Openbook23
Active member
I don't plan to regularly post in this thread, but it's a good holder for exploring times when I do things with partners while being unable to post about them on social media, etc. While my wife and I don't hide that we are poly, we also don't really talk about it openly. Mostly, she doesn't want her family to know because she just doesn't want to have to talk about it. However, our friends in town know; so we do have lots of support and people we can share things with as needed. However, my girlfriend is less open for a variety of reasons. To be fair, it's harder for women to be openly poly for so many reasons (as most around here know). If nothing else, the (wrong) association of poly with promiscuous means women who are openly poly get hit on constantly.
Anyway, the result is that I can't share some things online, even though I want to share. In this case, a trip to Chicago with my girlfriend of 4 months. In future, I'll use this thread to discuss other adventures and how they went.
Quick background. My wife and I have been open for 5 years, but this is my first girlfriend. She's had a few partners, one of which rose to the level of love, but ended. We are in a good place and feel very little jealousy/envy in poly; mostly just compersion. My girlfriend entered ENM in an unusual way. After a divorce, she started dating a guy. They opened up just three months into their relationship (which started mono, and neither have experience with anything else) because both didn't want to be trapped after divorce. They thought it would be a fun way to meet other people and have experiences. Neither aimed at poly, closer to swinging, though she always knew she needed at least SOME emotion involved. I think he does too, but he's not poly (even now). She met me, and we clicked FAST. Within a month, we were fully in love, which threw her partner. She has no desire to break up with him for me (nor do I want her to do that!). So, she's fully poly now, and he's catching up a bit.
This past Sunday through Tuesday, my gf and I went to Chicago, our first trip together! Also, easily the longest time period together (we did spend the night together once, but it was just an evening date, and I had to leave early the next morning. So there were some risks...would we get along for that long? How would our partners feel?
So far, everything has been ideal. The trip was amazing. I love Chicago. She has never been as an adult, and even as a child didn't do the kinds of things we did (art institute is one of my favorite museums and I love the vibe of Chicago so much). We had a great room, fantastic meals, etc. I even surprised her by taking her to a yarn shop (she's a knitter). The look on her face was priceless! We never got tired of each other or even grumpy. Just perfect. I won't discuss the sexual aspects, but we found new connections there, too.
The biggest worry was how her partner would react to it all. There's been some general tensions, and a lot of buildup to this trip. So far, though, he seems like he's doing OK. I'm hopeful this is a turning point. She goes out with me, but she comes BACK to him, and with peace balance and love. He'll eventually see it, I think. I know why he's afraid. My gf and I have a LOT in common. In many ways, I'm her ideal match. At the same time, neither of us want to be each other's primary partners. I'm married; she sees her other partner as her main boyfriend. There are some hierarchy issues on her side I don't particularly like, but they are mostly to protect her partner's insecurities, which DO seem to be improving.
It ended up being a bonding experience for everyone. I feel closer to her than ever before (and she feels the same). Our other partners seem fine. The trip was one I'll remember forever. Just a great time all around!
(comments welcome)
Anyway, the result is that I can't share some things online, even though I want to share. In this case, a trip to Chicago with my girlfriend of 4 months. In future, I'll use this thread to discuss other adventures and how they went.
Quick background. My wife and I have been open for 5 years, but this is my first girlfriend. She's had a few partners, one of which rose to the level of love, but ended. We are in a good place and feel very little jealousy/envy in poly; mostly just compersion. My girlfriend entered ENM in an unusual way. After a divorce, she started dating a guy. They opened up just three months into their relationship (which started mono, and neither have experience with anything else) because both didn't want to be trapped after divorce. They thought it would be a fun way to meet other people and have experiences. Neither aimed at poly, closer to swinging, though she always knew she needed at least SOME emotion involved. I think he does too, but he's not poly (even now). She met me, and we clicked FAST. Within a month, we were fully in love, which threw her partner. She has no desire to break up with him for me (nor do I want her to do that!). So, she's fully poly now, and he's catching up a bit.
This past Sunday through Tuesday, my gf and I went to Chicago, our first trip together! Also, easily the longest time period together (we did spend the night together once, but it was just an evening date, and I had to leave early the next morning. So there were some risks...would we get along for that long? How would our partners feel?
So far, everything has been ideal. The trip was amazing. I love Chicago. She has never been as an adult, and even as a child didn't do the kinds of things we did (art institute is one of my favorite museums and I love the vibe of Chicago so much). We had a great room, fantastic meals, etc. I even surprised her by taking her to a yarn shop (she's a knitter). The look on her face was priceless! We never got tired of each other or even grumpy. Just perfect. I won't discuss the sexual aspects, but we found new connections there, too.
The biggest worry was how her partner would react to it all. There's been some general tensions, and a lot of buildup to this trip. So far, though, he seems like he's doing OK. I'm hopeful this is a turning point. She goes out with me, but she comes BACK to him, and with peace balance and love. He'll eventually see it, I think. I know why he's afraid. My gf and I have a LOT in common. In many ways, I'm her ideal match. At the same time, neither of us want to be each other's primary partners. I'm married; she sees her other partner as her main boyfriend. There are some hierarchy issues on her side I don't particularly like, but they are mostly to protect her partner's insecurities, which DO seem to be improving.
It ended up being a bonding experience for everyone. I feel closer to her than ever before (and she feels the same). Our other partners seem fine. The trip was one I'll remember forever. Just a great time all around!
(comments welcome)
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