The Ram, the Lamb, and Me

A

AnnikaAtlas

New member
I've been on this forum before, but never made an introduction post! Everything is different now, anyway, so here's my story.

My ex and I were always interested in being poly, though the whole process was a bit of a train wreck. We wanted a triad, but he wasn't honest with me or the people he pursued, and he wasn't interested in our additional partner being fulfilled or fulfilling me, so eventually he just dated other people alone. I got pregnant (on purpose and everything) and he continued to date other people, until his selfishness ultimately imploded our relationship after five years of bullshit.

I work as a nanny, which hasn't been consistent or lucrative work, so I asked some friends of mine-- a couple-- if I could move into their spare room while I try to get my life together (a steady job, child care, a place to live permanently). They had just started dating a girl, a third in their triad. She didn't seem like a good fit with them, but I didn't have anything against her personally. I just kept thinking she was wasting her opportunity to be with this great couple. That exploded right before I physically moved in, which no one was particularly surprised about. Our mutual friends were pretty judgemental about the whole thing-- polyamory is NOT their thing, and they're pretty elitist and cliquey in general.

Then the wife (very subtly) approached me about dating them, knowing I was into the poly lifestyle and knowing we were good friends, and I took the leap! We're only a couple of weeks into officially dating, but so far it's wonderful. The husband, the Ram, is the best guy I've ever met, and the wife, the Lamb, is vivacious and fun. They adore my son and have known him since he was born, and I'm really looking forward to being a family. It's a lot all at once, but we're all committed to working through this massive transition for everyone.

Now we just have to tell our friends. Gulp.
 
Welcome! I'm pretty new to poly, so can't really offer any advice. I read your other thread, and I salute you for wanting to keep things civil with your ex. Stick around, there's lots of good experience and advice around here!
 
Hi AnnikaAtlas - Welcome back to the Forum! Best of luck on your new poly journey - we will look forward to hearing how things progress. Al
 
It is a massive change. Dating, and living with (!) 2 people at once, who just happen to be your landlord and landlady, who just dumped a unicorn, whom you have replaced, and you need work, a home, and childcare for your infant, and you are newly single and divorcing, or at least separated, from your child's father.

To be very honest, you are vulnerable right now. All new mothers are vulnerable and need care. You are more vulnerable because you are a single mom, and because you are fucking 2 members of a married couple. You've chosen to have sex with your landlords. What happens if one or the other or both of them lose interest in you sexually or emotionally, bad feelings ensue, jealousies, etc., and they suddenly want you to move out? Or just make life really difficult for you emotionally while you are trying to job hunt?

I know you're in NRE, and both partners seem like the greatest thing since sliced bread. They were platonic friends before, now they are your lovers. However, the sex changes everything. But for the sake of your child, I suggest looking ahead and anticipating problems... I hope you find a good enough job, and childcare, and get your own place asap, so you can be free and independent and not depending on them. Seems rather risky.

Good luck in any case!
 
Greetings AnnikaAtlas,
Welcome back. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I looked at your other new thread on coming out, and responded there briefly. Basically, just pace yourself, don't put too much on your plate. You have a great new relationship and that is exciting! I'm sure you are eager to tell people, just don't take on more than you can tend to at once.

I'm happy for you, you have a lot of love and joy in your life right now. Keep posting on how things are going!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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