time, and he thanked me for making the space for it. He also relaxed about my eventually having Dustin over and in our bed—once he'd done it himself, he said he saw it was no big deal. So that's going really well, I guess. It seems that everything is.
There's only one possible snag, which is that Dustin still seems really confused by the whole poly thing. I lent him Sex at Dawn and the Ethical Slut and he's promised to read them. We shall see. He can't wrap his head around why—if we feel so strongly about each other—either of us would want to be with anyone else. He kept saying it took him 40 years to find me, with his life halfway over, and that he's never met anyone like me, and he doesn't think it's possible for him to feel this way about anyone but me.
He said, "All the things that other women always wanted from me, I never wanted to give them. But I would give you anything. If I could afford it, you'd never have to work another day in your life. And anytime you decide you wanna live for free, you could come live with me." I reminded him that I have a husband and four pets, so that's not really an option, lol.
So we'll see. Even after everything, after how well he and Rider got along, after all of our talks, etc., he may end up being too mono-minded for things to work out. He did tell me that if he tries to walk away, I shouldn't let him. "I'm an idiot sometimes, a knucklehead. If I try to throw this away, the best thing I've ever felt, you have to remind me and fight with me till I change my mind again. Promise me, pinky swear. Be willing to fight for me." And so I pinky swore. And I meant it—I will remind him, and I will fight for him. And I'm trying not to be scared about both of our hearts getting broken.
Relatedly, there's also the issue of his friends. Even though he's said that they all like me, and they can tell he's happy, they all think he's insane for dating a married woman. He said every single one of them gives him shit about it all the time, and it's a constant battle. Luckily, he is very much his own person, but I'm sure it gets exhausting. I'm hopeful that maybe they just get used to it after a while—that if they really see he's happy, they'll just learn how to be happy for him.
But, yeah. Life is good. Dustin is completely amazing. I've never met anyone like him before either. The entire world turns to magic when he's around, like he's some kind of crazy wizard that can just make things happen for us.
Rider is great too. He ran a bunch of crazy errands for me this afternoon because he was working from home and I desperately needed some stuff done. Then he picked me up from work and made me tacos. I'm probably going to bed on the early side tonight. It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed with him for the first time in a few days.
Spork
Active member
Aye, it's ye olde Monogamy Hangover lol. "I feel these big amazing things, and it's like I gotta DO SOMETHING about it or I'll go nuts!"
I really hope he comes to comprehend that just because you feel just as high on him, as he feels on you, doesn't mean that you feel lesser things for Rider. That the freedom to write your own script is really what this is about, and it is part of YOU...the woman he loves...that she also loves her husband. That you're not fading out on Rider just because you're so in love with Dustin and that isn't gonna happen. But there is plenty of room for both in your life and your heart. That people just don't HAVE to choose one mate, that is social conditioning, and breaking free of it is a radical form of individual expression. It's cool like that. All that jolly good poly-mojo. I hope he can really absorb it sooner or later, and relax, enjoy what he has, instead of worrying about what he doesn't.
I really hope he comes to comprehend that just because you feel just as high on him, as he feels on you, doesn't mean that you feel lesser things for Rider. That the freedom to write your own script is really what this is about, and it is part of YOU...the woman he loves...that she also loves her husband. That you're not fading out on Rider just because you're so in love with Dustin and that isn't gonna happen. But there is plenty of room for both in your life and your heart. That people just don't HAVE to choose one mate, that is social conditioning, and breaking free of it is a radical form of individual expression. It's cool like that. All that jolly good poly-mojo. I hope he can really absorb it sooner or later, and relax, enjoy what he has, instead of worrying about what he doesn't.
Reverie
Active member
Well, that was an interesting sensation. I went on the Facebooks and a couple people had posted pictures and video of the show that Dustin played last night. The band had actually had to go back to the same town that we were in Friday night, to this cool art gallery space that Dustin had tried to show me Saturday morning but it had been closed, so we'd just walked around the grounds. The gig was a birthday party for the artist whose gallery it was.
Seeing pics and video of Dustin on stage there, with people partying and dancing all around—I felt like I was supposed to be there. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and like it was some kind of crazy past-FOMO, missing out on something that had already happened. Like if I couldn't reach back into that moment and actually touch him between songs, I would have a mild heart attack.
I was not expecting whatever that was at all. It's starting to subside a bit, but whoa. I remember feeling something a little like that when Rider would go up and visit Kelly, but that was all tangled up with jealousy, and this is just . . . something else. I guess it's just an intense missing-someone sensation. Which is silly given that I'd spent the previous three nights with him. And it is the nature of our life circumstances that we must spend most nights apart.
Ugh, stupid NRE, lol. Making the moments apart seem like torture, when they are really just regular life.
Seeing pics and video of Dustin on stage there, with people partying and dancing all around—I felt like I was supposed to be there. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and like it was some kind of crazy past-FOMO, missing out on something that had already happened. Like if I couldn't reach back into that moment and actually touch him between songs, I would have a mild heart attack.
I was not expecting whatever that was at all. It's starting to subside a bit, but whoa. I remember feeling something a little like that when Rider would go up and visit Kelly, but that was all tangled up with jealousy, and this is just . . . something else. I guess it's just an intense missing-someone sensation. Which is silly given that I'd spent the previous three nights with him. And it is the nature of our life circumstances that we must spend most nights apart.
Ugh, stupid NRE, lol. Making the moments apart seem like torture, when they are really just regular life.