SchrodingersCat
Active member
Just came across this concept...
"Nothing is wrong with your sex drive"
Basically the idea is that there is "spontaneous sexual desire" and "responsive sexual desire." Spontaneous sexual desire is what most people associate with "sex drive." But there's also this "responsive sexual desire" in which you typically feel desire only after arousal, e.g. someone starts kissing your erogenous zones and you get turned on, and only then do you desire sex.
It was a light bulb moment for me. I almost never have the spontaneous urge to have sex, which I have always described as having a low sex drive. When I felt desire at all, it was almost always because someone else was coming onto me, and I was responding to it. It explains why my husband and I almost never have sex, even though we both have a blast every time. I brought it up with my husband, and he decided he's pretty much the same... that whenever I do initiate it, he's into it, but he never feels the urge to initiate it himself.
I'd always been labelling this as asexuality, but on further inspection, I think it's something different. Depending on the definition you use, asexuality is no sexual desire, at all, even if someone is coming onto you. I'd always been at odds with this, because I do experience desire, but not spontaneously, and certainly not towards random hotties on the street. I experience it primarily when someone makes an effort to turn me on.
"Nothing is wrong with your sex drive"
Basically the idea is that there is "spontaneous sexual desire" and "responsive sexual desire." Spontaneous sexual desire is what most people associate with "sex drive." But there's also this "responsive sexual desire" in which you typically feel desire only after arousal, e.g. someone starts kissing your erogenous zones and you get turned on, and only then do you desire sex.
It was a light bulb moment for me. I almost never have the spontaneous urge to have sex, which I have always described as having a low sex drive. When I felt desire at all, it was almost always because someone else was coming onto me, and I was responding to it. It explains why my husband and I almost never have sex, even though we both have a blast every time. I brought it up with my husband, and he decided he's pretty much the same... that whenever I do initiate it, he's into it, but he never feels the urge to initiate it himself.
I'd always been labelling this as asexuality, but on further inspection, I think it's something different. Depending on the definition you use, asexuality is no sexual desire, at all, even if someone is coming onto you. I'd always been at odds with this, because I do experience desire, but not spontaneously, and certainly not towards random hotties on the street. I experience it primarily when someone makes an effort to turn me on.
