What is the difference between being polyamorous and being commitment-phobic?

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Hello,

I'm a little stuck. I don't know what I want. Shocker, for a female, right? ;)

I have the great disadvantage of having Borderline Personality Disorder, which greatly affects my relationships and trust. My question is, how can I know if I am really polyamorous, or if I am simply terrified of remaining in a long-term relationship that will grow boring and meaningless?

I really tried out polyamory for the first time last year, but didn't get very far before I met my bf, who chased me for months before I finally agreed to be mono with him. I struggled for the first few months, but we got settled. Now I am relatively happy, except I keep finding myself having to restrict myself around my guy friends, and feeling unsatisfied emotionally, despite having a very affectionate and supportive bf.

I don't want to throw away a good relationship if I'm not even sure I'm poly. My bf is absolutely dead set against polyamory, so my choice is pretty much him or poly.

Any advice on how to tell the difference? Or am I just stuck being miserable for the sake of having a solid "happy" relationship?
 
If you are miserable, you don't have a solid relationship. You only have consistency. If he is completely unwilling to work on this, then my suggestion is you both find better-suited partners.
 
I have to second Mono on this one. The language you use: "relatively," "struggled," etc., are all qualifying terms for your relationship. Having had a BPD ex, I can tell you that it's not your BPD that is giving you these feelings. If it was, you would be pushing him away more than singing his praises if you are not fulfilled emotionally.

I have said many times to people talking about being poly, that for TP to be monogamous, she would be restricting a large part of her personality, and it would be emotionally unsatisfying for her. She and I had to build up trust before I was ready to open the relationship. But if you've given it a go, and it's not working, it's not working.
 
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