Where to look for a triad/throuple realtionship?

Alexandrea

Alexandrea

New member
I’m 23 year old woman and I’m trying to put myself out there. I want to be in a committed relationship of MMF throuple I’m also into BDSM, the sub part (I’m also okay with bondage, I'm pretty sure), though I am demisexual, so it’s more like I like the command parts. But I’m very indifferent to sex, at least in the beginning. I grew up subconsciously kind of ignoring what I wanted since, I mean, everyone knows the south is pretty Christian.

I set a age base limit of 23-28 for myself. I thought about 29-30, but I’m just not sure.

I do like guys. I really tried to like women in a romantic way, but I’m not wired for it.

I am also happy to do long distance, as long as everyone is in the USA.

I don’t mind hierarchy. In fact, finding a bi guy couple already established looking for a third is fine by me. But I don’t want it to be a ‘fling’ thing. I would very much like to be married as a throuple, genuinely.

If anyone seeing this is asking “Do you want advice?” YES, I would like tips on how to search and where to look. I found one website they just took down in June last year and feeld had no one in my area, at even the max distance.

Important note, most people take me as a D, cause my height. I stand at 6 ft. I’m really not.

Um, please be nice. It kind of took a lot to find a site and even post this. A part of me knows this is the right step and the other part of me is slowly having a breakdown of addressing liking our true nature which we’ve ignored for a long while. (I’m also not Christian anymore.)
 
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Does your community have a big fetlife scene. I would imagine that might be the best place based on your criteria. Can you travel, using feeld while travelling might be fruitful.

So not a dom, sub, no bondage just the sadist part.. MMF, could be an interesting dynamic but something should pop on fet. Especially if you can find a vanilla couple, with one of those being a mascocist. That seems like a reasonable fit.

i will say the obvious, you are looking for a unicorn of a situation, they are out there but your options are hyper limited. :) doesnt mean it cant happen just patience and work to find.
 
No wait I’m okay with being a sub and bondage guess I should of been more clear but thanks for the advice maybe being clearer will help but yeah I’ll try not to get my hopes up to much.Actually thank you so much the word I was looking for is triad that’s what I want.Sorry I’m still trying to navigate this stuff.
 
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Alexandrea said:
No wait I’m okay with being a sub and bondage, I guess. I should of been more clear. But thanks for the advice. Maybe being clearer will help. But yeah I’ll try not to get my hopes up too much. Actually thank you so much-- the word I was looking for is triad. That’s what I want. Sorry, I’m still trying to navigate this stuff.
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You don't have to be in a triad with 2 bi guys to be polyamorous or to practice BDSM. You can date one guy, straight, bi, whatever, who is willing to be your Dominant. Then, when you're ready, go on and start trying to date another guy, unrelated to the first guy. If they eventually meet, through you, maybe they will be willing to be friendly with each other and co-top you, if that's what you want.

This is called a V. Even if the men don't meet and want to play with you simultaneously, and just want to play one-on-one, it would still be a V, and you would be the hinge.

I did meet a lot of bi guys when I was actively dating. Even if they listed themselves as straight on the dating apps, once they found out I was queer (I'm pansexual and non-binary) they admitted to being bi or bicurious. As long as you aren't grossed out by bi guys (lots of women are) they will be relieved to come out to you.

I joined dating sites when I was 53 and newly divorced, presenting as femme (mostly). I was swamped with men wanting to play with me, date me, etc. I was shocked to get hit on so much at my age. You, at 23, will have literally dozens of guys hitting on you every day if you join Fetlife. That app/website is full of kinksters, and the majority are young men.

Are you really living out in the boondocks somewhere? You might have to travel to the closest big city to find guys who are fully into BDSM. I live quite near Boston, so I had plenty of options. But there are lots of queers living in the closet in the south. You just have to find their closets and draw them out, discreetly.
 
Alexandrea said:
No wait I’m okay with being a sub and bondage guess I should of been more clear but thanks for the advice maybe being clearer will help but yeah I’ll try not to get my hopes up to much.Actually thank you so much the word I was looking for is triad that’s what I want.Sorry I’m still trying to navigate this stuff.
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Hey no worries. It helps to know the language.

Triad - so all 3 of you need to be into each other. 4 total relationships (1v1, 1v1, 1v1, all 3)
You are a sadist (enjoy giving pain) (masochist enjoys receiving pain... this M.. for ME.. cause me pain)
You are also a sub and enjoy tying or being tied

Top - Effectively someone likes being in charge, usually a titch physic, can be a dom but doesn't need to be.
Dom - mentally being in charge. Can be a top, but doesn't need to be. Doms also tend to be more intentional with scenes.
Bottom - You like to be topped, someone in control. Heavy bottom is someone who also likes pain
Sub - similar to bottom, but more mental than physical
M&S - master and slave (the extremes of the above, usually 247)
Sadist - you like to give pain
Masochist - you like to receive pain
Brat - a bottom/sub who likes to buck against the dominant sexual partners (these are the best), still a bottom but its earned

Fetlife will have these broken down into a gabillion labels. Pick what suits you and start posting in the right sub forums. Thats where you will get your best exposure.

