Thanks for the support and insights. Much appreciated!
OK, I'm kind of curious as to what happened between 4 pm "I'm willing to wait for years." and 6:30 "It's over."
Has anything really changed other than your perspective? Or did you come into new information that significantly alters the actual situation?
Don't know if I'd count this as new information so much as perspective change.
What happened was I went for a meal with my wife. She hasn't wanted to see me in person since she was worried I'd try to talk her out of it. That was exactly what I tried to when she first told me she was leaving, so fair enough. When we began discussing things she started with expressing how she couldn't cope with being with me if I was seeing other women at the same time. She just wasn't poly, etc. I asked if she thought she could ever adapt to it. She was adamant she could not. I know I don't want to go back to mono now. I've made that decision. She was positive about that.
She said I never gave in to her. I said she never gave in to me. (Neither of these things are as absolute as that makes them sound. We have done a good job of finding compromises and trying to support each other in ways that have been considerably self-sacrificing. If anything, we've been too good at that, which led us to an unhappy place because we're both highly independent in spirit. Nowadays we want a lot of different things, too, adding to the sense of holding each other back). Suddenly we were talking about our past and, yeah, the kind of qualities that attracted us to each other have also caused problems for us. I could see it. That further made me feel I had to let her go and so lose her.
So, yes, we're going to separate. Same basic idea as before. No divorce or separation agreement until we're good and ready. (I am looking into it to be prepared, however.)
The next couple weeks should be interesting because she wants to spend more time at our house because her new guy will be working long hours and she won't be working herself. I've barely seen her for weeks so this will be quite a change. His place hasn't got much to entertain her alone or is practical for getting things done, apparently. She also said she's not sure she's allowed to stay when he's not there. I didn't comment but that struck me as a very weird thing to say. She's planning to leave me for him and they have long term plans together but she isn't certain she can stay at his place when he's not there? Its bugging the hell out of me. My guess is she inflated some insecurities or doubts she has. I can't imagine her accepting that situation if it was true.
