CowleyRoad
New member
Well, it was three monos and one poly, but now it's more like one poly, her husband, and two extremely poly-curious people (aka Sky and me)! Maybe I should petition a moderator for a thread title change.
Three monos (?) and one poly, heading into the unknown. (Triad or quad?)
- Thread starter CowleyRoad
- Start date
I think anyone can change the thread title if they started it. But that is not necessary. Do you want the title changed?
GroundedSpirit
New member
Hey Cowley, just a comment or three here, in case it's helpful.
1. Discovery of poly (potential) from swinging is VERY common, and also the root of many horror stories, because people found themselves there before they had done their homework. That's about where you seem to be. I suggest taking a time out from sex (not a disconnect), all doing some studying, and having some interesting but deep conversations. Try to envision what the arrangement could possibly look like once it matures beyond the NRE phase.
2. You probably know, but the difference between swinging and polyamory, for most people, is founded on a difference between sexual activity and emotional connection. Many swingers intentionally ban (or try, with mixed results) emotional entanglements, because they are just afraid to open that can of worms. Some that end up opening it anyway (often unavoidably) discover it is really only gummy worms-- quite palatable after all!
Others find venomous snakes and die from it. You all need to decide if you are up for the challenge of opening the can.
Oops, interruption, gotta run. You get the idea.
1. Discovery of poly (potential) from swinging is VERY common, and also the root of many horror stories, because people found themselves there before they had done their homework. That's about where you seem to be. I suggest taking a time out from sex (not a disconnect), all doing some studying, and having some interesting but deep conversations. Try to envision what the arrangement could possibly look like once it matures beyond the NRE phase.
2. You probably know, but the difference between swinging and polyamory, for most people, is founded on a difference between sexual activity and emotional connection. Many swingers intentionally ban (or try, with mixed results) emotional entanglements, because they are just afraid to open that can of worms. Some that end up opening it anyway (often unavoidably) discover it is really only gummy worms-- quite palatable after all!
Others find venomous snakes and die from it. You all need to decide if you are up for the challenge of opening the can.Oops, interruption, gotta run. You get the idea.
CowleyRoad
New member
Yes please, YGirl. Thank you. Simply change "three monos and a poly" to "a poly-curious couple, a mono and a poly."
Thanks again, ever so much. Sorry to be abrupt (at least for me) lately. Posting from a phone, often while Brook sends deeply naughty and affectionate texts. I'll just be over here in this corner. Wow.
CowleyRoad
New member
So yesterday was fun for a while. Brook had a little suggestion-- "Sky said I could tease you at work. Mind if I send you a few texts during the day?" Oh, why not. A series of playful, affectionate, and deeply naughty texts reached my phone. Made it all rather difficult to concentrate on the job, I have to say. And the conclusion was... rather intimate. Think slashing of boundaries, of exclusivity. I think it's a fantasy Brook and Sky and I had, but maybe it was a little too fast.
Brook and I talked last night with Sky sitting next to me. I noticed Sky getting more and more nervous as I talked. Brook had to leave and immediately Sky opened up. She said she wasn't sure if she could continue with things. There were so many concerns and worries she had. She admitted a huge jealousy of me and Brook I told her again, "Tell me if you need this to stop, and I will, because our love is non-negotiable and I do not want to lose you." She said she couldn't because she didn't want to let me down. Many tears were shed by both of us. I am frightened of losing her every day for many reasons (not the least of which is because I know that her orientation points elsewhere, for the most part) and I feared again last night.
After a frustrating morning (don't ask), Sky and I couldn't communicate until this afternoon. She said she had been "processing things" and needed to talk. She had been reading many things (including this board) and read a lot of stories. This is all very new for her. She said she felt she now understood where her jealousy was coming from, and that although it was going to be hard, she wanted to work through things. And just then Brook started texting both of us, and the three of us have been texting madly since, all about where we want this to go, what the boundaries are, and what all four of us, including Hunter, need and want.
So, tomorrow night we are meeting for a non-sexual get together. I am looking forward to this more than any other get-together. All right, I am lying a little, but the need to clear the air between the four of us is extremely, extremely welcome right now. I don't know what any of the conclusions are going to be. But I do know that all four of us are going to get a fair, respectful hearing. And that's what we need, badly.
This all started with four people wanting to throw clothes and inhibitions to the floor, and it's progressed to four people trying to figure out where they're going in life. Are we ships in the night? Will we walk together for a while? Or will we set things on fire? I don't know. I have no right to call this "polyamory" (and Hunter specifically does not want to use that word), but it's something more than swinging now.
