Dear All,
I just wanted to share my experience with you. If someone has had a similar experience, it would be great to hear about it. But even if not, it is still great to have found this space to share thoughts with people who will understand and sympathize. I have never met or talked to any polyamorous folks before joining this forum.
Share my experience, I said? I meant my lack of experience...
I met my girlfriend 3 and a half years ago. We love each other and the relationship has many good things (confidence, etc,). Still, there is always something ´missing.' After reflecting on it, I have found signs, almost evidence, that polyamory is what I need to find harmony in my affective and sexual life.
There is something in the background. Before starting this serious relationship with me, my girlfriend had quite an active sexual/affective life. So to say, she enjoyed her ´single life´ years properly. I myself didn´t. I had only had one previous relationship, but it was very serious. Long story short, I have a lack of ´single life experiences´ behind me.
A doctor I met (for different reasons) said this lack of experience probably accounts for my current ´unpreparedness,' my interest in other people, and my anxiety about commitment in a more serious relationship with my girlfriend (moving in together, getting married, etc.).
There is this girl, a common friend of ours. She has been increasingly on my mind over the last weeks or months. The feeling is very similar to what I felt for my girlfriend when we started dating, 3 and a half years ago.
To make things worse (or better, who knows?), my girlfriend accidentally came to know about this necessity of mine. She´s not angry, but has suggested me trying new things to 'reactivate' the relationship-- covering my lack of previous experiences with new activities and ´exercise´ within the couple.
And then, not long ago, I was incidentally reading something about polyamory when the feeling popped up: what if what we are calling a 'lack of single life experiences at the right time of my life' is simply a sign that I am poly?
As a mental exercise, I imagined being in a poly relationship with my girlfriend and other people... and all the impressions were nice. Of course, I can´t be sure before I try, but that´s probably the problem.
My girlfriend is most probably (95%) monoamorous, and will be shocked when I tell her about polyamory. She is very flexible in many things, but as you know, polyamory is still a taboo in society.
What I want to suggest to my girlfriend is that we remain a couple, continue doing the same things, more in together, eventually get married, etc., but both can meet other people, not only for sex, but with the affection part too. And we can tell each other about our experiences any time.
There is a real risk that she will dump me when I tell her about this.
Anyway, since I find no alternative, I am now preparing to talk to her.
Maybe I should start by passing her some readings about polyamory (the concept of polyamory, overcoming jealousy, primary and secondary relationship degrees, etc.). There may be some chance that she at least agrees to approach the matter with a flexible mind, since she has recently been concerned with, and reading books about topics such as non-possessive love, overcoming jealousy, preserving each one´s individuality within the relationship, etc.
I don´t really want to end the relationship, since we do have lots of things in common and love each other. But I probably should assume the possibility that she'll dump me when I suggest I meet other people. I don´t want to cheat on her, or leave my needs unattended.
If you have had a similar experience, it would be great to know.
Thanks a lot for reading, and best regards,
SL
P.S. I can´t help feeling envious after reading some posts on this forum! It sounds like many of you have already had very interesting poly experiences.
I just wanted to share my experience with you. If someone has had a similar experience, it would be great to hear about it. But even if not, it is still great to have found this space to share thoughts with people who will understand and sympathize. I have never met or talked to any polyamorous folks before joining this forum.
Share my experience, I said? I meant my lack of experience...
I met my girlfriend 3 and a half years ago. We love each other and the relationship has many good things (confidence, etc,). Still, there is always something ´missing.' After reflecting on it, I have found signs, almost evidence, that polyamory is what I need to find harmony in my affective and sexual life.There is something in the background. Before starting this serious relationship with me, my girlfriend had quite an active sexual/affective life. So to say, she enjoyed her ´single life´ years properly. I myself didn´t. I had only had one previous relationship, but it was very serious. Long story short, I have a lack of ´single life experiences´ behind me.
A doctor I met (for different reasons) said this lack of experience probably accounts for my current ´unpreparedness,' my interest in other people, and my anxiety about commitment in a more serious relationship with my girlfriend (moving in together, getting married, etc.).
There is this girl, a common friend of ours. She has been increasingly on my mind over the last weeks or months. The feeling is very similar to what I felt for my girlfriend when we started dating, 3 and a half years ago.
To make things worse (or better, who knows?), my girlfriend accidentally came to know about this necessity of mine. She´s not angry, but has suggested me trying new things to 'reactivate' the relationship-- covering my lack of previous experiences with new activities and ´exercise´ within the couple.
And then, not long ago, I was incidentally reading something about polyamory when the feeling popped up: what if what we are calling a 'lack of single life experiences at the right time of my life' is simply a sign that I am poly?
As a mental exercise, I imagined being in a poly relationship with my girlfriend and other people... and all the impressions were nice. Of course, I can´t be sure before I try, but that´s probably the problem.
My girlfriend is most probably (95%) monoamorous, and will be shocked when I tell her about polyamory. She is very flexible in many things, but as you know, polyamory is still a taboo in society.
What I want to suggest to my girlfriend is that we remain a couple, continue doing the same things, more in together, eventually get married, etc., but both can meet other people, not only for sex, but with the affection part too. And we can tell each other about our experiences any time.
There is a real risk that she will dump me when I tell her about this.
Anyway, since I find no alternative, I am now preparing to talk to her.
Maybe I should start by passing her some readings about polyamory (the concept of polyamory, overcoming jealousy, primary and secondary relationship degrees, etc.). There may be some chance that she at least agrees to approach the matter with a flexible mind, since she has recently been concerned with, and reading books about topics such as non-possessive love, overcoming jealousy, preserving each one´s individuality within the relationship, etc.
I don´t really want to end the relationship, since we do have lots of things in common and love each other. But I probably should assume the possibility that she'll dump me when I suggest I meet other people. I don´t want to cheat on her, or leave my needs unattended.
If you have had a similar experience, it would be great to know.
Thanks a lot for reading, and best regards,
SL
P.S. I can´t help feeling envious after reading some posts on this forum! It sounds like many of you have already had very interesting poly experiences.