I am a primal sadist top who likes to brat hunt.

In all cases, you can almost be all things, but most people lean one way or the other.

Language in kink is super important. Fetlife is the best site for that and you will quickly learn what you like. Learn the language, learn you kink and enjoy. At 6ft you will garner interest.
 
Magdlyn said:
You don't have to be in a triad with 2 bi guys to be polyamorous or to practice BDSM. You can date one guy, straight, bi, whatever, who is willing to be your Dominant. Then, when you're ready, go on and start trying to date another guy, unrelated to the first guy. If they eventually meet, through you, maybe they will be willing to be friendly with each other and co-top you, if that's what you want.

This is called a V. Even if the men don't meet and want to play with you simultaneously, and just want to play one-on-one, it would still be a V, and you would be the hinge.

I did meet a lot of bi guys when I was actively dating. Even if they listed themselves as straight on the dating apps, once they found out I was queer (I'm pansexual and non-binary) they admitted to being bi or bicurious. As long as you aren't grossed out by bi guys (lots of women are) they will be relieved to come out to you.

I joined dating sites when I was 53 and newly divorced, presenting as femme (mostly). I was swamped with men wanting to play with me, date me, etc. I was shocked to get hit on so much at my age. You, at 23, will have literally dozens of guys hitting on you every day if you join Fetlife. That app/website is full of kinksters, and the majority are young men.

Are you really living out in the boondocks somewhere? You might have to travel to the closest big city to find guys who are fully into BDSM. I live quite near Boston, so I had plenty of options. But there are lots of queers living in the closet in the south. You just have to find their closets and draw them out, discreetly.
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Wow thank you so much that gives a lot of insight I haven’t tried fetlife yet ,but I will give it a shot for sure and it’s nice to know someone has also went through what I’m going through I feel a little more confident now,thank you
 
Ariakas said:
Hey no worries. It helps to know the language.

Triad - so all 3 of you need to be into each other. 4 total relationships (1v1, 1v1, 1v1, all 3)
You are a sadist (enjoy giving pain) (masocist enjoys receiving pain... this M.. for ME.. cause me pain)
You are also a sub and enjoy tying or being tied

Top - Effectively someone likes being in charge, usually a titch physic, can be a dom but doesnt need to be.
Dom - mentally being in charge. Can be a top, but doesn't need to be. Doms also tend to be more intentional with scenes.
Bottom - You like to be topped, someone in control. Heavy bottom is someone who also likes pain
Sub - similar to bottom, but more mental than physical
M&S - master and slave (the extremes of the above, usually 247)
Sadist - you like to give pain
Mascocist - you like to receive pain
Brat - a bottom/sub who likes to buck against the dominant sexual partners (these are the best), still a bottom but its earned

Fetlife will have these broken down into a gabillion labels. Pick what suits you and start posting in the right sub forums. Thats where you will get your best exposure.

I am a primal sadist top who likes to brat hunt.

In all cases, you can almost be all things, but most people lean one way or the other.

Language in kink is super important. Fetlife is the best site for that and you will quickly learn what you like. Learn the language, learn you kink and enjoy. At 6ft you will garner interest.
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Thank you that definitely helps convey my wants more clearly without confusion and a triad is definitely my end goal if it’s possible but maybe I’ll try v’s? I’ll try to figure it out as I go
 
ref2018 said:
Okay, FTFY, but what does "titch" stand for in this context?
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Small. (british thing)

Tops can be a bit physical. Sadistic tops are a LOT physical. haha

I know dom's where they aren't ever physical, its the mind bender game for them. Heck, no sex.. which my brain cant comprehend.
 
Hello Alexandrea,

It sounds like you are having a rough time trying to find people to date. I don't know what to advise, although I do believe getting out there and meeting people in person works better than dating sites/apps. I hope your luck improves!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Alexandrea,

It sounds like you are having a rough time trying to find people to date. I don't know what to advise, although I do believe getting out there and meeting people in person works better than dating sites/apps. I hope your luck improves!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Thanks, Kevin. I think dating apps are a little better for me, though Atl is a bit much sometimes, and people are definitely more into sex part instead of the Dom part, I guess, but maybe where I’ll try in person, if I find somewhere to look? Idk how I feel about going into the clubs idk yet. imma try to take it slow. I’m just gathering info and maybe I’ll deep into Fetlife a little just to see what's out there.
 
It's probably smart to try both apps/sites and getting out there in person. You might want to look for local poly groups, google "Georgia polyamory" and/or "polyamory" with the name of the major city closest to you. Good luck!
 
Atlanta polyamory has a website and a Facebook group!
 
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