Brook and I talked last night with Sky sitting next to me. I noticed Sky getting more and more nervous as I talked. Brook had to leave and immediately Sky opened up. She said she wasn't sure if she could continue with things. There were so many concerns and worries she had. She admitted a huge jealousy of me and Brook I told her again, "Tell me if you need this to stop, and I will, because our love is non-negotiable and I do not want to lose you." She said she couldn't because she didn't want to let me down. Many tears were shed by both of us. I am frightened of losing her every day for many reasons (not the least of which is because I know that her orientation points elsewhere, for the most part) and I feared again last night.
After a frustrating morning (don't ask), Sky and I couldn't communicate until this afternoon. She said she had been "processing things" and needed to talk. She had been reading many things (including this board) and read a lot of stories. This is all very new for her. She said she felt she now understood where her jealousy was coming from, and that although it was going to be hard, she wanted to work through things. And just then Brook started texting both of us, and the three of us have been texting madly since, all about where we want this to go, what the boundaries are, and what all four of us, including Hunter, need and want.
So, tomorrow night we are meeting for a non-sexual get together. I am looking forward to this more than any other get-together. All right, I am lying a little, but the need to clear the air between the four of us is extremely, extremely welcome right now. I don't know what any of the conclusions are going to be. But I do know that all four of us are going to get a fair, respectful hearing. And that's what we need, badly.
This all started with four people wanting to throw clothes and inhibitions to the floor, and it's progressed to four people trying to figure out where they're going in life. Are we ships in the night? Will we walk together for a while? Or will we set things on fire? I don't know. I have no right to call this "polyamory" (and Hunter specifically does not want to use that word), but it's something more than swinging now.
GroundedSpirit
New member
Hey Cowley. It's okay. Take a deep breath.
Things are proceeding pretty much predictably.Jealousy is the expected norm in our culture. That's okay. But now is the time to really understand what jealousy truly is, because it's a terribly negative and destructive emotion/reaction. There is a ton of writing here on the forum and other sites you will find links to. Do a little search for "jealousy."
Not going to repeat something that's been discussed ad infinitum, but jealousy is a fear-based emotion. Get down and root out the true source of what everyone is really afraid of. More times than not, when you do this, you find paper tigers.
One other suggestion I might offer, for what it's worth-- as intense as this all is, don't over-dramatize it. Just work with it. Things will fall into place somewhere as it all progresses. It may be that you'll all discover that polyamory is not as big and scary a monster as it seems right now. Or you may discover that as nice as it sounds, you and Sky will fall back in a monoamorous existence, but with a lot more real insight into what makes you each tick.
As is said many other times for other reasons-- it's not the destination, but the journey that holds the biggest rewards.
Chill, smile, enjoy the journey.CowleyRoad
New member
The end of the beginning
So, last night, Sky and I went to visit Brook and Hunter at their home. We both were bundles of nerves and energy. Brook's idea was that this would be a non-sexual night. No play, just talk and fun. As usual, B and Sky and I had texted back and forth during the day. Our nervousness was palpable.
We got to their home. Brook had been worried all day about how their home might look to us. It is beautiful! And it's filled with cats, which Sky adores. They showed us around, and then the four of us talked about trivial things while we sat around a fire in the backyard. I was being good and keeping my hands off of Brook, as was Sky. Eventually, the conversation turned to the four of us, to our future. Hunter looked nervous, and wanted us to go inside.
When we went inside, to our surprise, both of them started opening up. It wasn't very surprising to hear Brook talk about her fears and desires, but it was to hear Hunter start talking. Later on, Brook said that "This is the first time he has been able to talk about these things with someone other than me." Then Sky and I started opening up, as well, and the night stretched long into the morning. Clothes stayed resolutely on, but minds and emotions were laid bare!
At some point, Brook sat next to me and our arms reached around each other. We chatted and laughed for a while, then Brook shyly suggested that, "You might like to see some of my books." "Of course," I said. We walked into another room and Brook started talking about literary pursuits. Then our eyes met, and we threw our arms around each other and kissed passionately. I asked Brook how she felt about me. She smiled. "More than a crush." Care to elaborate? "Not yet." We kissed some more.
We rejoined my wife and Hunter. Soon afterwards, Brook and Sky also "went to look at some books." Hunter told me, "I know what they're doing!" But at the same time, he said it was okay. He knew Brook was falling for us. He admitted that it was scary but said he was fine with it.
Brook enjoined me to look at books a second time, later on.
We all talked until early this morning. We'd intended to go home, but it got so late, Hunter invited us to crash at their place. We did, sleeping on their sofa. They were so friendly, kind, caring and generous, it was almost overwhelming.
We only slept a few hours. Early this morning, Brook came back from swimming (!) and the three of us chatted. Brooksaid that "everything had gone so much better than she had expected." Hunter was still nervous about our relationship, and wanted to take things very slowly, but the fact that he was so open to us was a major step forward, to her. It was a wonderful chat, the three of us holding hands and cuddling as we talked.
