Triad or threesome?

D

DeeTee

New member
Hello, I'm looking for people in a similar situation to us, or who have experience of a similar situation, just to get some perspective, really. My wife and I have been married six years, and very close the whole time.

Nearly two months ago, we were talking in bed, and we got onto the subject of a threesome some guys almost persuaded her to have at a party years before we met. After we stopped laughing (nobody tells a story like she does), she said she wished she had gone through with it.

"Ah well," she said, "Too late now."

"Welll..." I said.

And that was it.

Various ups and downs, and lots of talk later, and our first threesome is on its way, only by now it has transformed somewhat. She started talking to a guy she knew online, made the suggestion, and as it happened, the idea seemed perfect for his current circumstances, if it was to be a semi-regular thing. The thing is, we wanted to get ourselves in shape for it, so we have delayed him coming up. He is 400 miles away. In the meantime, we've had time to think and discuss the whole thing between us (all three of us) and we've got to know each other a bit, and he has now acquired the official title of boyfriend, which we're both happy about, as we were neither of us ever really one night stand people.

I hadn't heard of polyamory before all this happened. It's nice to see there are other people out there making it up as they go along, though I haven't found much about MFM triads as yet. Not that that's necessarily where we are going, but it's nice to get a feel for the waters ahead, even if they're dimly glimpsed as yet.

Anyone with any stories or practical stuff would be very much appreciated. Cheers, everybody!
 
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My wife have been married six years, and very close the whole time. Nearly two months ago we were talking in bed, and we got onto the subject of a threesome some guys almost persuaded her to have at a party years before we met. After we stopped laughing (Nobody tells a story like she does) she said she wished she had gone through with it. "Ah well," she said, "Too late now."
"Welll..." I said.
And that was it.
Various ups and downs and lots of talk later and our first threesome is on it's way, only by now it has transformed somewhat. She started talking to a guy she knew online, made the suggestion, and as it happened the idea seemed perfect for his current circumstances, if it was to be a semi regular thing. The thing is, we wanted to get ourselves in shape for it, so we have delayed him coming up, as he is 400 miles away, and in the meantime we've had time to think and discuss the whole thing between us (All three of us) and we've got to know each other a bit, and he has now acquired the official title of boyfriend, which we're both happy about, as we were neither of us ever really one night stand people. Hadnt heard of polyamory before all this happened, but its nice to see there are other people out there making it up as they go along, though I havent found much about MFM triads as yet. Not that that's necessarily where we are going, but it's nice to get a feel for the waters ahead, even if they're dimly glimpsed as yet. Anyone with any stories or practical stuff would be very much appreciated. Cheers, everybody!
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Okay, I'm happy for you. But you do realize that a "threesome" and a "triad" are two different things? The first is "just sex," the second is "a relationship."

Are you bisexual, or interested in becoming involved that way with another man? You don't say so one way or another in your post.
 
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Hi and welcome,

http://www.polyamorouspeople.com/2010/09/trying-for-a-triad.html

http://www.polyamorouspeople.com/2010/08/and-then-there-were-three.html

We did pretty much the same thing, although we know my partner is polyamorous. The whole deal started and finished in three weeks.

You should read the second link first. It deals with making it happen. "Trying for a Triad" is about the breakup and the pitfalls.

You're lucky that your guy lives a long way away, because there is hopefully less likelihood of the parties falling in love. Just be careful. We hurt a very nice lady quite badly.
 
Oh dear, not at all the response I was looking for. Too persnickety. I hereby withdraw my post. Best wishes, all!
 
DeeTee said:
Oh dear, not at all the response I was looking for. Too persnickety. I hereby withdraw my post. Best wishes, all!
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Oh, that's too bad. Its a little alarming to me when people leave without saying why. It sounds like you were looking for a particular answer. I wonder what that was. Why put yourself out there, if you already have the answer? Perhaps some insight on polyamory was not what was looked for here, but what were you looking for? I know several places, online and otherwise, where the term poly is used more for the swinging side or open side of things, rather than the emotional bonds that can form from several relationships. Perhaps that was the misunderstanding here?

Just to comment on your original post, maybe you are looking for a "vee." I had a sexual relationship between three. We started our journey with a sexual threesome. It became very apparent during the second encounter in that two of us were falling for each other and the third was left out. It was fun once. It was kind of fun the second time. By the third time, the emotional dynamics kicked in, and it became apparent that we were on our way to something deeper, and a crossroads occurred. It ended because poly was not what the guy signed up for. He wasn't looking for love and found it by mistake. It was very hard and sad to say goodbye.

Now I have two men in my life as primary partners and we are all in it for similar reasons. So it's good to check your goals ahead of time. In the throes of something: anticipation, excitement, and lust, it's hard to do that, but if it's possible to talk about these things before they come up, then perhaps you will be spared some hardship. Talking about what the intent is, what boundaries there are, talking to him about it all too, can really help. Staying honest and respectful is helpful in this.

Good luck, if in fact you are even getting your email notifications anymore. If not, then perhaps this will benefit someone else reading. Which reminds me-- reading on here really puts things into perspective. Of course, being in NRE over it all isn't all that conducive to being interested in learning, at least in my experience. :rolleyes:
 
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