The first polyamorous relationship I am in

L

Lilith_Gray

New member
I dated the one guy for a while, not a few months. I'm polyamorous. I asked if it would be alright with him if I dated another person. He said yes, so I asked the girl out (non-binary and bi).

It was nice, still just a few days of it. But I have begun to feel weird. I have begun to overthink for the entire few days, causing me to SH [self harm] and I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that someone who knows can help. I really don't know what to do and I can't tell my partners because I'm scared it'll ruin things.

If anyone has any advice of what I should do, please reply. I won't be here on a lot, only once a week unless I get a notification that someone replied. Really, I'd appreciate it.
 
If you do not feel safe enough to tell your partners, do you feel safe enough to seek out a poly-friendly therapist? The most important thing is you right now and talk in a safe space.

Here is a link: https://www.polyfriendly.org/

I am so very sorry you're going through this, Lilith Gray.
 
You could stop dating the second person until you sort your head out. You said it's only been a few days so it's not like you're enmeshed with them yet. You don't have to turn everything you have a date with into a life partner.
 
Hello Lilith_Gray,

You say you are feeling weird, can you go into more detail about this feeling? What are the thoughts that go with it? Is it a guilty feeling? It could be your monogamous programming that is causing it, that is a pretty common cause.

Please do not SH, that won't help things any and may make things worse. Instead explore the weird feeling, it may even help to sit down and identify where in your body this feeling resides. I hope this forum can help make it go away.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hello Lilith,
Do I understand it right, that the sheer intensity of a new situation has caused you these levels of anxiety? Or is it some specifics of the situation?
Is it your first time in a poly situation? It can be quite intense, but it should not be bringing you levels of distress this high. As Evie writes, you do have the option to stop. Hopefully you can also find a person you can to talk to.

Do you have any professional help available for self-harming? I am afraid that is beyond forum expertise.
 
Dear Lilith,

While this is a horrible situation, I am not sure if internet folks can help. As suggested above, poly-friendly therapist would be a great choice!

I really hope that whatever you're going through, you will find a way to resolve it. Take care of yourself, and if you ever feel like just venting, you can always message me.

All the love
Bee x
 
Hi guys,
Uhm, I don't really need help anymore. Both partners left me a while ago, so I don't know if I still need to be here on or not, but might be helpful for the future.
 
Hi Lilith_Gray,

Thanks for updating us on your situation. You are certainly welcome to keep reading and posting here, I for one would be glad to help however I can. Sorry both partners left you, that is certainly sad news. I hope you get some healing from that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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