Later Brook took a shower, leaving the door open as she did, and playfully called my name. I looked in to see her naked and dripping with water. It was an act of supreme strength to not tear off my clothes and join her! But later she called me in again after she had dried off. This time I did join her, but just to kiss her again and press against her naked body. "More than a crush," she whispered again to me.
The four of us went to breakfast, my treat. Hunter then had to go to work, but he suggested that maybe Brook, Sky and I could return home to talk. Well, did we ever. We sat on the sofa, Brook between Sky and me, and chatted, all the while tugging at each others' clothes and kissing and running hands over bodies while reminding ourselves to keep it "non-sexual." Everything but, though!
Sky agreed that the sexual tension between Brook and me was feverish and life-affirming and just plain fun to watch, but Brook let her know (and not just with words) that she felt just as drawn sexually and emotionally to her. We were three powder kegs primed to explode, but somehow we kept ourselves in check.
It was almost time for Sky and me to go. The three of us went to the kitchen, and Brook and I looked at each other with undisguised lust.
"Maybe... I need to see if we left something upstairs," Sky said. When she got up there, Brook threw herself at me, literally crashing into me as she kissed me as passionately as I'd ever been kissed. I could not stop myself from running my hand under her skirt and... well.
Sky returned and said, "I can't find anything upstairs... maybe you can!" with a wink. I forced myself to go upstairs for a while, and sneaked back down to watch them kissing as passionately as we had earlier. The three of us then embraced and traded kisses. Brook whispered "More than a crush" again, and I whispered it back. Sky wanted to know what that might mean. Brook blushed visibly, then told us. But I can't tell you yet.
It was very hard to leave.
So now, Sky and I are here, almost drunk on NRE and wanting to see them again. Now. As in, "30 minutes from now isn't soon enough." As in, "We will not be functional until we hear from them again."
And so, that was the end of the beginning. A new day is dawning for us all. Thank you for reading so far...
So, last night, Sky and I went to visit Brook and Hunter at their home. We both were bundles of nerves and energy. Brook's idea was that this would be a non-sexual night. No play, just talk and fun. As usual, B and Sky and I had texted back and forth during the day. Our nervousness was palpable.
We got to their home. Brook had been worried all day about how their home might look to us. It is beautiful! And it's filled with cats, which Sky adores. They showed us around, and then the four of us talked about trivial things while we sat around a fire in the backyard. I was being good and keeping my hands off of Brook, as was Sky. Eventually, the conversation turned to the four of us, to our future. Hunter looked nervous, and wanted us to go inside.
When we went inside, to our surprise, both of them started opening up. It wasn't very surprising to hear Brook talk about her fears and desires, but it was to hear Hunter start talking. Later on, Brook said that "This is the first time he has been able to talk about these things with someone other than me." Then Sky and I started opening up, as well, and the night stretched long into the morning. Clothes stayed resolutely on, but minds and emotions were laid bare!
At some point, Brook sat next to me and our arms reached around each other. We chatted and laughed for a while, then Brook shyly suggested that, "You might like to see some of my books." "Of course," I said. We walked into another room and Brook started talking about literary pursuits. Then our eyes met, and we threw our arms around each other and kissed passionately. I asked Brook how she felt about me. She smiled. "More than a crush." Care to elaborate? "Not yet." We kissed some more.
We rejoined my wife and Hunter. Soon afterwards, Brook and Sky also "went to look at some books." Hunter told me, "I know what they're doing!" But at the same time, he said it was okay. He knew Brook was falling for us. He admitted that it was scary but said he was fine with it.
Brook enjoined me to look at books a second time, later on.
We all talked until early this morning. We'd intended to go home, but it got so late, Hunter invited us to crash at their place. We did, sleeping on their sofa. They were so friendly, kind, caring and generous, it was almost overwhelming.
We only slept a few hours. Early this morning, Brook came back from swimming (!) and the three of us chatted. Brooksaid that "everything had gone so much better than she had expected." Hunter was still nervous about our relationship, and wanted to take things very slowly, but the fact that he was so open to us was a major step forward, to her. It was a wonderful chat, the three of us holding hands and cuddling as we talked.
Later Brook took a shower, leaving the door open as she did, and playfully called my name. I looked in to see her naked and dripping with water. It was an act of supreme strength to not tear off my clothes and join her! But later she called me in again after she had dried off. This time I did join her, but just to kiss her again and press against her naked body. "More than a crush," she whispered again to me.
The four of us went to breakfast, my treat. Hunter then had to go to work, but he suggested that maybe Brook, Sky and I could return home to talk. Well, did we ever. We sat on the sofa, Brook between Sky and me, and chatted, all the while tugging at each others' clothes and kissing and running hands over bodies while reminding ourselves to keep it "non-sexual." Everything but, though!
