What is your 'story'

T

Twistyjellybean

New member
So basically we live in a society where poly is not openly accepted. In our town/community/families/friends we know of no one who is poly. So when it comes to day to day living in society when you have a young blended poly family that all live together what do you put out there to the world? What is your 'cover story' as to why/how you are living together as three adults, with blended children? Do you leave it up to others imaginations? Do you have a fake story that is a cover? Are you openly out?
 
As we've started being more open about it we're finding there are many in our town who live poly lifestyles. It seems to be pretty accepted and fairly common here. So our story is just the truth about who we are to each other.
 
I am also open about the fact that I am poly and live with my two partners.
 
I split my time between two houses.

My kids and dog travel with sometimes.

We don't hide.
 
My "story" with his folks is actually pretty funny. We decided it would be best, for me, if his parents thought he joined me and my girlfriend, rather than him and me dating and her joining us.

So we told them that story and his mother's response was, "I thought [Sara] was a lesbian."

To everyone else, he and I are friends, though I think everyone suspects otherwise.

When the time is right, we'll just come out to everyone.
 
I have a hankering to out myself to the world, but my (two) poly companions are scared to death to do that. So, we will remain in the closet until further notice.

Our "story" (cover story) is just that we are really good friends -- unofficially adopted family. When asked about her relationship with me at the doctor's office or whatever, Snowbunny tells them that she is a "friend of the family."
 
I'm so glad I don't need a fake story.


My great-grandmother's boyfriend lived with her and my great-grandfather. To people outside the family, he was "the boarder" to whom they rented a room. However, most of the family knew he was her boyfriend (my sister and I weren't told until we were adults). From what I gathered, those who knew did not approve at all. But my great-grandmother didn't care!
 
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To the outside world Dude is our roommate and MrS's best friend.
 
When me and my husband and my LDR BF and is wife go out, people are often confused as to who I am married to. My LDR BF's wife is okay with me and her husband acting like teenagers when we are together, whether she is with us or not.

We have had men live with us, and it was way obvious that they were more than just room mates. My mother-in-law has known from the beginning about our relationship. My husband and his ex were very open.

I have had sex with three men that work with my husband. And everyone knows it. And it has never been an issue.

We live just a few blocks from a swinger motel, the Mon Chalet, here in Denver. We have met several friends there that we didn't know were poly or swingers, but they always tell us that they knew about us, that it was obvious.

We, me and my husband, have met men while we were out together, and they always tell us that it was obvious that we had an open relationship, and that it would be cool to sit with us and be very open about their attraction to me, in front of my husband.

I think that when you are open, about pretty much everything, it is obvious to everyone around you. We are open, and we ware glad that we have never had to have a "story."
 
I'm not "out". With that said, I refuse to lie.

I am not ready to have the conversation, but if someone asks? We tell them. I refuse to lie about someone; the people I'm with deserve better respect than that. I'm not going to shove them down under the dashboard when someone rides by. How does that help anyone but myself?
 
People see me with my couple all the time...especially their neighbors and house visitors. no one has ever asked us anything. While it's in my opinion no one's business (mainly people I don't know) if anyone were to come up and ask me, I'd tell them...

However, all of our closest mutual friends know and accept us, and a few of my beloved's coworkers know.

I would just find that so funny, if someone were to come up to us and say "what are you 3 doing?" or something like that. haha.
 
My girlfriend and her husband have decided they're not going to lie about being poly, they're just not going to advertise it. It's a conservative state and people in high positions tend to look down on that sort of thing. But they've decided they don't want to lie about the people they care about.

So, for my part... the people who know I'm dating don't know who my girlfriend is. The only people I've told that she's married are my two best friends, who live in different time zones. Well, and my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

But the poly community here seems to be like an iceberg -- there's a lot more under the surface than you can see. So it's not like everyone is isolated from society.
 
Yes, one never knows which of one's family, friends, and acquaintances might be poly too.
 
We (Astraeus and I) have recently moved to be closer to Daedalea, and we plan eventually to live together (right now, she stays weekends with us and the rest of the time at her place, and Astraeus stays one night over at her place). When we were preparing to move, and we were looking for somewhere to live and a school for Cantharellus (our son), we decided that we were going to be open, and that Daedalea would accompany us on our house and school hunt. The people at the schools all asked about us (i.e. why there were three adults involved), and we told them that we were all a family together. One of the headmasters we spoke to said 'You think I'm shocked, but I'm not!' :D (Cantharellus goes to that school now ;) ).

