I don't know Ray, obviously, and this could be completely me talking out of my ass...
But based on what you've said about him, I would say that his behaving like a little boy is perfectly understandable. It sounds like he never had anyone to take care of him. He was bullied and/or abused beginning at a very young age, and was used by others. I can't remember whether you've said much about his family when he was growing up, but if he didn't have help and support from his parents, that could contribute to his current ways of interacting.
If he didn't have a loving, nurturing, supportive childhood, but perceives you as loving and supportive, it isn't surprising that he would be turning to you to try to fulfill those needs. That doesn't mean he's going about it in an appropriate way, or that you have to respond to it the way he wants you to, but I would say he's acting like a "little boy" because somewhere inside him *is* a little boy who wasn't taken care of properly and needs someone to do it.
Ray grew up an only child. He grew up in Inglewood, California, in the 60s and 70s. Ray was the white boy in his neighborhood. And he grew up living behind a topless bar, a nude wrestling place, a massage parlor, an adult arcade and a free clinic.
There was a vacant lot next to Ray's house where he and his mother had watched cars drive through and drop of bodies in the middle of the night, and by the time Ray was 10 years old, he had found three different bodies in dumpsters.
Ray told me that even in grade school boys had to go to the bathroom in groups for their safety. Ray's grade school and junior high school were connected, and most of the kids he grew up with he had to see every day through out grade school and junior high school.
I have talked with Ray's mom about his growing up, a lot. She and Ray's dad both worked while Ray was in school, but his mom was always home when he got home. More often than not Ray was chased home.
Ray's mom told me a long time ago that Ray spent a lot of time playing outside alone, in their back yard. And she didn't realize, until he was in junior high, how much time Ray had spent hanging around the massage parlor and the adult arcade. The only thing that separated Ray's back yard and the massage parlor and the adult arcade was a four foot chain link fence.
Ray's mom said that she was very strict with Ray when he grew up, and where ever she went he had to go, too. But when they were home, Ray was allowed to play in their back yard, alone, a lot. Ray's mom said that all through grade school and junior high Ray liked having boys stay the night at their house. Since most of the people in their neighborhood were black, so were the boys who spent the night with Ray.
Ray's mom said that Ray had adult magazines that she would find in his room pretty often. She knew that these were magazines that the adult arcade had thrown out. She felt it was just youthful interest. Ray's mom said that Ray never really had many friends, but a lot of boys did spend the night at their house with Ray. And that she had let Ray spend the night at other boy's houses quite often.
Ray's mom said that although Ray didn't have many actual friends, that he was well liked in their neighborhood. Ray's mom admitted that when Ray was younger that he enjoyed wearing her nylons. He would tell her that they just felt good. She didn't see the harm and had even bought him pairs that fit him. Ray's mom says that Ray has always been a bit feminine, and because he was an only child, she pampered him a lot, probably more than she should have.
Ray's mom has told me, many times, that Ray was sexual at a very young age, or at least had an interest from an early age. She admitted that she knew that Ray had watched men get blow jobs in the back of the establishments they lived behind, and there wasn't much she could do about that. Ray's mom also admitted that she used to find wash cloths in Ray's bed, after Ray had boys stay the night with him, that were hard and that she had to wash Ray's sheets more often than she washed hers and her husband's.
Ray's mom told me that because Ray's skin was so sensetive, that he more often than not wore silk panties instead of boy's underwear. She knew it wasn't really his sensetive skin, and that Ray just liked the panties, so she didn't say anything about it and just bought them for him.
Ray has always bragged about his years as a figure Skater. Ray's mom confirmed this by saying that Ray developed an interest in skating when he was around eleven years old. Ray's mom said that she was at the rink most days at 4:AM and then took Ray to school at 9:AM and then took him back to the rink at 3:30 four days a weeks. Ray's mom, Ann, said that Ray was a natural. Ann said that even Ray's ballet teacher said that he was a natural, and the fact that Ray had double-jointed hips was a big plus for Ray.
Ray was competitive as far as skating went, but never showed interest in other sports like foot ball or basket ball. Ray always had a feminine frame, and he liked skating. Ray also enjoyed being able to spend a lot of time with girls, who he seemed to have a lot in common with.
Ann said that one of Ray's only friends, that she could remember him having, was a boy named Ronnie. Ann said that Ronnie may have only been 12 at the time when he and Ray met, but it was obvious that Ronnie was gay. And Ray and Ronnie were the best of friends for almost a year, until Ronnie and his family moved out of state.
Ann told me, a long time ago, that Ray's first steady was a boy that lived down the street from them. Ray and this other boy, Michael, were boyfriends until Ray's sophmore year in high school. Ann said that Ray had actually come out of the closet when he was thirteen, but Ray's father told him that he had to decide if he was going to date boys or girls and that he couldn't date both. Ray told his father that he liked both boys and girls, and that he didn't really know what he liked most because he had never been with a girl.
Ann told me that Ray and his father had a good relationship, but his father was an old farm boy and seeing his son as gay wasn't in the cards for him. Ray continued to date Michael, but he also dated a girl he had grown up with named Tigra. Ray and Tigra never had sex, but they did date as friends.
Ann told me that Michael went to the rink with them most days and stayed the night at their house several nights a week, as well. Ann told me that she knew that Ray and Michael were intimate with each other, and that they were really boyfriend and boyfriend. She said she never bothered Ray and Michael when they were in Ray's room alone. She felt that she should show Ray the same respect she would expect from him.
Ann told me that she wasn't sure why Ray went gay like he did when he was younger, but it didn't surprise her when he did. Ann said that Ray had always been the nurturing type, and that he had always been very in touch with his inner self. Ann said that when Ray was younger, although a lot of boys called him names and he also got beat up a lot, that he never lost who he was, deep inside.
I asked Ann why she and her husband never got Ray boxing lessons or something, so that he wouldn't get beat up like he did. Ann told me that she and her husband had told Ray never to fight, because it would lower him to their level. Ann said that she regretted teaching Ray that thought. Ann sighed when she talked about this and told me that she knew that Ray got beat up a lot, but had expected him to one day just have enough and go off and prove to the other boys that he could fight. But that never happened.
When Michael and his mother moved, Ray and Michael had to break up. After Michael had moved away, Ray started dating a girl he knew from school. Ray dated this girl, Deedra, until he graduated and went into the Air Force. Ann said that she didn't think that Ray and Deedra were ever intimate, but they did hold hands. Ann admitted that there had been several times, when Ray was dating Deedra, that she had seen Deedra with other boys, and they seemed to be more like boyfriend and girlfriend than Deedra did when she was with Ray.
So, that's pretty much Ray's upbringing.