Where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains

R

riggs

New member
Evenin' folks. Riggs here, from stormy Oklahoma.

Nobody referred me here, I just found it on a good ol' Google search.

Not really sure why I'm here. I'm not really actively looking for this sort of thing, I just feel like I need this sort of thing. My wife and I have a had a bit of a "relationship abroad". She has found BDSM is her extra that makes her happy outside of our marriage. This doesn't please me one bit, I completely disagree with everything BDSM... but I'm like 60 years old trapped in the body of a 30 year old. I was just raised old fashioned I guess. It took me nearly seven years to warm up to the idea of sharing my bed with her and another woman. Every husband's dream, right? Wasn't mine.

I feel like I need a connection of my own outside of marriage. Not because of a jealousy of what she has found, not as a justification to what she has found, mostly just a completion I guess? I really haven't the foggiest how to explain it. I'm not new to this, but I'm new to this. I guess that's why I'm here. To find out what I'm really doing here.
 
You've come to a good place!

You are here to broaden your horizons, open your mind, and to learn and explore !
 
Welcome, riggs. Glad you found us.

If you're looking for free advice, here's mine: (as an AARP-eligible body trapped in the mind of a 30 year old ;) )

Keep your thoughts on what you want for you, as you say in your intro post, not on what your wife may or may not be experiencing. You seem to be well on your way in that regard but I just mention it more as a cheerleader for this perspective. Talking openly about experiences can be a component, but is often not the key ingedient that keeps an open relationship healthy and alive. Many LTR partners are welcoming of others, but do not go into great detail with each other. Long term marriage is a relationship that by its very nature in today's world allows for the partners to have their differences. More and more people are coming to see that compatible shared sexual interests is just not a realistic expectation when the relationship lasts for several decades. It says good things about your open and accepting relationship that you each can set the other free to explore your individual desires. Personally, I think we would see more LTRs remain intact if there were more societal support for this perspective, but hey - let's be on the forefront of this changing tide.

Welcome and keep participating!
 
Hello and welcome!

Like your intro post, like your attitude. Feel free to read everything here that catches your interest and don't hesitate to participate in the conversations!
 
Greetings riggs,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I submit to you that the #1 ingredient in all healthy relationships is consent ... that is all the people involved are consenting ... and to consent each person must have a full knowledge of what they are consenting to. Does this concept help shed a different light on BDSM? I'd never want to try BDSM myself, it's not my cuppa, but gods bless those who like it; I even have a Fetlife account just to show support.

Now to explore the reasons why you're here! ;) Is polyamory something you want or need? What is it about poly that appeals to you? How much do you know about it? Do you know what it is? Why does it seem new to you?

I hope we can answer your questions here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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