Trans female looking for advice.

LauryAnne, are you able to ASSOCIATE with men ok? This is in no way meant as a judgment, but having intense anxiety about roughly half of the population would be debilitating. What you've written so far seems to indicate you feel fear surrounding the presence of men; I'm just hoping for you that superficial interactions are bearable.
 
Others have interpreted my comments and questions correctly. I am not a judgmental person. Everyone has the right to live and love the way they want. I hear you saying you only want to date lesbians because, if they are poly, they are not likely to be dating a man, and so would not ever have one of their male partners pass through your doorway.

As someone else said, you could date a bi or pan woman who had a male partner as long as she knew he couldn't spend time at your house. On the other hand, I know some lesbians only date lesbians because they can't even stomach the idea that a penis has recently (or even ever) been in their partner's vagina. I, of course, can not relate personally to this. I am sure they have their reasons, and find the idea disgusting or frightening or otherwise unpleasant. It's not my business!

If you were dating, say, a gold star lesbian, who was open-minded enough to date a pre-op transwoman (you), would it frighten you if she came by with her dad or brother or a platonic male friend? Do you hang out with platonic male friends of your own at all? Or do you just avoid all men as much as humanly possible?

I honestly wish you the best with your inpatient program because I am sure it must be exhausting to have one's guard up to that degree around men all the time. Of course, as women, we are all in a position of being vulnerable to rape or other sexual abuse on a daily basis. (Men can be raped too, of course, but it's rarer.) So, to a degree, we women all have to be careful. As they say, the first thing a man is worried about going on a date from a dating site is, Will she be fat? But women think: Will he kill me?

I can assure you, I have been around enough transpeople to know that there ARE cis-female lesbians out there who WOULD date a pre-op transwoman.
 
Magdlyn said:
I know some lesbians only date lesbians because they can't even stomach the idea that a penis has recently (or even ever) been in their partner's vagina. I, of course, can not relate personally to this. I am sure they have their reasons, and find the idea disgusting or frightening or otherwise unpleasant. It's not my business!
Click to expand...
This is a common discussion on both the Poly and the (female) Bisexual boards (lesbians won't date us because we interact with penises voluntarily (at times - and many of us have interacted with penises involuntarily at times - rape is, unfortunately, such a common occurance that MANY of us (including me, as I have discussed before) cis-or-trans, male-or-female-or-other have had to deal with in terms of immediate effects AND the aftermath - in my opinion, the reported incidence is WAY under-reported - most people don't want the trauma of rehashing the incidence(s).) .

In my experience, trans and pan people tend to vilify us (bisexuals) because we are "transphobic" - but if a lesbain trans-women is allowed to exclude "women with penises" from their dating pool, then why am I not allowed to exclude "women with penises" and "men with vaginas" (My attraction to women and my attraction to men are, actually, diametrically opposed - androgyny is a "turn-off" for me. I am attracted to "manly men" and "girly girls" with natural parts that match, and that they are happy with (comfort in your body is a "turn on" for me).

I feel that I shouldn't have to justify my "sexual attraction" to people. YES, that IS discriminatory - I should be "allowed" to discriminate between who I date and have sex with and who I don't!!! I shouldn't need to "justify" my decision just because I ID as bisexual!

JaneQ

(PS. I should probably go to bed before I write a manifesto...)
 
Last edited:
No one has the right to allow or not allow you to be attracted to whoever whatever. You don't need anyone's permission to feel whatever you feel.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top