IndigoTiger
Member
I'm honestly trying my hardest to stay as logical as possible right now. If it's not one thing, it's another. I cannot deny that things have been better at home with my husband. He's slowly begun to actually be able to pick himself up and function like a normal human being, instead of using his anxiety as a crutch and an excuse that he can't. I accepted shit like that for far longer than I ever should have.
Since becoming poly, it's been made clear to me what I really deserve. My thoughts and feelings have been validated instead of consistently being expected to put his anxiety first. It's given me life. It's given me nerve to push things forward and cut anything out that gets in my way. Gradually, my husband has grown to learn and respect that.
However, these low points are still happening. Less frequently, but they're still there and they're horribly dramatic. Even though my BF and his wife- half of our family- all found out they're going to be losing their jobs today, that was not an issue of focus for my husband. His issue of focus became about a misunderstanding between he and his GF about me. This turned into an argument lasting about 5 hours. My husband switching between feeling like a failure and having an anxiety attack while simply trying to make dinner, to ranting about his GF about how she completely wronged him in their discussion from earlier. Yea, he disrespected her, but it was because she disrespected him first, which wasn't how it went at all, but he still perceived it as such.
Not only did this mental break require our family to drop everything in order for them to come and help me deal with him (applying for jobs, eating, etc), but he still made it completely impossible for us to help him- moping about every single move that's made that he decides to over-analyse (ex: not telling him "it's okay", leaving the room, etc). I really don't know what to do anymore. This all started with me expressing hesitation on bringing things I want to him in fear of hurting his feelings or causing problems. And that's exactly what happened even though when he and I actually discussed that, it seemed to go well. It just kind of feels like there has to be issue with someone somewhere at all times.
I'm now back in a place where I'm considering talking with our roommate about she and I renting a place together once our lease on this house is up. I haven't wanted to do that because of how much things have improved, but regardless of the improvement on his part, going from having these issues every day to once or twice every could of weeks still doesn't sit well with me for someone I want to be living with. I want to feel like I used to with him, but maybe we can actually appreciate each other more if we lived and managed our lives apart for a while. I just really don't know what else to do anymore.
Since becoming poly, it's been made clear to me what I really deserve. My thoughts and feelings have been validated instead of consistently being expected to put his anxiety first. It's given me life. It's given me nerve to push things forward and cut anything out that gets in my way. Gradually, my husband has grown to learn and respect that.
However, these low points are still happening. Less frequently, but they're still there and they're horribly dramatic. Even though my BF and his wife- half of our family- all found out they're going to be losing their jobs today, that was not an issue of focus for my husband. His issue of focus became about a misunderstanding between he and his GF about me. This turned into an argument lasting about 5 hours. My husband switching between feeling like a failure and having an anxiety attack while simply trying to make dinner, to ranting about his GF about how she completely wronged him in their discussion from earlier. Yea, he disrespected her, but it was because she disrespected him first, which wasn't how it went at all, but he still perceived it as such.
Not only did this mental break require our family to drop everything in order for them to come and help me deal with him (applying for jobs, eating, etc), but he still made it completely impossible for us to help him- moping about every single move that's made that he decides to over-analyse (ex: not telling him "it's okay", leaving the room, etc). I really don't know what to do anymore. This all started with me expressing hesitation on bringing things I want to him in fear of hurting his feelings or causing problems. And that's exactly what happened even though when he and I actually discussed that, it seemed to go well. It just kind of feels like there has to be issue with someone somewhere at all times.
I'm now back in a place where I'm considering talking with our roommate about she and I renting a place together once our lease on this house is up. I haven't wanted to do that because of how much things have improved, but regardless of the improvement on his part, going from having these issues every day to once or twice every could of weeks still doesn't sit well with me for someone I want to be living with. I want to feel like I used to with him, but maybe we can actually appreciate each other more if we lived and managed our lives apart for a while. I just really don't know what else to do anymore.