Wife,Wifee' and Me-----law and discrimination

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PursuitHappiness

New member
Hello,
So I will ad to this as I go I'm really tired but I'm hurt and stressed.

1. the courts separated us 2 weeks and two days about us coming out about our relationship. My wife is on Probation, and I'm misdemeanor probation. At first she was cleared to live her. Then the day came an "anonymous" tip came through. It never existed; her probation officer was talking to mine. Her probation officer told her she was not allowed in a "twisted relationship" He made her move out under "domestic violence" I was screw by the courts 3 years ago; her ex boyfriend made her push that narrative. Well she did a sworen affidavit that she was made to do it under threat of violcenc. He has two prior convictions of beating her in the sickess ways. I cannot even describe it. I never seen pure evil. Well anyways the prosection ignored that, ignored the record that the judge said on file.

We had a daughter that is great. I gave her a sudafed. it was such a low screen another court would never looked at it. Even family court that involves her ex (he is away for 6) said it wouldn't hold up. The other court did. she was told by her probation officer that I was not allowed to sign the birthcert. The put her in jail she was taken off her meds and even her vitamins. The doctor explictly said do not take her off as it can cause sever problems with the unborn child and mother. Well they did and our daughter was born a month early with a heart problem and was in NICU for two weeks then back to there again for a week.

Women's inpatient rehab with children
ex defacto divorce. it's divorce by the state to keep us apart till we fall apart it has been since decemeber since we had any intimante contact. The house she stays in is open....9 to 12 months she is 6-7 in but all of a sudden she is acting like she doesn't want either of us. my Wifee' got pregant at the wrong time. she could not concieve for 5 years. it was the birthcontrol crap.she is good now. Our wife is upset because she isn't apart of it, and we agree to take the proper precautions...we all have say and we agreed. well we did not take the proper ones and she is so heart brioken. Do we give her time or what we see her one time for 3 1/2 it's hard. the courts really did us wrong they want me to go to a program that I cant' its domestic....I was never that person and I was not treat well as a kid. I ptsd dont know why....I am so against it I cannot witness it or I go in rage to protect any woman.

So what does anyone sugest please need help. We want the child but want her here...between a fucked spot and a fucked spot!

:confused::confused::confused::confused:
 
I am not sure I understand the timeline on all of this, but my advice is to let your wife have the time she needs to think about what she wants to do. Pressuring her or pushing yourself on her to further explain the situation probably won't go well. For you personally, do what the courts want you to do, or you could have issues that tear apart you and your wifee - if you are non-compliant with your classes and then issues arise - you could look really bad. Also, it could come into play later with seeing your already-existing daughter.

This really seems like a lot of drama. The adults in this situation need to minimize drama and get their lives together, quick.
 
I am sorry you struggle. :(

I hope writing helped you feel at least a bit better.

I think you could talk to a counselor to give your professional support through this. And take things one day at a time. If that's still too overwhelming? Go with one hour at a time. As you heal, you can start to think 2 days at a time, a week at a time, etc.

But right now with the PTSD and the super huge stress? I strongly encourage you to talk to a counselor. Breathe. Hang in there. Put one foot in front of the other.

Galagirl
 
Hi PursuitHappiness,

I had some trouble following your narrative, but I get the idea the courts are really throwing the book at you. You need two professionals -- a counselor and a lawyer. Somebody on your side that knows and understands the law. And somebody who can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

I'm really sorry you're going through all this.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
update and question

First thank you for you comments I know the narrative has been a little all over the place; it is how my life is going. I we all have been standing tall, although the relationship is starting to suffer. I believe it is the courts objective because I have observed their procedures. I'm no lawyer, but I have a degree in criminal justice and minor in psychology. CPL laws have been broken, her probation officer crossed the line by say he will not allow her to "be in a sick and twisted relationship". I wish we never came out about it. We live in a small town and most people are hey whatever makes you happy, but then their all the people with dumb comments.

So my wifee' accidentally got pregnant and my wife who is 3 hours away who lost her child, our daughter was place back home with us and this weekend the rehab said she can come back. We all have endured a lot, and I mean to the extent of a mental breakdown. My wife is not very happy with our wifee' and I because we did not use precautionary measures to ensure she did not get pregnant until she was home; she feels hurt, betrayed and that we did not care enough about her input. We did promise we were being very cautious; well a few times we were not and bam! None of use are for taking the "pills" and all the we have gone through has taken a toll. I am struggling very badly; I work all the time to support us. The house is full of last summer's memories, and it this summer it feels empty and we are disconnected. My wife is very upset and we do not know what to do. Financially it's going to make me have to work every day all day. I do not sleep much anymore and tonight I think is the first time I have actually ate a meal in over a week. it's been a sandwich a day. I just feel that our family is on the verge, and If anyone has any imput on the our wifee' being pregnant, our financial:confused: strain, and our relationship please advice is welcome!

