Unsureifitsright
New member
Hi, I am new to this poligamy style relationship idea. That being said, I believe I am in one now. This is a long story but Ill try and make it short. Ive been in love with Andrew for 3.5 years. We were together for a year then apart for 9 months then tried again for 6 months then seperated yet agan for a year. He struggles with substance abuse and I have children so I can't have him around when he falls off the wagon. He is sober now and recently I let him come back. Two weeks after he moved back in he tells me about a woman named Sara that he was helping while we were apart. Shes 21, married to a man who was recently sentenced to life without parole and 8.5 months pregnant with her husband's child. Shes homeless, under-educated, and no work experience. However she has helped him sober up because she is completely dependent on him. Because of this he tells me he has to go back to this drug infested neighborhood to take care of her. So I, in a desperate attempt to keep him safe, open my home to this woman. I was amazed to see my usually sullen depressed Andrew interact with Sarah. He laughed, chatted about nothing, assisted her in any way he could, all the while insisting they were just friends. He seemed so happy. Sara is a sweet girl who has had a difficult life and we quickly become friends. I found out Andrew and Sara had been in a relationship for 7 months while we were apart. It hurts to be told so long after they move in but deep down I knew right away by the way he spoke about her. So I get over it... kindof... I start feeling insecure. Wondering if while Im at work they are doing the dirty in my bed. I tell my fears to Andrew who after denying that, in turn replies he still loves her though...and still loves me. He said he couldnt choose who to be with because itll hurt him too much. He has committed to helping Sara with her baby and he is a huge part of my childrens lives. I tell him to pick one because its killing me to be suspicious of both of them all of the time. He says lets try to be in a threesome relationship. Ok I thought, we can try. Sara and I are compatible and bisexual and we both love Andrew so much. She got him off drugs... and he came home to me. There are no ill feelings toward her or him. We are here because we want to be right. So why am I struggling so much with this concept! Sara had her baby boy, he is adorable and I love him. However, watching the man I love raise a child with another woman is extremely hard. Especially since Ive lost the child he and I created in a miscarriage over a year ago. That isnt the only issue.. he initiates sex with her and not me unless its a group thing. He cant stay aroused most times with me but I find videos in his cloud storage of solo sessions a porn star would be proud of involving them. I am not unattractive... I know this. I could be with any man I choose. However she is younger than me, and a different race. Perhaps I just dont do it for him anymore? I dont know but its that kind of stuff that kills me inside. I love him and want him to be happy. She is a wonderful person and Ive grown fond of her as well. Why cant I feel better about this then? He is thoughtful and tries to spend alone time with me when I am free, she respects it and stays away. But its not enough. Im unhappy and feel insignificant in his life. I work and they don't. So I get feelings of being used but I know thats not the case. And what do I tell my kids? I know my 9 year old daughter has seen them interact and is curious why we all share a room. I simply have not addressed it yet. Its only been 2 months since she has moved in and in that time I feel like Ive become desperate for attention and Ive had fits of self loathing because I keep comparing myself with her to see why he loves her more than me. It'd break my heart to end it with Andrew but I know he would leave to help Sara if I asked her to go. And then where would she go? I care about what happens to her too? He sees its hurting me so now he is guarded with her in front of me and tries to lavish me with attention. But I see thats hurting her and him as well so I dont feel good about it. We sit and talk about our feelings but I can see it taking a toll on Andrew. No more laughing and smiles.. just attempts to stay busy so we dont have to talk about this yet again. She and I talk but I am slowly pulling away from them both. Almost taking myself out of the equation to sit back and watch if it is better that way. Im sad and cry often. Its like Ive lost the man I love to a wonderful woman and they have a newborn to complete thier family and I have to watch every detail and cant look away. He keeps reaching out to me but I'm so wrapped up in this jealousy I push him away. Im losing him because of my own emotional issues. What would you do? Any advice? Please help.
