Tips related to vacations

K

katja24

New member
Hi all! I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. My primary partner and I are going on a three week vacation in a week. It will be the longest my gf and I have been apart. We see each other almost every day and while I know I'm going to be so sad and miss her terribly, I'm cognizant that she's the one being left and may need more from me. Any tips on sweet things to do pre, during, and post vacation to soothe the challenge of it all? I'm sure we'll text and talk most days and are planning some fun things for when I'm back.
 
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I dunno, maybe it's me being selfish... but if I was away on vacation, I'd want to be concentrating on the partner I'm with. I like to disconnect from the "real world" on vacations.

I might send my other partner a quick text or email depending on how much connectivity I had, but I wouldn't do much otherwise. I'd discuss it in advance, though.

Definitely lots of quality time before and after, though!
 
Hi katja,

You might want to ask your girlfriend what kinds of things are special to her, then do those things. Would she like to have dinner with you at a fancy restaurant? share a bottle of sweet wine? These are things you could do before and after the trip. Also, while you are on the trip, you could arrange for a florist to deliver some flowers to your girlfriend. In addition to texting and talking to her most days. I don't know, I am kind of just guessing here. Which is why I say, have a talk with her about what kinds of things she especially likes.

Hopefully the posts in this thread have helped so far.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
When the boys were on a 3 week road trip I appreciated getting a goodnight phone call each evening, telling me where they were and what their plan was for the next day's drive.

If we are only gone for a week there is usually not much contact, maybe a goodnight text if there is cell service, and an estimated arrival time when we are heading home. Then some reconnection time when we get back.

But none of us are big phone call/ testers - we usually catch up when we are home.
 
When I was in a poly relationship with a married man, we had a good agreement that while away with the other partner we would check in via text once a day. It felt good for me, as the GF, to know that he was capable of remaining focused on his wife and kid because it meant that while with me he was focused on me. Sure, he thought of me, but there was no need for me to extract "more" as you put it, just because he was away. That your GF would need "more" from you is kinda coming at this from an assumption that separation equals insecurity. Instead of assuming that she is fragile and "less" because you're away, why not see her as capable and whole, no matter what? I think it's most beneficial when the partners presume confidence and maturity in each other. This way, the relationship unfolds in an atmosphere of stability and interdependence instead of struggle and need. You have a lot of influence over how things develop here. This is a great opportunity to shine more light on each other's capabilities instead of playing to each other's insecurities.
 
Thanks for responding! She and I have definitely talked about what each of us may want and need while apart, and I appreciate the reminder to treat her and our relationship as strong and not fragile, and the reminder to stay present with J and our trip. I guess I'm also just looking for ideas/suggestions for cute surprises of things I can do ahead of time- like leaving a box of small love notes for her, or getting her a gift card to her coffee place. I appreciate the support!
 
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