oh ok I grasp your point entirely now. And I understand the forum got deluded as it progresses; yes WE would date, seriously and in long term, another woman.
I appreciate your willingness to learn.
Seriously dating as a package deal is considered the unethical form of unicorn hunting. I'll share my notes on why it's a bad idea, directed toward potential unicorns:
Unicorn hunting for a significant other: when couples present as a package deal for a relationship. Veto power is inherent, because if you want to stop dating one person, they will automatically veto you from dating the other. Largely considered unethical, because of the ways it disempowers the third person.
Always hierarchical. Because if both partners in the existing couple have the power to choose to date both of their partners without it being dependent on maintaining the relationship with the other, that is more power than the unicorn has.
Unicorn hunting is notorious amongst couples who have not put much legwork into opening up, as they often see the prospect of dating together as a way to avoid many of the unpleasant feelings (namely jealousy) present in non-monogamy. In practice, there is not necessarily less jealousy on a triadic relationship than in a dyadic one. Often there is more, because everything is in each other’s faces, and relationships are unlikely to develop at an equal pace.
Unicorn hunting is highly unrealistic. It’s rare enough to be compatible for a serious relationship with one person. Now add a second person, and not a person you chose independently, it has to be the partner of your love interest. And the relationships are typically expected to develop at the exact same speed.
You are denied agency and autonomy. You cannot end the relationship with one party without losing the relationship with the other. This kind of rule is coercive and undermines consent. You may feel pressure to keep dating someone you otherwise wouldn’t for fear of losing a relationship with someone you’ve fallen for. Or maybe you fall madly in love with both people, but one of them isn’t feeling it with you. You’ll then have to deal with two heartbreaks at once.
Hierarchy: the original couple maintains hierarchy, either explicit or covert (sneakiarchy). The unicorn is expected to fit into the life and relationship of the original couple, even if it’s a big adjustment for the unicorn. They are unlikely to give the unicorn’s wants and needs equal weight as that of each other. They’ve often made rules and agreements ahead of time about the third person’s place in the relationship—without seeking the third person’s input. And said rules and agreements are often presented as take it or leave it—if they are willing to negotiate with the unicorn, the unicorn’s voice is often not given equal sway. Sometimes, they are not out as polyamorous so the unicorn has to pretend to be just a friend around the original couple’s friends and family. Sometimes, the unicorn is not allowed to have one-on-one sex with their partners, while they maintain the privilege of that with each other. Sometimes, the original couple reads each other’s private text conversations with the unicorn, but the unicorn does not get to read text conversations between the original couple. If the triad decides to live together, it is expected that the unicorn is the one uprooting their life to move in with the original couple. Sometimes, the original couple wants the triad to be closed—preventing the unicorn from ever finding their own primary or anchor partner. The original couple is often older and in a better financial position than the unicorn, furthering the power imbalance.
Intentions? Typically, the original couple doesn’t intend to treat the unicorn unfairly. They just don’t stop to consider things from the unicorn’s perspective, or if they do, they are clouded by bias. Nonetheless, the impact on the unicorn can be very negative.
If you'd like to read more about unicorn hunting directed to the unicorn hunters, I highly recommend this article:
https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/
