Unsure if I am polyaming correctly

G

glamourstargazer

New member
Hi! I am new here and shy, so please be patient with me. Just call me Star, for anonymity sake.

Edit: I am still moderately new to polyamory, my first experience being years ago and not the healthiest. I also have general relationship trauma from abusive situations.

I would like some advice on a situation that I am not familiar with and trying not to allow my anxiety to get the best of me. While the other partners are really about talking/at least being friendly cordial, the primary partner to a new lover/close friend has appeared to completely shut me out, despite being my friendly aquaintance beforehand. I am saddened by it, but want to respect their wishes and boundaries as much as possible and friend/lover has reassured me that it isn't personal. I am doing my research on parallel polyamory, but wish to hear personal advice/experiences. It is mainly to not feel that this is a personal situation, as rationally, I do not believe that it is.

Thank you so much for your time. I am excited to continue doing my research and grow my experience in the polyamory community. ❤️
 
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Welcome Star

and friend/lover has reassured me that it isn't personal.
Click to expand...

It's really just one of those things that you're going to have to believe. Your metamour is very likely simply trying to give your relationship with your hinge a fair chance to develop, and if she's struggling in any way, she may be trying to make sure this isn't exacerbated. Alternatively, she's compersive, but may know from past experience that this is best maintained by her when there is parallel poly.

Of course, there could be a myriad of other reasons, but overall it sounds like she's quite content just giving your relationship space to grow.
 
Hello Star,

In parallel poly, we are not supposed to have contact with our metamour, so it is not personal if your metamour shuts you out, that is just what they are supposed to do. Hopefully the shared partner is still showing you love and affection, let me know if that is not the case. Good luck in your relationship/s going forward.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I like your use of "polyaming" as a verb, that's kinda cute.

Just let your metamour have space and don't stress too much about it.
 
If I'm reading you right, you knew this person before they started dating your partner...and thus this change is hurting you. I'm sorry. That's hard. Is it possible that your metamour is feeling a bit guilty or otherwise concerned about your feelings? When people are new to poly, this can be a hard adjustment. You may intellectually know it's OK but still FEEL like you are cheating. Maybe they are uncomfortable talking to you due to those adjustments. Hopefully, it's temporary, but it's OK if you aren't friends with a metamour. It's also OK to try to be, if you want! But I doubt it's personal (i.e. about you).
 
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