Vanilla Bean

MichelleT

MichelleT

New member
To those who have previously viewed my conversations, I have another question to ask being new to all of this!
I asked the couple I'm involved with, many questions about what's involved, reactions and stuff like that. All of my questions have been via text. Because I'm only available to see them maybe once/week or every2 weeks. I was informed by them today, when I had another question, that they would prefer that we're all together when asking questions and not through text. Now, the only issue I have with this as if I have a question it creates an anxiety in me and builds up even more questions that I don't think I'm supposed to ask them because they don't want me to through texting.
How should I handle this??
 
It's hard to find a compromise when you don't understand why they are asking this.

You could let them know you don't want your precious group together time taken up with a q&a session, so is there another method rather than short form text that would be a compromise, like a shared Google doc or something?

They may be concerned that short form texting can lead to misunderstandings and they would rather be able to quickly clarify things in person.

Could you do a group video call sometime in between your visits where the intention is to ask questions?

Perhaps they can table an idea or two other than just on your in person catch dates.
 
Everyone involved is allowed to have wants and needs, including you. If they want you to "batch" your questions for times when you're all together, ok, that's what they want. You want some support and reassurance, it sounds like, to alleviate your anxiety. So if you agree to hold off on questions, ask them to do {whatever would be helpful} to reassure you.

Their response to this will give you a lot of information, actually. If they consistently behave like your emotional needs are an inconvenience, perhaps they do not have a healthy relationship to offer.

Out of curiosity, do you communicate with each of them individually, or only as a unit?
 
Hi MichelleT,

Whenever you have a question, write it down and make a list of questions. That way, when you get together with them in person, you can refer to the list and don't have to worry about forgetting a question.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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