Why polyamory is not a sin

[Isaiah990]

Many of the arguments Christians use to say polyamory is sinful are not based on the Bible. In this post, I'll explain why.

One of the most common arguments is Adam and Eve. Christians try to use Adam and Eve as a prototype for how all marriages should be. The problem is the ancient Hebrews did not interpret the story of Adam and Eve in this manner. I'll give proof later.

This is what YHWH told David after he cheated on his wives with Bathsheba.

1 Sam. 12:8 "8 I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!"

This is clear proof polygamy is not a sin, but actually supported. If polygamy was a sin, YHWH would've never gave David multiple wives. Some Christians try to argue polygamy is a sin because it's adultery. This argument is invalid because there's a clear distinction between adultery and polygamy. Adultery is taking someone else's spouse without an agreement. That's not how polyamory works.

 

[kdt26417]

Polyamory is absolutely not a sin, the Bible proves it. In adultery, one spouse cheats on the other spouse without telling the other spouse, or at least without the other spouse's consent. In polyamory, all of the participants have full knowledge and consent. This consent is the key component that makes poly not a sin.

Have you heard of Lilith, Adam's first wife? Adam was actually married twice, Eve was his second wife.

 

[Isaiah990]

Polyamory is absolutely not a sin, the Bible proves it. In adultery, one spouse cheats on the other spouse without telling the other spouse, or at least without the other spouse's consent. In polyamory, all of the participants have full knowledge and consent. This consent is the key component that makes poly not a sin.

Have you heard of Lilith, Adam's first wife? Adam was actually married twice, Eve was his second wife.

Right, passages like Deut. 15 give laws regarding multiple spouses.

I heard of Lilith. It's a Jewish folk tale.

 

[kdt26417]

Unlike Eve, who was made from one of Adam's ribs, and who agreed to be subservient to Adam, Lilith was made from the same clay as Adam, as his equal, and she refused to be obedient to Adam which is why she was ejected from the Garden of Eden. In other words, Lilith was a very modern woman, she was a feminist's woman, and the authors of the Bible chose to leave her out, they chose to set Adam along another path, the path of the Patriarchy. People have tried to literally demonize Lilith, but the original story did not demonize her at all. And in the meantime, Adam had two wives.

 

[Magdlyn]

Kevin, you are correct about Lilith. She may not be biblical canon, but she's way way more than a "folk tale" character to be lightly dismissed. She represents the patriarchy's fear of the power of women and the discomfort men feel about the hold women have over them because of their (hers and his) sexualities.

Isaiah, I find your take on polygyny naive. The Bible is certainly in favor of polygyny (1 man, 2 or more women in marriage). That almost goes without saying. The problem is that women could only have one husband, and certainly could not have male concubines. There was no polyandry. Women who had sex with a man other than their legal husband were considered adulteresses, and those men were thought of as illegally robbing her husband of his possession, his wife.

The Bible is a huge great tool of the patriarchy. Prior to the rise of YHWHism, female goddesses ruled in Canaan, including amongst the Hebrews. Sexuality was sacred, and there were female (and male) sex workers in the temples who represented divine beings, and had intercourse with worshipers in order to honor goddesses such as Asherah, Astarte and Inanna. There were also feast days where everyone could participate in orgies, if they wanted to.

Rather than reading about David, you'd do well to read the Song of Songs, which is a pre-Yahwistic tale. (It was definitely written by someone other than Solomon.) Although it represents one man and one woman, they have sex outside under trees, on a green bed, as the worshipers of Asherah did before the Yahwists destroyed her altars under every green tree and on every high place.

 

[Clari]

I first started to question what I was being taught at Bible college when I was in my 1&2 Samuel class and the teacher kept saying that polygamy is a sin. I raised my hand and asked where in the Bible it said that specifically. He didn’t have an answer so he said he would ask the director of the Bible college and get back to me. So next class I raised my hand again and asked if he had an answer. He said flatly, “There is no where in the Bible that it says polygamy is a sin but it is not recommended because it can detract from a persons focus on God.” And then he said, “It’s also currently illegal in this country and God calls us to follow the laws of the land.” And he changed the topic.

