tryingmybest
New member
hi everyone, I hope youre all well and ok.
last year I signed up to the forum but so far, have only made one post, in which I was confused as to whether or not I was poly, over the last year I have come to the conclusion that I am not. However, my partner, who I have been on and off with for over two years, is.
over those two years I have come to the conclusion that some people and in fact I think probably 70-80% of people, if western social constraints didn't exist, would be polyamorous. However, I do believe that a small percentage of us are just hardwired mono.
(Hello btw)
not that I really think that (completely unscientific and purely anecdotal) statistic is important when examining the 'validity' of poly relationships, but from my personal experience polyamory, or at least swinging, is desperately needed in many relationships.
even though I am not poly and can I no way claim to understand the emotional aspects of it, I want to support my partner in the best way that I can, except, I'm not sure if I can do that for him.
The problem isn't him, its me, i'm sure a lot of people wont understand or agree with me allowing my partner to have other partners (personally I just believe its his right as a human being) I know a lot of people will say that he' commitment-phobic and a ghastly human being.
but when he is with me and talking to me, I see nothing but a very loving, caring, understanding, and I mean I can talk to him about anything under the sun , truly beautiful man.
we both have severe mental illnesses and disabilities, and this is where we really connect. Even though we differ in some ways, our base personalities and how we see the world (due to our illnesses) is very similar, this also makes us both much more understanding about other things that affect each others lives. I can see us being a couple, like two birds flying high with wings almost touching, both free to do as we wish and retaining our own identities, but bound by love.
Yet at the same time, I realise this isn't what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for an anchor.
Due to my illnesses I am someone that suffers with suicidal ideation, and this 'anchor' I seek is basically someone to stop me from carrying out these dark desires. (Before I go any further I would like to make perfectly clear I am aware this is in no way healthy and have been in therapy for many years)
And I've found him.
Generally, I am a complete and utter misanthropist, but there is something about this man that goes against that completely.
However, this also means that he has become the aforementioned anchor, or to put it more bluntly, he's become used.
and I truly believe I'm borderlining on abusing him because of this.
it isn't right to use someone for such an....appalling purpose.
And it isn't right that I feel that my point of being in this world is another fallible human being.
I am working on this, but I cant help but feel bad as this would put pressure on any relationship, but especially a poly one where time sharing is key, and although a lot of the time I don't mean to be, I know for a fact that I am a very needy person, I need stability, and a poly relationship doesn't always work like that if your partner is constantly being disappointed by not being able to fulfil his needs.
I wonder sometimes if I am jealous of the other women, or if I am annoyed and angry at them for leaving him so distraught. recently my partner went through a break up, and even though he's not saying it I know he's suffering, I know he longs for someone else to spend time with and love, he just cant find her, and I wonder if that instability is somehow affecting me. If that's even a thing.
there's no denying that I am a very unhappy person, obviously this affects any relationship I have.
but being mono, I'm fine with just having him.
but the one thing I'm really struggling with is not having an animal, this year I moved into my own apartment, whereas in my family home I always had animals, here I cannot have them.
to people who do not like or have never loved an animal the way I have this probably sounds ridiculous, but I feel like this is ripping me up inside.
I am autistic, and if I'm around people or loud noises for too long I go into sensory overload, so I don't always want or need someone cohabiting with me, I cant work out whether that makes me the best, or worst person for a poly person to date. but I cant help feeling like my issues are going to make this very hard on everyone involved.
I come from a culture where, although polyamory is unusual/ taboo, polygamy is not.
and if I'm honest, that's the kind of set up id like.
I just wonder if I'm hurting my partner by all this, whether someone mono should date someone poly, I love him to death but I equally want him to be happy and I don't know if I can do that for him.
(I just realised how long this is, apologies)
last year I signed up to the forum but so far, have only made one post, in which I was confused as to whether or not I was poly, over the last year I have come to the conclusion that I am not. However, my partner, who I have been on and off with for over two years, is.
over those two years I have come to the conclusion that some people and in fact I think probably 70-80% of people, if western social constraints didn't exist, would be polyamorous. However, I do believe that a small percentage of us are just hardwired mono.
(Hello btw)
not that I really think that (completely unscientific and purely anecdotal) statistic is important when examining the 'validity' of poly relationships, but from my personal experience polyamory, or at least swinging, is desperately needed in many relationships.
even though I am not poly and can I no way claim to understand the emotional aspects of it, I want to support my partner in the best way that I can, except, I'm not sure if I can do that for him.
The problem isn't him, its me, i'm sure a lot of people wont understand or agree with me allowing my partner to have other partners (personally I just believe its his right as a human being) I know a lot of people will say that he' commitment-phobic and a ghastly human being.
but when he is with me and talking to me, I see nothing but a very loving, caring, understanding, and I mean I can talk to him about anything under the sun , truly beautiful man.
we both have severe mental illnesses and disabilities, and this is where we really connect. Even though we differ in some ways, our base personalities and how we see the world (due to our illnesses) is very similar, this also makes us both much more understanding about other things that affect each others lives. I can see us being a couple, like two birds flying high with wings almost touching, both free to do as we wish and retaining our own identities, but bound by love.
Yet at the same time, I realise this isn't what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for an anchor.
Due to my illnesses I am someone that suffers with suicidal ideation, and this 'anchor' I seek is basically someone to stop me from carrying out these dark desires. (Before I go any further I would like to make perfectly clear I am aware this is in no way healthy and have been in therapy for many years)
And I've found him.
Generally, I am a complete and utter misanthropist, but there is something about this man that goes against that completely.
However, this also means that he has become the aforementioned anchor, or to put it more bluntly, he's become used.
and I truly believe I'm borderlining on abusing him because of this.
it isn't right to use someone for such an....appalling purpose.
And it isn't right that I feel that my point of being in this world is another fallible human being.
I am working on this, but I cant help but feel bad as this would put pressure on any relationship, but especially a poly one where time sharing is key, and although a lot of the time I don't mean to be, I know for a fact that I am a very needy person, I need stability, and a poly relationship doesn't always work like that if your partner is constantly being disappointed by not being able to fulfil his needs.
I wonder sometimes if I am jealous of the other women, or if I am annoyed and angry at them for leaving him so distraught. recently my partner went through a break up, and even though he's not saying it I know he's suffering, I know he longs for someone else to spend time with and love, he just cant find her, and I wonder if that instability is somehow affecting me. If that's even a thing.
there's no denying that I am a very unhappy person, obviously this affects any relationship I have.
but being mono, I'm fine with just having him.
but the one thing I'm really struggling with is not having an animal, this year I moved into my own apartment, whereas in my family home I always had animals, here I cannot have them.
to people who do not like or have never loved an animal the way I have this probably sounds ridiculous, but I feel like this is ripping me up inside.
I am autistic, and if I'm around people or loud noises for too long I go into sensory overload, so I don't always want or need someone cohabiting with me, I cant work out whether that makes me the best, or worst person for a poly person to date. but I cant help feeling like my issues are going to make this very hard on everyone involved.
I come from a culture where, although polyamory is unusual/ taboo, polygamy is not.
and if I'm honest, that's the kind of set up id like.
I just wonder if I'm hurting my partner by all this, whether someone mono should date someone poly, I love him to death but I equally want him to be happy and I don't know if I can do that for him.
(I just realised how long this is, apologies)
