Married to husband 23 yrs.. we unexpectedly became involved in a triad with my bff 3 yrs ago .. we weren’t Looking to open the marriage but things developed that way.. he and I both developed feelings for my bff after about 10 yrs of friendship..my issue tonight is- he went to have an alone date with bff which I am okay with.. the problem is that he said he would text me to join them at some point in the night to hangout.. he said that was bffs idea. Issue is I waited all night and nobody texted me to join them....now he says he never said that and I was just supposed to come over.. I am pissed and hurt .. I know what he said I am not wrong and I am mad..
Tonight is messed up
- Thread starter Peggy1972
- Start date
I'm sorry that you struggle with mad feelings. I will be charitable and say perhaps he misremembered. Rather than dwell on whether he forgot or mispoke or whatever...
What prevented you from texting first? Like "Hey... thought I was going to get a text to come over. That still on or did plans change?"
So you could get the problem solved yourself and move it forward one way or the other?
Rather than be left hanging?
Galagirl
What prevented you from texting first? Like "Hey... thought I was going to get a text to come over. That still on or did plans change?"
So you could get the problem solved yourself and move it forward one way or the other?
Rather than be left hanging?
Galagirl
Hello Peggy1972,
I'm sorry that your husband did not text you like he said he would. That was a very hurtful thing for him to do, even if he didn't do it on purpose. And then for him to say he never said that, that just pours salt in the wound, that is like gaslighting. Like GalaGirl I will be charitable and assume he is just not remembering the way things actually happened. But even if that's true, it still hurts you a lot.
In the future when your husband tells you that, you will know that you can't depend on it. So the thing to do is wait awhile, then text BFF, don't wait (any longer) for your husband to text you. You already gave him a chance to follow through on what he promised.
Hopefully you'll gradually start to feel better, and can just chalk this all up to a misunderstanding. It happens, sometimes people forget. Hopefully that's what happened this time, you've been married 23 years so you probably have a pretty good idea of whether your husband would forget, and how he would act if he did forget. If he did all this on purpose, that is a different story.
Hang in there. And keep us posted if you're willing.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I'm sorry that your husband did not text you like he said he would. That was a very hurtful thing for him to do, even if he didn't do it on purpose. And then for him to say he never said that, that just pours salt in the wound, that is like gaslighting. Like GalaGirl I will be charitable and assume he is just not remembering the way things actually happened. But even if that's true, it still hurts you a lot.
In the future when your husband tells you that, you will know that you can't depend on it. So the thing to do is wait awhile, then text BFF, don't wait (any longer) for your husband to text you. You already gave him a chance to follow through on what he promised.
Hopefully you'll gradually start to feel better, and can just chalk this all up to a misunderstanding. It happens, sometimes people forget. Hopefully that's what happened this time, you've been married 23 years so you probably have a pretty good idea of whether your husband would forget, and how he would act if he did forget. If he did all this on purpose, that is a different story.
Hang in there. And keep us posted if you're willing.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Well, sometimes people forget and make mistakes. I'm sorry you were all ready for a fun night, and felt left out and forgotten. Unless this is a pattern of neglectful behavior, I'd try and let it go. And be more assertive in future if and when someone forgets a promise they made.
I understand how jealousy can rear its head. When my partner and I first started poly, she broke a couple agreements, if only in spirit, if only by accident, and it tied me in knots of jealousy. Once she understood how it was important to stand by her word (she never did it out of malice, she'd just get caught up in the moment, or for other reasons), we did much better.
Again, unless it's a pattern of your husband making arrangements with you, and then "forgetting," or being insensitive to your needs and feelings, try and forgive and forget for the greater good of your triad.