I’ve decided that in my view of ethics, there is no poly exception to treating someone well.
In my eyes, limiting contact with someone or telling your partner they must make sure you know first every time you textl someone is as much controlling behavior in a poly relationship where you know they may be having sex, as a mono one, where it is only an abstract fear.
(It is, however, completely fine for the partner to show consideration and tell enough information that no one gets blindsided, assuming that there are no privacy concerns)
It is as assholey to break a date based on a partner’s fears and anxiety as it would be to your own (non-clinical) fears and anxieties(I do understand that anxiety disorders change the playing field, and get that cancelling due to mental health issues is a different ballgame.)
It’s as wrong to not create space to check in the next day with a partner who you have unintentionally injured (say, a kink scene go wrong) if you are visiting a second partner as it would if you were working. There is always time for a quick text.
Prioritizing or spending time with one partner should never be an excuse for being a jerk to a second partner.
People raise two or more kids and manage to not be a jerk to one to care for another. It’s not any different with two adults you date. You may need to ask one to wait; you may need to explain your priorities; you may need to reassure that you are creating a culturenof caring, and they would receive the same when it was their turn- but it’s surely possible to not only be poly sexual or polyamorpus but poly considerate.
Discuss.
In my eyes, limiting contact with someone or telling your partner they must make sure you know first every time you textl someone is as much controlling behavior in a poly relationship where you know they may be having sex, as a mono one, where it is only an abstract fear.
(It is, however, completely fine for the partner to show consideration and tell enough information that no one gets blindsided, assuming that there are no privacy concerns)
It is as assholey to break a date based on a partner’s fears and anxiety as it would be to your own (non-clinical) fears and anxieties(I do understand that anxiety disorders change the playing field, and get that cancelling due to mental health issues is a different ballgame.)
It’s as wrong to not create space to check in the next day with a partner who you have unintentionally injured (say, a kink scene go wrong) if you are visiting a second partner as it would if you were working. There is always time for a quick text.
Prioritizing or spending time with one partner should never be an excuse for being a jerk to a second partner.
People raise two or more kids and manage to not be a jerk to one to care for another. It’s not any different with two adults you date. You may need to ask one to wait; you may need to explain your priorities; you may need to reassure that you are creating a culturenof caring, and they would receive the same when it was their turn- but it’s surely possible to not only be poly sexual or polyamorpus but poly considerate.
Discuss.