unicorn hunters?

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PeaceNlove

New member
In my previous post introducing myself, I had someone who mentioned reading up on unicorn hunters. Well I did! I found several very interesting articles and a ton of good advice!

Well I do not think my husband I fall into that category it did help to bring to light why some people didn't seem to understand our relationship with Sparkles. The thing is I don't think me and DH are poly by nature. If things with Sparkles do not work there will not be another person brought in to our relationship. We weren't and have never actively looked for anybody. This triad just kind of happened. I think that is what makes it so different from "unicorn hunters" There was never a list of unattainable characteristics, there was just her and the feeling that it could be something amazing. We have talked at great lengths that if this doesn't work for whatever reason there will not ever ever be another person. Not because of bad feeling but just because the only person I could ever picture being with aside from DH is Sparkles.

Has anybody else been in a triad like this? Where it wasnt planned but instead just naturally seemed to form?
 
I was in a brief triad that just happened that way. Unfortunately my original partner had severe jealousy issues so it ended up not working out.

I think we see so much unicorn hunting that we end up just assuming that every couple with a third are unicorn hunters. Probably not the best assumption to make.
 
Hi PeaceNlove,

Re (from OP):
"Has anybody else been in a triad like this? where it wasn't planned but instead just naturally seemed to form?"
Click to expand...

I know that some triads do form naturally. :)

With regards,
Kevin T.
 
Triads that just happen seem to be the ones that work out the best, and I don't think the term "Unicorn Hunters" applies to that in any way. I can see how the overwhelming number of those that are "hunting," both here and IRL, possibly makes it difficult to get real advice on a more natural, more positive situation. Hopefully, when people see you're all a natural triad, rather than a couple hunting for the impossible, they're happy for you and interested in discussion!
 
Natural Triads

I'm actually in a naturally forming triad now. We've all known each other for almost 15 years, he and I have flirted for that long and she and I have been best friends for that long. It took until May of 2015 for us to admit that there were feelings and she and I were more reluctant that he and I were because of not wanting to loose our friendship. We started on this path almost 3 years ago when they wanted to spice up their sex life and gave swinging a try, now they found that it wasn't for them since it was sex without emotions, but back then was when she first asked me if I was interested in being his FWB. I declined because I was in a mono relationship at the time. Even after I became single again and he and I started talking at first it was only supposed to be FWB between him and I. I have always had very strong feelings about him and the same with him towards me so we knew that a FWB scenario was going to be messy with feelings. It didn't take long before we both admitted to being in love with the other and that we had been for many years. Then we incorporated all three of us in during sex to spice it up which lead to she and I admitted to feelings as well. Now we all sleep together every Thursday through Monday, we each have alone time with the other, Him and I, She and I and She and Him. There wasn't ever a clear cut "Ok let's move this towards a polyfidelous triad" decision, it just flowed and happened that way.

So yeah, it happens and in my case anyway it's a 15 year dream come true.

Good luck!!!
 
I found my unicorn

Hi there. I am 35 and have been in a very happy marriage for 10 years together for 17. I have always been attracted to women and wanted to have 3some but never played out my fantasy until recently. My best friend and I had a fun night of drinking and when my husband came to get me it turned into my fantasy. It wasn't planned. However, it was so amazing for all 3 of us we went back for round 2. This time no drinks and it was just as amazing the second time! It was so perfect we decided why did it have to stop. So now its been 3 months. we spend a lot of time together. We also spend our individual time with her. We cook, clean and shop together. Our kids get a long well, they go to school together, they even ride the same bus. It all seems so perfect. I struggle with the fact that she is so worried about people finding out. However, I myself could care less what anyone else thinks. Once day she talks about getting a big house and all living together and then the next day she is back to this isn't normal I don't know if this can be forever. We love being with her and I would love for her to be a part of our marriage forever. I know she loves being with us as well but I wish she would stop caring what others thought :(
 
TURTLEBABY1979 said:
It all seems so perfect. I struggle with the fact that she is so worried about people finding out. However, I myself could care less what anyone else thinks. Once day she talks about getting a big house and all living together and then the next day she is back to this isn't normal I don't know if this can be forever. We love being with her and I would love for her to be a part of our marriage forever. I know she loves being with us as well but I wish she would stop caring what others thought :(
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I feel for your girlfriend on this matter. I am alot like her in the sense that I care about how people will react. Not 100% because of how it will affect me but more so how it will affect the kids. They are young now (6, 2, 1) but eventually they will be older and other kids and people can be rather cruel
 
It's hard to protect the kids ...
 
TURTLEBABY1979 said:
Hi there. I am 35 and have been in a very happy marriage for 10 years together for 17. I have always been attracted to women and wanted to have 3some but never played out my fantasy until recently. My best friend and I had a fun night of drinking and when my husband came to get me it turned into my fantasy. It wasn't planned. However, it was so amazing for all 3 of us we went back for round 2. This time no drinks and it was just as amazing the second time! It was so perfect we decided why did it have to stop. So now its been 3 months. we spend a lot of time together. We also spend our individual time with her. We cook, clean and shop together. Our kids get a long well, they go to school together, they even ride the same bus. It all seems so perfect. I struggle with the fact that she is so worried about people finding out. However, I myself could care less what anyone else thinks. Once day she talks about getting a big house and all living together and then the next day she is back to this isn't normal I don't know if this can be forever. We love being with her and I would love for her to be a part of our marriage forever. I know she loves being with us as well but I wish she would stop caring what others thought :(
Click to expand...

I'm happy for you, but just a note. Your shared gf isn't a "part of your marriage." A marriage is between 2 people. She is in a dyad with you, she is in a dyad with your husband, she is in a triad with both of you. You are part of "her" triad. You are in a dyad/marriage with your husband. She isn't a part of "your" marriage.

This may sound like nitpicking, but people in triads need to be aware of our socially sanctioned couple privilege. All decisions made (like being "out") need to involve and respect the feelings of all 3 of you. You and your h have legal protections, simply by being a married couple (not to mention hetero privilege that still applies despite same sex marriage now being legal). Your shared gf has no legal protections. Some long term triads draw up legal papers, declaring her next of kin, mentioning child custody agreements, inheritances, health and life insurance, etc., etc.
 
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