To be so young

[Kraven]

This is just a simple and open question. Any answer or thought is a good one. As I read this essay on polyamory posted on freaksexual.com I began to think, with the problems we already face as a community in terms of like-minded and available possible partners, how does being so young (25) effect MY numbers? I mean, just being poly makes it harder to find a date, but then to be young, yet mature! I've always felt a little ahead of the pack, so to speak. As I start this thread, all my immediate friends are out being mono, and though they have issues too, at least they have options! lol

How does this age thing effect me? How bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women. In fact, I've relished the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too, using it as an excuse to be promiscuous? I don't want to be associated with those types!

 

[GroundedSpirit]

As I read this essay on polyamory posted on freaksexual.com. How does this age thing effect me? How bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women. In fact, I've relished the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too? I don't want to be associated with those types!

Hi Kraven,

Too bad you didn't post a link to the article you referenced. It might have helped the discussion.

As far as the age thing goes, it's hard to say. I think in general there are advantages and disadvantages. I think younger people, by way of the fact that they are still investigating the world around them, are often in a better place to adopt new and better choices. They also often have more energy and bravery.

However, from living longer comes wisdom (hopefully) and experience. This plays into it, because, many times, "ideals" fall short of solid connections to the reality of what "is" at a particular point in time. More experience helps when we find we have to adapt in order to move things forward. Knowing the side effects of some of those adaptations in advance helps avoid some nasty pitfalls.

Not sure where you are, but in the U.S. right now there seems to be a bit of a shift in the 35-under group back to conservatism. I think it's driven by all the uncertainty that's present in the world at this time, and when people are fearful they, by nature, grasp out at things that are known and predictable, even if not necessarily positive. It's unfortunate, because that can bring stagnation, even regression!

I do see an openness and willingness, though, for older age groups to embrace younger people who appear to have the right qualities, but lack only the experience. You will likely fare better in that direction. Anything is possible, but, like you say, just a bit more difficult. We have a few younger people here on the forum, it seems, which is very encouraging.

Your reference to any group who "wants to have their cake and eat it too" is likely shooting in a sexual direction, and there's no doubt in my mind that for them that's all it's about. Polyamory seems like a quick fix, but it isn't. Polyamory, although offering many benefits, is FAR more work in the long run, and for those unwilling to do that work, it is disastrous for all involved. Being a veteran of other social movements and seeing this dynamic in action, I can absolutely not raise this warning loud enough!

Know what's involved, do the work, or DON'T GO THERE.

Good luck.

 

[Ariakas]

How does this age thing effect me? How bad do I really have it? I've never made a fuss about dating older women, in fact I've relished in the thought at times! How many friends do YOU know that are in this lifestyle for the right reasons and aren't just trying to have their cake and eat it too, using it as an excuse to be promiscuous? I don't want to be associated with those types!

I think it partially depends on location. I live in an area (British Columbia, Canada) which is very young and tends to be open to anything. My only challenge is that is I am "old" in a town of 20-somethings. haha Washington state seems to be on par with BC, as well (if OKCupid's profiles are anything to go by).

 

[Ravenesque]

I love freaksexual.com.

You seem to be talking about finding others who hold similar values as you do. This spans age. Go places and do activities that put you in contact with like-minded folk. That might be a church, a BDSM munch, a political activist event, a food co-op, a bar, a volunteer cause. And the possibilities go on and on. You know what matches you.

You will find individuals who are older than you whose experience does not necessarily lend wisdom. It's sort of the question of would you ask Elizabeth Taylor for marriage advice. Perhaps the answer is yes just so you'd know what NOT to do.

You may also find younger individuals who seem to have more maturity than what society generally credits us with. I tend to think many young people act the way they do because that is what is expected of them and they do not have the fortitude to live otherwise.

Experience alone means nothing. It is the learning and application to life of values learned which matter. And as they say, everyone learns at different speeds. Some are slow. Some are fast. You'll see ditziness in 50-year olds and purpose and presence in 21 year olds. Age alone doesn't give an automatic wisdom value. You're 45 and so you get 100 wisdom points. Nope. Doesn't work that way.

If you want to date others who share your values on sexual behavior, you'll need to brainstorm a little where you might find those types of people. And of course being upfront about what you want in a relationship doesn't hurt. Be specific. Tell them what promiscuity means to you and what cheating means to you. Tell them the relationship model you want. That may head off many misunderstandings. Active communication = good.

~Raven~

I think it partially depends on location. I live in an area (BC) which is very young and tend to be open to anything. My only challenge is that is I am old in a town of 20-somethings. WA seems to be on par with BC.

That does pose a problem. Isolation. The solution for some is to start their own poly groups which connect like-minded polys or polys who have something in common. This could be age, spirituality, a particular cause or a value system, a hobby, etc. But it takes time and effort to embark on something like this and not everyone can do it.

~Raven~

 

[redsirenn]

It is sooo funny how things sync up at times! I was just having this conversation with Ouroboros... how I wished that there were poly meetups for younger people that I would feel more at home in. It seems like I am still one of the younger ones on this forum, although I am in my late twenties.

It is true that in some cases the age gap does not matter, and can even be a benefit! But I would REALLY LOVE to meet young, intelligent, mature people interested in alternative relationship forms that I could talk with IN PERSON. Ahh... that would be fantastic.

Maybe we should do a forum search just to see who might fit the description.

 

[CielDuMatin]

resirenn, I think that's what the TNG-style groups (the social group here, plus the various external groups set up for that purpose) are set up for, if you want to focus on physically younger physically poly people.

Tend to agree with the idea that you can meet all sorts of maturity levels, independent of age. Getting older sometimes doesn't automatically imply getting any the wiser! I tend to put amount of practical experience over physical age when looking for "how to" information, but as Raven gives in her example, you need to not take everything that someone says as automatic good advice just cos they've done a lot of it.

Reminds me of the quote "Giving up smoking is easy - I've done it hundreds of times!"