UniverseFan
New member
Hi everyone -
I honestly can't believe how my life has changed in the past 17 days.
I am happily married - ridiculously happy - to the love of my life. We've been together for 17 years, married for 9. I love her more every day.
17 days ago, my wife came out to me as poly. We have had discussions in the past about the ideas of an open marriage, and I've been aware of a close connection she has maintained with her oldest friend (who was a former boyfriend/lover) - and that connection never diminished. I knew the main idea of pursuing an open marriage a few years ago was to restart a physical relationship with him. She strongly considered it at the time, but did not go through with it. The topic fell into the background for the next couple of years. She had the option, but I didn't know if she had or would pursue it. My wife is also an avid music fan and spends much of the summer attending concerts and festivals up and down the coast.
Well, 17 days ago, my wife informed me that last summer, she had sex with her former boyfriend. She was very comfortable with having done so, and it helped her to the realization that she was indeed polyamorous and capable of living that lifestyle. She told me she had been exploring relationships through social media, had made a few connections, had met a few this summer, and was still happily pursuing them.
Now - when the topic was first discussed a few years ago - I went through the difficult emotional response - the jealousy, the anxiety and insecurity. When she didn't pursue it at the time, the feelings faded, but didn't disappear. 17 days ago - the feelings became overwhelming. I worked my way through the next two weeks, an hour at a time. She was wonderful and helped me every way she could. I had moments where I could see the logic in it, but most of the time my emotions were paralyzing.
Let me say - that before I knew about her pursuit of this - I had already noticed her happiness - her euphoria - over the summer. She had never been happier - and in turn I was happier as a result. But - I still needed to find a way to be comfortable. I realized she was making a trip early next year during which she would be spending days with another man in a tropical paradise. I was terrified about how I'd survive that week.
She fully explained to me - what she was looking for was someone to connect with, whose company she'd enjoy online, as well as in person. And, if there was a mutual attraction, she wanted to act on it. She did not want to fall in love. She did not want romance. She did not want another husband or to replace me in any way. She was lacking nothing in out relationship. I heard all of this, and believed every word, but yet my emotions still had control.
I considered whether I wanted to pursue poly, but didn't think I could decide in my current state, and didn't want to do it for the wrong reasons. But, a few days ago, one of the men she was interacting with was having issues, as his wife was having second thoughts about pursuing this as a couple, and had insecurity about how interested he was in my wife. My wife was extremely upset at the potential loss, as they had developed a close connection over a long while. So, I actually offered to talk to his wife to see if I could help (even though still struggling myself).
It was so wonderful to talk to someone who completely understood every issue I was facing. We talked, and talked, and gradually - I realized how much I liked her and.....
Suddenly everything shifted into focus. I could see how beautiful the entire concept was. This woman was no threat to my marriage and I had no fear of her ever being one. But I got such enjoyment out of connecting with her! As bd I could suddenly see it all - that my wife was having such a wonderful time, connecting and enjoying, yet I had NOTHING to fear! She loved me more than ever, and was getting to live her life in amazing, fantastical ways. I was SO happy for her, and do proud of her courage for being honest - knowing how difficult it might be for me.
And - I realized - I wanted that enjoyment. Just the brief interaction I have had has been so fulfilling and wonderful. I'm now hoping to meet other women, gradually develop a connection and take that wherever it leads. I'm in no hurry - and not looking for a quick score. I don't want to fall in love - but that area in between - connection, excitement, just the wonderful interaction - is so exhilarating to think about.
Briefly about me - I'm 40, work as a paralegal in Central Virginia. I'm an avid runner - mainly running ultramarathons - which takes far too much of my time. I love sports, politics (even friendly debates), cooking, animals, and crying at movies (or commercials). More than anything, I love my wife - who has shown me the universe and made me a huge fan.
Hoping to talk to many of you!
Cheers!
I honestly can't believe how my life has changed in the past 17 days.
I am happily married - ridiculously happy - to the love of my life. We've been together for 17 years, married for 9. I love her more every day.
17 days ago, my wife came out to me as poly. We have had discussions in the past about the ideas of an open marriage, and I've been aware of a close connection she has maintained with her oldest friend (who was a former boyfriend/lover) - and that connection never diminished. I knew the main idea of pursuing an open marriage a few years ago was to restart a physical relationship with him. She strongly considered it at the time, but did not go through with it. The topic fell into the background for the next couple of years. She had the option, but I didn't know if she had or would pursue it. My wife is also an avid music fan and spends much of the summer attending concerts and festivals up and down the coast.
Well, 17 days ago, my wife informed me that last summer, she had sex with her former boyfriend. She was very comfortable with having done so, and it helped her to the realization that she was indeed polyamorous and capable of living that lifestyle. She told me she had been exploring relationships through social media, had made a few connections, had met a few this summer, and was still happily pursuing them.
Now - when the topic was first discussed a few years ago - I went through the difficult emotional response - the jealousy, the anxiety and insecurity. When she didn't pursue it at the time, the feelings faded, but didn't disappear. 17 days ago - the feelings became overwhelming. I worked my way through the next two weeks, an hour at a time. She was wonderful and helped me every way she could. I had moments where I could see the logic in it, but most of the time my emotions were paralyzing.
Let me say - that before I knew about her pursuit of this - I had already noticed her happiness - her euphoria - over the summer. She had never been happier - and in turn I was happier as a result. But - I still needed to find a way to be comfortable. I realized she was making a trip early next year during which she would be spending days with another man in a tropical paradise. I was terrified about how I'd survive that week.
She fully explained to me - what she was looking for was someone to connect with, whose company she'd enjoy online, as well as in person. And, if there was a mutual attraction, she wanted to act on it. She did not want to fall in love. She did not want romance. She did not want another husband or to replace me in any way. She was lacking nothing in out relationship. I heard all of this, and believed every word, but yet my emotions still had control.
I considered whether I wanted to pursue poly, but didn't think I could decide in my current state, and didn't want to do it for the wrong reasons. But, a few days ago, one of the men she was interacting with was having issues, as his wife was having second thoughts about pursuing this as a couple, and had insecurity about how interested he was in my wife. My wife was extremely upset at the potential loss, as they had developed a close connection over a long while. So, I actually offered to talk to his wife to see if I could help (even though still struggling myself).
It was so wonderful to talk to someone who completely understood every issue I was facing. We talked, and talked, and gradually - I realized how much I liked her and.....
Suddenly everything shifted into focus. I could see how beautiful the entire concept was. This woman was no threat to my marriage and I had no fear of her ever being one. But I got such enjoyment out of connecting with her! As bd I could suddenly see it all - that my wife was having such a wonderful time, connecting and enjoying, yet I had NOTHING to fear! She loved me more than ever, and was getting to live her life in amazing, fantastical ways. I was SO happy for her, and do proud of her courage for being honest - knowing how difficult it might be for me.
And - I realized - I wanted that enjoyment. Just the brief interaction I have had has been so fulfilling and wonderful. I'm now hoping to meet other women, gradually develop a connection and take that wherever it leads. I'm in no hurry - and not looking for a quick score. I don't want to fall in love - but that area in between - connection, excitement, just the wonderful interaction - is so exhilarating to think about.
Briefly about me - I'm 40, work as a paralegal in Central Virginia. I'm an avid runner - mainly running ultramarathons - which takes far too much of my time. I love sports, politics (even friendly debates), cooking, animals, and crying at movies (or commercials). More than anything, I love my wife - who has shown me the universe and made me a huge fan.
Hoping to talk to many of you!
Cheers!
