MidoriDesu
New member
Okay, so I have been with my GF for 9 months. She has been married to her husband for a year and a half. They have always had an open relationship. He works a lot and has a very low sex drive and she has a very high sex drive. Anyway, so she has had lovers (all male) on the side. Simply sex. Sometimes dates, but mostly just sex. She would see them 2-4 times a month. Well, she met me, we hit it off, her husband and I get along well, and we decided not to have anyone else in our arrangement. (i'm her first RELATIONSHIP outside the marriage, it was just sex with the others before) This arrangement was fine, but now things are different. So, she has only had sex with him twice since we have been together. Our sex life is very fulfilling. (I'm female bodied) Actually, she has recently asked if we could be sexually monogamous. (she is not sexually attracted to her husband anymore and does not want to have sex with him, this makes him sad). So it's been a good relationship so far.
So, now the issue. She's married. She's never had a relationship outside of her marriage, only sex. So, she is very much in love with me and expresses it often. So, she wants the "same things I have with my husband" with me. The only issue is, she's already married, She lives with him, his family is constantly hovering (and LDS), her family would be disapproving, among other things. She already has a life built with him and is trying to incorporate me, but not really. We don't share anything. Money, phone plans, etc. It's all with him. When we talk about anything it's like, "oh yeah me and him have that" it's like, "okay, what do you want to do with me?". I don't want to be added to his phone plan. I want something that is ours.
This brings up the issue of our relationships being separate. She spends most of her free time with me. (He works graves and sleeps all day) Well her husband met a girl at work and was hanging out with her and texting her. (he has never talked to anyone else during their relationship, this is the first time he branched out) They hung out but she didn't know that he liked this new girl. Well, he ended up kissing her. My GF was very upset. They have an agreement that they talk before anything happens with anyone. And he gave this excuse of "Well, you're never here and you don't want to have sex with me" So, he blamed her for his inability to simply talk to her. That's literally all he had to do is talk to her. Technically he cheated on her.
Long story short (this is a lie it's still long haha). She has been spending more time with him and trying to mend their relationship. She is putting all the effort in though. He still is being an asshole about it. This is irritating on many levels. Not only that he is being a jerk, but that she is spending her time with him now. So, the whole time she is with me she is texting him and snapping every person she has ever met (i'm exaggerating...kind of). She has always been attached to her phone. It's never been an issue until recently, however this wasn't the thing that started my issue with the phone. (more on that later) So, i've talked about completely separating the two relationships. My mom has recently died and I don't have any family or holiday traditions anymore. It's hard hearing about all the family stuff she does. I didn't want to go to his family's thanksgiving, so I stayed home alone and just watched movies. I don't want to constantly hear about everything they get to do that I can't do. Am I jealous? I don't know. If I am going to continue this, I have to feel like i'm a part of something and not just a third wheel. I have tried to change the way I view this relationship and am trying to come to terms with not being able to have any of those things. I just don't know if I can do it for very much longer.
The last thing is her phone. She is attached at the hip to that damn thing. She always has been and it was never an issue. Until her husband befriended this guy from his work. Then the friend and her became friends. They were constantly texting and snapchatting each other. She has never ignored me or "not heard me" before while shes been on her phone. Except when she started talking to him. We have had many conversations about this guy for months. Well, he just moved in to her house as their roommate. It's been a process. He cat calls her and harasses her constantly. It's bad. She has stopped texting him and snapping him but, she still is attached to that phone. We have had so many conversations about it and I just gave up. So, I just kind of sit around while she's on her phone and talk when she isn't on it, which isn't very often.
I don't feel like I am getting much out of this relationship. I want to date other people because I feel left out but, she isn't okay with me dating anyone else right now. She says she feels our relationship "isn't on solid ground" right now...
So, here are my quetions....
1-How do I become okay with her phone use?
2-How do I navigate separating her two relationships? (is that even a good idea?)
3-How do I talk to her about not being fulfilled and possibly seeking a companion?
4-How can I become more okay with the issue with not having a future with her?
Wow, this is probably a lot. The back story will help. I promise!
So, now the issue. She's married. She's never had a relationship outside of her marriage, only sex. So, she is very much in love with me and expresses it often. So, she wants the "same things I have with my husband" with me. The only issue is, she's already married, She lives with him, his family is constantly hovering (and LDS), her family would be disapproving, among other things. She already has a life built with him and is trying to incorporate me, but not really. We don't share anything. Money, phone plans, etc. It's all with him. When we talk about anything it's like, "oh yeah me and him have that" it's like, "okay, what do you want to do with me?". I don't want to be added to his phone plan. I want something that is ours.
This brings up the issue of our relationships being separate. She spends most of her free time with me. (He works graves and sleeps all day) Well her husband met a girl at work and was hanging out with her and texting her. (he has never talked to anyone else during their relationship, this is the first time he branched out) They hung out but she didn't know that he liked this new girl. Well, he ended up kissing her. My GF was very upset. They have an agreement that they talk before anything happens with anyone. And he gave this excuse of "Well, you're never here and you don't want to have sex with me" So, he blamed her for his inability to simply talk to her. That's literally all he had to do is talk to her. Technically he cheated on her.
Long story short (this is a lie it's still long haha). She has been spending more time with him and trying to mend their relationship. She is putting all the effort in though. He still is being an asshole about it. This is irritating on many levels. Not only that he is being a jerk, but that she is spending her time with him now. So, the whole time she is with me she is texting him and snapping every person she has ever met (i'm exaggerating...kind of). She has always been attached to her phone. It's never been an issue until recently, however this wasn't the thing that started my issue with the phone. (more on that later) So, i've talked about completely separating the two relationships. My mom has recently died and I don't have any family or holiday traditions anymore. It's hard hearing about all the family stuff she does. I didn't want to go to his family's thanksgiving, so I stayed home alone and just watched movies. I don't want to constantly hear about everything they get to do that I can't do. Am I jealous? I don't know. If I am going to continue this, I have to feel like i'm a part of something and not just a third wheel. I have tried to change the way I view this relationship and am trying to come to terms with not being able to have any of those things. I just don't know if I can do it for very much longer.
The last thing is her phone. She is attached at the hip to that damn thing. She always has been and it was never an issue. Until her husband befriended this guy from his work. Then the friend and her became friends. They were constantly texting and snapchatting each other. She has never ignored me or "not heard me" before while shes been on her phone. Except when she started talking to him. We have had many conversations about this guy for months. Well, he just moved in to her house as their roommate. It's been a process. He cat calls her and harasses her constantly. It's bad. She has stopped texting him and snapping him but, she still is attached to that phone. We have had so many conversations about it and I just gave up. So, I just kind of sit around while she's on her phone and talk when she isn't on it, which isn't very often.
I don't feel like I am getting much out of this relationship. I want to date other people because I feel left out but, she isn't okay with me dating anyone else right now. She says she feels our relationship "isn't on solid ground" right now...
So, here are my quetions....
1-How do I become okay with her phone use?
2-How do I navigate separating her two relationships? (is that even a good idea?)
3-How do I talk to her about not being fulfilled and possibly seeking a companion?
4-How can I become more okay with the issue with not having a future with her?
Wow, this is probably a lot. The back story will help. I promise!