Hi, I'm (f34), new to posting and polyamory in general. I'm married to K (m34), and we have a girl, 5 years old. In January last year, K met S (m28) and they had this energy and love for each other from the start.
I met S couple of months later and fell in love fast. I told K this early on, and this honesty has both parted us and deepened our relationships.
They are both very heterosexual. That is kind of important to them. But their friendship is deeper than what my K has had before. S is a part of the family in many ways by now. We are talking about moving in together as friends. I still feel this is something that is so different that it is easier to discuss and learn from polyamorous people. At the same time. K and I are exploring opening up for deeper loving connections with others.
We have had many issues because of K's jealousy on my feelings for S. That has been months of hard work and a realisation for me of how much love i am capable of feeling and holding. K and I tried opening up 2 months ago. This has made the last weeks kind of difficult because S is scared of losing us, and especially K, if S steps over boundaries. That was easier for him when we were monogamous. He knows what the boundaries are then. So he has kept a distance the past weeks. K finally realised he had to reassure S that he would not suddenly push him away because of hurt feelings.
In the middle of this, K suddenly thought it would be great to plan to move in together with S this fall. I’m all for it, but can we please figure out all these complicated dynamics first? At the same time they teach me that a lot will fall in place when we just do stuff together.
I find it difficult to navigate the jealousy too. Because even though S only wants to be friends with me at this point, how much closeness can a friendship have? What does just being friends mean? What do we tell people asking about our closeness? They don’t have words for this. I probably need some resources to have these conversations too.
It is also impossible for us to know if K suddenly will be overtaken with jealousy. He has gone to therapy and I feel the difference. It is still very difficult to navigate with these two men who love so deeply, and that I love so much. At the same time, they identify as straight men who don’t want to complicate things with new vocabulary and labels.
K had his own interpretation on what opening our marriage meant, which I could not agree to. So we have paused on actually involving people in this mess now. He has started reading Polysecure, and I think knowledge will make our conversations less complicated. He has not wanted to learn because of difficult feelings. At the same time he wants to explore and see if polyamory is a good possibility for us.
I feel alone in navigating this, and trying to have relationships with both of these men where we actually speak truthfully and open about our relationship also as friends. I would be grateful for any advice on creating safe conversations and perhaps resources that would be useful.
I met S couple of months later and fell in love fast. I told K this early on, and this honesty has both parted us and deepened our relationships.
They are both very heterosexual. That is kind of important to them. But their friendship is deeper than what my K has had before. S is a part of the family in many ways by now. We are talking about moving in together as friends. I still feel this is something that is so different that it is easier to discuss and learn from polyamorous people. At the same time. K and I are exploring opening up for deeper loving connections with others.
We have had many issues because of K's jealousy on my feelings for S. That has been months of hard work and a realisation for me of how much love i am capable of feeling and holding. K and I tried opening up 2 months ago. This has made the last weeks kind of difficult because S is scared of losing us, and especially K, if S steps over boundaries. That was easier for him when we were monogamous. He knows what the boundaries are then. So he has kept a distance the past weeks. K finally realised he had to reassure S that he would not suddenly push him away because of hurt feelings.
In the middle of this, K suddenly thought it would be great to plan to move in together with S this fall. I’m all for it, but can we please figure out all these complicated dynamics first? At the same time they teach me that a lot will fall in place when we just do stuff together.
I find it difficult to navigate the jealousy too. Because even though S only wants to be friends with me at this point, how much closeness can a friendship have? What does just being friends mean? What do we tell people asking about our closeness? They don’t have words for this. I probably need some resources to have these conversations too.
It is also impossible for us to know if K suddenly will be overtaken with jealousy. He has gone to therapy and I feel the difference. It is still very difficult to navigate with these two men who love so deeply, and that I love so much. At the same time, they identify as straight men who don’t want to complicate things with new vocabulary and labels.
K had his own interpretation on what opening our marriage meant, which I could not agree to. So we have paused on actually involving people in this mess now. He has started reading Polysecure, and I think knowledge will make our conversations less complicated. He has not wanted to learn because of difficult feelings. At the same time he wants to explore and see if polyamory is a good possibility for us.
I feel alone in navigating this, and trying to have relationships with both of these men where we actually speak truthfully and open about our relationship also as friends. I would be grateful for any advice on creating safe conversations and perhaps resources that would be useful.
