The one who kills the mood LOL

elliekay83

New member
Yeah, looks like I will not be the one who shares spicey sex stories, and dramatic but hot throuples experiences...

People! I want to share such things, but sadly most of my sexual activity is online, sexting, even trying sexting 3D games. Boring, eh? Not boring when you are into it and your flaws are left at the door - it's freeing you. I was more alive in a 3D world, banged on the club's floor, than ever. No physical body to hate, no fear, no insecurities... Just men who wanted to have you, beyond any stereotypes. And that was ages ago. When I returned the cameras and voice chats had ruined it! The space was filled with paranoid men, or more insecure boys, who were scared about their manhood.

That was my spicy polyamory virtual trip! DP, effed everywhere! Amazing for an empath who can feel it even when it's not real... Because the emotion was real! Because all of my insecurities and the flaws for which people dismiss me were gone... I had a circle of men, to have virtual fun and to feel like a queen, without being demanding or cruel.

I miss that! I realized that I might have AvPD next to a few other anxiety disorders. I am dying to have a descent poly relationship, not as sexual as in the 3D world, but when things get serious I just panic. Even when I am open I panic and run away... I have been through a lot, and that made me a total mood killer, who is so ready in her fantasies and chats, but so afraid in reality. I want that, but it looks like I never find anyone who will love to spend time with me, walking and talking, not just effing me.

Pathetic!
 
Ehhh, men are like busses. You can wait at the bus stop for what seems like forever and then three will come along at once. Hang in there.
 
I know (some of) the struggle of wanting to be sexually open but not being able to live it. Hope you find your way.
 
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