This is the most open we've been (in 'real life', that is - we were already out on Facebook), and so far it's been just fine! We don't thrust it in people's faces, but we are always completely honest if people ask us about it.

The only concern I have about being out is that it might somehow result in negative consequences for Cantharellus (re: teasing), but hopefully he feels secure enough in his family situation that he would feel able to talk to us if that happened, and that it wouldn't affect him too badly. He has been totally laid back and accepting of it so far (he's nearly 7).

Amanita
 
My wife and I had a triad with her best girlfriend for 38 years of our 45 year marriage despite her having a kid by her ex husband and getting married a few years into our relationship. If that is not unbelievable then I do not know what is. :) It worked well for us with never a problem. The women got along great. No jealousy at all. Our girlfriend's husband socialized with us but never wanted to join us or watch so it was like our g/f was not married. In fact, she was able to spend more time with us because her husband could take care of their kid and other household things. So that is our story. We would still be together if our girlfriend's husband had not lost all the money he got from selling his practice, in the stock market in one of those scams that affected many people. They had to cancel the house they were going to buy in the new location were we were all going to retire together and had to go back to work. Since their licenses are only good in their own State, they had to stay behind. Perhaps in the future as we still talk to our g/f weekly and are all still in love with each other.
 
We are LDR. So on my home ground, I'm out to the important freinds in my life and what family I have (my adult daughter), but on theirs we aren't out to anyone. He thinks his mom might 'know', but hasn't told her, and there are no plans to tell anyone else.

(He's very private, so for him it's a stretch knowing that others know here, and I'm very open person, so it's a stretch for me to know he doesn't want others to know. Yet.)

So our story is different based on where we are. Here we need no story. There I am his wife's best friend, and we struggle to find room inside that definition for alone time etc.
 
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I'm totally out to everyone except my elderly employers, because a) they wouldn't understand and b) it's none of their business. They know about my boyfriend, but they don't know that I'm his second (timeline-wise, not hierarchy-wise) girlfriend, nor do they know that I'm actively dating outside of him.

My recently declared (circa spring) poly-ness is not viewed charitably by my family members, but they are cordial and, over time, they will come to accept it as they accepted my bisexuality when I came out.

None of my friends care/judge at all, even if they might think it a trifle odd, and feel the need to say "I don't know how you even..."
 
I think its awesome how many people who are open and accepted. Its not a position I am in. Because of my position in society, both for my career and my community positions, I can't be open. My close friends all know and while most of them don't "get it" they just accept it. My boyfriends wife just tells anyone who will listen to her chat that they are poly. She thinks their reactions are funny. He doesn't tell anyone. Im not even sure his coworkers know hes been married for eight years. lol.
 
I'm cautiously open about being poly. My parents know. My dad struggles with understanding how Hubby can be okay with me seeing other men; my mother pretends to be accepting but often throws things like "I'm glad S2 is such a good friend" or "Be careful that you don't have feelings for S2 like you do for Hubby" into our conversations. Alt has been told that I'm poly; she knew Guy was my boyfriend when he was, and she knows what place S2 has in my life. Country has not been told for a number of reasons, primarily that it's best not to tell her things unless she actually asks.

Some of my friends know; they're the ones that I either met through the same site where I met Hubby and S2, or they're not in exactly traditional relationships themselves, or they follow a spiritual path that not only doesn't object to poly but considers it as valid and acceptable as monogamy. My Christian/Mormon friends do not know. And being polyamorous has become part of my official romance author identity, though I don't mention it under my teen fiction author name.

Hubby prefers that his family not find out. He says he isn't ashamed of it; he just doesn't want to get into a debate or argument with his family members, especially since a few of them already have issues with me and this would just give them one more reason to dislike me. If he had to choose between me and anyone in his family, he would choose me, but he'd rather not have to make that choice.

S2's kids have been introduced to me as "a friend of their dad's". I've met a few of his friends, and apparently before I met them, he had told them we were dating. (When he introduced me to them, it was by name only, but he told me later they knew the situation.) He told another friend last weekend and got a negative response, but he says that isn't going to stop him from telling others; he's happy with me and wants people to know he's happy. He's trying to figure out how to tell his mother. I think he may have given up on his siblings based on how they're reacting to the news that his ex is living with a woman...
 
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