That moment is when I realized modern Christian teaching is bullsh*t and it’s just a bunch of dudes telling each other falsehoods and I divorced my husband, left the Bible college and church and then started dating women.

 

[Isaiah990]

I first started to question what I was being taught at Bible college when I was in my 1&2 Samuel class and the teacher kept saying that polygamy is a sin. I raised my hand and asked where in the Bible it said that specifically. He didn’t have an answer so he said he would ask the director of the Bible college and get back to me. So next class I raised my hand again and asked if he had an answer. He said flatly, “There is no where in the Bible that it says polygamy is a sin but it is not recommended because it can detract from a persons focus on God.” And then he said, “It’s also currently illegal in this country and God calls us to follow the laws of the land.” And he changed the topic.

That moment is when I realized modern Christian teaching is bullsh*t and it’s just a bunch of dudes telling each other falsehoods and I divorced my husband, left the Bible college and church and then started dating women.

Same, I wondered that too. I asked "If polygamy was a sin, what about people like David and Solomon? They had multiple wives." Christians said "well Deut. 17:17 says it wasn't recommended." I thought "What about Abraham, Lot, and Jacob? They weren't kings, but had multiple wives. This verse can't apply to people like them. No Hebrew who followed YHWH were punished for having multiple wives."

Christians argue "YHWH created Adam and Eve...Gen. 2:24 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh..."

The problem is this passage was not used by ancient Hebrews as a standard for all people. The other issue is this verse wasn't saying "a man can become one flesh with ONLY one wife.." YHWH is one, but made of THREE people.

I looked at the New Testament and while Paul does say every man should have his own wife, it's not because polygamy was a sin. Rome forbade citizens and non-citizens to have multiple spouses. The only people who could were the elites. First century Christians wouldn't be able to have multiple spouses anyway.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized modern Christians were trying to insert their own modern biased views on monogamy and hate of non-monogamy into the Scriptures.

 

[Isaiah990]

Isaiah, I find your take on polygyny naive. The Bible is certainly in favor of polygyny (1 man, 2 or more women in marriage). That almost goes without saying. The problem is that women could only have one husband, and certainly could not have male concubines. There was no polyandry. Women who had sex with a man other than their legal husband were considered adulteresses, and those men were thought of as illegally robbing her husband of his possession, his wife.

The Bible doesn't really mention polyandry because that was not the cultural norm at the time. Patriarchy was prevalent in the ancient world, but that doesn't mean the Bible condemned polyandry as sinful. Even if there are commandments from the Torah forbidding polyandry, they're not applicable to believers today.

 

[Magdlyn]

The Bible doesn't really mention polyandry because that was not the cultural norm at the time. Patriarchy was prevalent in the ancient world, but that doesn't mean the Bible condemned polyandry as sinful.

It did, though. God said Eve was to only have desire for her husband. Period. That's right in the first book, Genesis.

Even if there are commandments from the Torah forbidding polyandry, they're not applicable to believers today.

That's whole different topic. Different Jewish sects interpret the Tanakh differently. And then there are hundreds of Christian sects with their own take on things.

 

[Isaiah990]

It did, though. God said Eve was to only have desire for her husband. Period. That's right in the first book, Genesis.

That's whole different topic. Different Jewish sects interpret the Tanakh differently. And then there are hundreds of Christian sects with their own take on things.

Except that's not what Gen. says. Gen. 3:6-16 gives the consequences of Adam and Eve's disobedience. They were not commandments. Verse 16 says

“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you shall deliver children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

 

[Magdlyn]

I think you are nitpicking. Sin means to miss the mark. Disobeying God would be missing the mark, not doing what He says. Therefore, the writers of the Bible meant to show that God demanded women be sexually faithful to their husband alone, or suffer the consequences. Later, in Leviticus, a more specific definition of adultery was spelled out and punishment was mandated.

Of course, the entire Bible was written by men, not God.