Sky agreed that the sexual tension between Brook and me was feverish and life-affirming and just plain fun to watch, but Brook let her know (and not just with words) that she felt just as drawn sexually and emotionally to her. We were three powder kegs primed to explode, but somehow we kept ourselves in check.
It was almost time for Sky and me to go. The three of us went to the kitchen, and Brook and I looked at each other with undisguised lust.
"Maybe... I need to see if we left something upstairs," Sky said. When she got up there, Brook threw herself at me, literally crashing into me as she kissed me as passionately as I'd ever been kissed. I could not stop myself from running my hand under her skirt and... well.
Sky returned and said, "I can't find anything upstairs... maybe you can!" with a wink. I forced myself to go upstairs for a while, and sneaked back down to watch them kissing as passionately as we had earlier. The three of us then embraced and traded kisses. Brook whispered "More than a crush" again, and I whispered it back. Sky wanted to know what that might mean. Brook blushed visibly, then told us. But I can't tell you yet.
It was very hard to leave.
So now, Sky and I are here, almost drunk on NRE and wanting to see them again. Now. As in, "30 minutes from now isn't soon enough." As in, "We will not be functional until we hear from them again."
And so, that was the end of the beginning. A new day is dawning for us all. Thank you for reading so far...
CowleyRoad
New member
Well, it's complicated. (Could it be anything else?)
Last night, the four of us met again, and Brook paid a lot of attention, read into that what you will, to Sky and me. After some time, Brook and I found ourselves in a long clutch, snuggling and whispering to each other. I worried that "Don't you think Hunter is going to feel left out?" and B said, "No, somehow I don't think so..." and I looked up to see Sky naked on his lap kissing him. Brook said, "He never lets anyone sit on his lap." Turns out he'd asked her to.
But does that mean Hunter is okay with everything? No, and neither am I really, nor is anyone else, other than maybe Brook. You see, Brook has fallen for me. REALLY FALLEN. She's using the "L-word" constantly.
She asked to see me at her workplace today, obviously without Sky or Hunter. I was able to tell her, "No, I don't think that's a good idea yet."
That's going too fast. I think Hunter is a little nervous about the pace of everything, and Sky is starting to be leery. She knows that Brook is in love with me, and she's okay with that, if I am too. "I can't help how you feel," she said, and she's spoken very favorably about the bond between us. But she worries that the two of us might be spiraling a bit out of control.
I can't say I disagree.
Brook just sent me a text saying, "I can't believe I met you. You are more than I ever could have dreamed of. Your affection is changing my life," etc.
That NRE is a nasty drug, folks. I want to slow her down without pushing her away.
I do think Sky and Hunter will be okay with things, but especially as the relationships between Sky and Brook, and Sky and Hunter are developing at a slower pace. Although Brook did use the "L-word" several times to Sky, as well.
So...sigh. I can't count how many times Sky and I have said, "Well, now things will calm down. We've sorted things out." But Brook just keeps getting more and more wound up. Of course, she has that power on other people too, so it's not easy to keep things under a lid.
Last night, the four of us met again, and Brook paid a lot of attention, read into that what you will, to Sky and me. After some time, Brook and I found ourselves in a long clutch, snuggling and whispering to each other. I worried that "Don't you think Hunter is going to feel left out?" and B said, "No, somehow I don't think so..." and I looked up to see Sky naked on his lap kissing him. Brook said, "He never lets anyone sit on his lap." Turns out he'd asked her to.
But does that mean Hunter is okay with everything? No, and neither am I really, nor is anyone else, other than maybe Brook. You see, Brook has fallen for me. REALLY FALLEN. She's using the "L-word" constantly.
She asked to see me at her workplace today, obviously without Sky or Hunter. I was able to tell her, "No, I don't think that's a good idea yet."
That's going too fast. I think Hunter is a little nervous about the pace of everything, and Sky is starting to be leery. She knows that Brook is in love with me, and she's okay with that, if I am too. "I can't help how you feel," she said, and she's spoken very favorably about the bond between us. But she worries that the two of us might be spiraling a bit out of control.
I can't say I disagree.
Brook just sent me a text saying, "I can't believe I met you. You are more than I ever could have dreamed of. Your affection is changing my life," etc.
That NRE is a nasty drug, folks. I want to slow her down without pushing her away.
I do think Sky and Hunter will be okay with things, but especially as the relationships between Sky and Brook, and Sky and Hunter are developing at a slower pace. Although Brook did use the "L-word" several times to Sky, as well.
So...sigh. I can't count how many times Sky and I have said, "Well, now things will calm down. We've sorted things out." But Brook just keeps getting more and more wound up. Of course, she has that power on other people too, so it's not easy to keep things under a lid.