Oh man where to even begin . . .
I should probably just start a blog and link everyone!
Bok and I broke up due to numerous reasons, a significant one of which was my being depressed and his not knowing how to deal with that. He broke up with me, though I expressed quite clearly that I wanted to try and work things out and treat our time apart as more of a seperation and less of a divorce, to use marital terms.
Well, I had been living in a different city for about a month when I met this really awesome guy, Caster. We'd gone out on a few dates, nothing serious, once I felt like I was truly beginning to move on from Bok. Well, then Bok contacts me, wants to try and work things out. Really, does all the things I had been communicating that I thought we should do. So we start talking again.
I tell Caster, of course, and he is okay with it! I met a guy who already knew what poly was! So things are going pretty great all around. Bok and I are talking more and more, being much better at communicating in a non-confrontational way, while Caster and I continue to get closer.
I had agreed with both of them that we were "open"; Bok and I were not dating again as of yet, and Caster was free to see other people as he wished. So under this theme I went out with some friends to a bar. Ended up having a perfectly consensual threesome (worst sex ever by the way >_>).
Bok had asked to be kept up to date on things like that (being careful of hurtful details), so I mentioned something happened and if he wan't to know more I would tell him. Long story short the reaction went something like this:
1) Dating Caster, totally cool (he says)
2) Having a one-night stand with some guy slightly less okay
3) Having a threesome TOTALLY NOT OKAY.
Now I am trying really hard not to feel completely slut-shamed while still understanding exactly the emotions he's expressing. They were the same ones that I felt when he told me he wanted to be poly (and wasn't that a shock when I met Caster xP). At this point it's still a very new conversation but the thing that has come up the most is when he told me, essentially, "did I not what to negotiate boundaries anymore?"
The fuck? I was the one who constantly brought it up when we were together! Asked to talk about them, navigate them as they changed for all parties involved. I have clearly crossed one of his, I'm not going to pretend I didn't. But we had had a threesome before, had left it open on the table to have more. I genuinely never expected this reaction.
So now I'm in a very confusing place of trying to reassure him that my sleeping with other people in no way affects my love for him, trying to help him understand his own negative thoughts on hook-up culture, and witness him having a massive jealousy attack. What can I do!
TL;DR version:
Poly-ex and I started talking about seeing each other again. I am significantly less mono than previously thought (yay?). Poly-ex just had massive jealous/angry/betrayed attack when I told him I'd had a threesome. Now he seems to be seriously reconsidering getting back together again.
I should probably just start a blog and link everyone!
Bok and I broke up due to numerous reasons, a significant one of which was my being depressed and his not knowing how to deal with that. He broke up with me, though I expressed quite clearly that I wanted to try and work things out and treat our time apart as more of a seperation and less of a divorce, to use marital terms.
Well, I had been living in a different city for about a month when I met this really awesome guy, Caster. We'd gone out on a few dates, nothing serious, once I felt like I was truly beginning to move on from Bok. Well, then Bok contacts me, wants to try and work things out. Really, does all the things I had been communicating that I thought we should do. So we start talking again.
I tell Caster, of course, and he is okay with it! I met a guy who already knew what poly was! So things are going pretty great all around. Bok and I are talking more and more, being much better at communicating in a non-confrontational way, while Caster and I continue to get closer.
I had agreed with both of them that we were "open"; Bok and I were not dating again as of yet, and Caster was free to see other people as he wished. So under this theme I went out with some friends to a bar. Ended up having a perfectly consensual threesome (worst sex ever by the way >_>).
Bok had asked to be kept up to date on things like that (being careful of hurtful details), so I mentioned something happened and if he wan't to know more I would tell him. Long story short the reaction went something like this:
1) Dating Caster, totally cool (he says)
2) Having a one-night stand with some guy slightly less okay
3) Having a threesome TOTALLY NOT OKAY.
Now I am trying really hard not to feel completely slut-shamed while still understanding exactly the emotions he's expressing. They were the same ones that I felt when he told me he wanted to be poly (and wasn't that a shock when I met Caster xP). At this point it's still a very new conversation but the thing that has come up the most is when he told me, essentially, "did I not what to negotiate boundaries anymore?"
The fuck? I was the one who constantly brought it up when we were together! Asked to talk about them, navigate them as they changed for all parties involved. I have clearly crossed one of his, I'm not going to pretend I didn't. But we had had a threesome before, had left it open on the table to have more. I genuinely never expected this reaction.
So now I'm in a very confusing place of trying to reassure him that my sleeping with other people in no way affects my love for him, trying to help him understand his own negative thoughts on hook-up culture, and witness him having a massive jealousy attack. What can I do!
TL;DR version:
Poly-ex and I started talking about seeing each other again. I am significantly less mono than previously thought (yay?). Poly-ex just had massive jealous/angry/betrayed attack when I told him I'd had a threesome. Now he seems to be seriously reconsidering getting back together again.
