It's odd for a childless person like myself to be starting a topic like this, and I wouldn't be surprised if threads along these lines already exist, but I kind of wanted to start a new one using my own perspective.
I've been hearing (on Polyamory.com) a few horror stories about poly situations causing damage to the kids in the household, and a few assertions that poly just isn't good for kids. For example these articles:
With that backdrop in mind, I want to ask: Do you think polyamory is bad for the kids? I ask this especially of poly people who are raising kids, and of people who have been kids in a poly household, but I'm also interested in the thoughts and opinions of the childless-and-raised-in-monogamous-homes people out there.
What problems do you think poly can potentially cause for the kids?
Can those problems be prevented? If so, how?
Would/could some of you compose a list of do's and don'ts for this thread, about how to care for the kids as a poly adult?
How many cases do you know of where there are kids in a poly household? Are you very familiar with some of those situations?
Do you know of many success stories about poly childrearing?
Do you know of many horror stories about poly childrearing?
Which type of story do you know the most of, success or horror? or is it about 50/50?
Is poly living a selfish choice that puts the kids in second place? Does any parent have any business subjecting their kids to a poly environment?
It's because I'm childless (and was raised monogamous) that I have to ask these questions. I don't have the kind of knowledge and expertise I'd need to tackle these questions myself.
My perception so far is that poly is usually about as good for the kids as it is for the adults. That is, if the adults handle themselves wisely and foster a positive poly experience, the kids will usually experience a poly environment as a positive thing. However, one crucial thing poly parents must do is communicate often with their kids to find out about the kids' feelings and needs.
I believe the adults need to be united in 100% mutual consent about being poly and how the poly dynamics are handled, otherwise contention will arise between the adults and that will sour the experience for the children.
It seems like the kids should be the ones to decide, for instance, whether Mommy's new girlfriend will become their second Mommy. Do you agree? Are there exceptions to this rule?
I imagine that some homes with kids simply aren't suited for either parent being poly. This could be for any number of reasons, e.g.
I've been hearing (on Polyamory.com) a few horror stories about poly situations causing damage to the kids in the household, and a few assertions that poly just isn't good for kids. For example these articles:
- Polyamory -- Not Healthy For Children
- Teens And Polyamorous Parents -- I Hate That My Parents Are Poly
- Anonymous Kid -- I Hate Polyamorous Family Holidays
With that backdrop in mind, I want to ask: Do you think polyamory is bad for the kids? I ask this especially of poly people who are raising kids, and of people who have been kids in a poly household, but I'm also interested in the thoughts and opinions of the childless-and-raised-in-monogamous-homes people out there.
What problems do you think poly can potentially cause for the kids?
Can those problems be prevented? If so, how?
Would/could some of you compose a list of do's and don'ts for this thread, about how to care for the kids as a poly adult?
How many cases do you know of where there are kids in a poly household? Are you very familiar with some of those situations?
Do you know of many success stories about poly childrearing?
Do you know of many horror stories about poly childrearing?
Which type of story do you know the most of, success or horror? or is it about 50/50?
Is poly living a selfish choice that puts the kids in second place? Does any parent have any business subjecting their kids to a poly environment?
It's because I'm childless (and was raised monogamous) that I have to ask these questions. I don't have the kind of knowledge and expertise I'd need to tackle these questions myself.
My perception so far is that poly is usually about as good for the kids as it is for the adults. That is, if the adults handle themselves wisely and foster a positive poly experience, the kids will usually experience a poly environment as a positive thing. However, one crucial thing poly parents must do is communicate often with their kids to find out about the kids' feelings and needs.
I believe the adults need to be united in 100% mutual consent about being poly and how the poly dynamics are handled, otherwise contention will arise between the adults and that will sour the experience for the children.
It seems like the kids should be the ones to decide, for instance, whether Mommy's new girlfriend will become their second Mommy. Do you agree? Are there exceptions to this rule?
I imagine that some homes with kids simply aren't suited for either parent being poly. This could be for any number of reasons, e.g.
- one of the parents simply can't tolerate polyamory,
- poly takes a lot of time and your kids need your time,
- any number of other reasons.