I also have traumatic brain damage, and global amnesia. They have no test for CTE, although I have to go yearly for tests. I'm 30 and it sucks not knowing if I have progressive brain disease or its just damage. I do know stress can accelerate the progression. I need to reduce my stress. I'm losing my mind, the office looks like shit and shit is falling apart. I just want to keep our family together and not let the court do what the intended on doing. I hired a lawyer and I'm using my business credit; basically going to bankrupt myself to fight for my family. Money isn't anything but paper. I realized that when my mom died last october at 53. She was rich just not in money and loved just helping people. Anyways it's time for a nap before another day of sun up to sundown work......I say it's like a car how long can you hold the pedal in the red before she blows. RED LINE
 
I take it abortion is not an option? or adoption? I'm sorry to mention it but I am just observing you are already tapped out with no money, not enough sleep, and no solid meals. The situation will only get worse once a newborn enters the picture.
 
Some states will remove an infant at birth of there are already ongoing questions about the safety of the parents. If you are not interested in abortion, or making an adoption plan, then I would advise you - and everyone else in the home - to follow exactly what the case plan is with CPS and the court system.
 
Reply

Hello,
So we do not believe in abortion although it's kind of an option we are discussing although it's against our christian religion. CPS is not involved really our home is and has been deemed safe and a good environment; they are actually testifying on my behalf in court too. Mainly my wife who is in impatient rehab and her ex relationship were how CPS got involved.

So tomorrow is our visitation day with her and our kids; we are going to talk all three of us while the kids play. She does not want lose her son (we say our son) so I have a paid attorney looking at these cases. That is main source of money that is going out. I have to do what I have to do. I love my family dearly and we are all equals. We are having a struggle I am hoping and praying to over come this bump in the road. We have already been a year and a half strong even with the courts/probation doing their best; most people are telling me to lay down. I did and gave it to God. I believe God gave it back to me as a sign to stand firm. To say no you are wrong; what happens to the next triad couple if no one stands? DOMA was struck down and the government cannot define marriage. So hence they are breaking the rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

It takes one person to make a change, and if any of you have faced this how has your experience been with the law, family or friends? I just want to know others experience. We are a committed triad and there is not judgement here. I know there are many forms of relationships. I would love to hear peoples experience and thoughts.
 
I am in a closed V, MFM. We are basically in the closet about our polyamorous arrangement, so there's nothing for the government to sink its hooks into. Although I would actually want to be out, but my two companions wouldn't want that.
 
I guess I am still confused - the way you worded things, it sounded like you were NOT a committed triad, as your wife was wanting to leave due to your girlfriend getting pregnant. So she is your wife's girlfriend as well?

As far as my Y shape, we keep everything on the up and up and our heads down. My 2nd husband and I did as much as we could through legal paperwork in our state without me becoming a bigamist, to make sure he was covered if there were ever medical issues and to be on the same page when it comes to retirement and inheritance laws. We are out and proud with friends, family - everyone, but we aren't looking to fight any public battles in court either. We don't have any young children though, and honestly, I would definitely not want to risk that if I did. I am confused, however, as you're not suing to marry your girlfriend, right? Or did you file suit against the probation officer? What change are you fighting for exactly??
 
update

Hello all,
So my legal wife is in intensive rehab, my Wiffee' and I are home. Yes they are together we live together. My kids are 7-9-4 months. My kids are actually happy with the arrangement. It is mainly because my wife has missed out on so much things since she was sent away in last December. She doesn't want to miss it, and wanted us to take precautions till she was home. We respect each others communications, we never read personal letters, they go out on dates we all have time alone and time together. It is a really happy family. My legal wife 3 years ago tried to salvage a relationship with her ex abusive boyfriend. I admit when I unexpectedly found out (while out with my cousins having drinks) I went to go talk to her and found his car their. Well I smashed his windshield and side window. I since quit drinking and attend A.A. 08/15 was my date I started going. Well he had her push a family offense petition against me. It drug me in to domestic violence court. Although the Judge deemed me not an offender. A new judge took over and is trying to put me in the classes, monthly court and before his dumb ass knew we were married he was sending her 3 hours away. She even did a sworn affidavit that said she was forced to do that to me and she has advocated for me and 20 other people have signed a petition who have personally known me for 3 years plus some have known me my whole life. I am standing firm against them. the did break CPL laws; I was a week away from being a cop and have a degree, and minor in psychology. I know damn well that they are breaking the law. The are using this to keep us separated and statistics show up to 48 percent of men who come out about a relationship like this are labeled a domestic violence offender. It is really a load of crap! In A.A your taught to be honest. I was honest. Now look where we are. Actually all of us are going to see her today :) I drive this every weekend our commitment is solid. There is up and downs as I have read on here; communication, and that we are equals in our own eyes is what matters not so much a piece of paper.

All enjoy the day!
 
Sounds like your first/legal/lawful wife is living three hours away from you right now. Does she want it to be like this? I'm confused.
 
With a degree under your belt you must be able to write more clearly than you have been. I suspect that if you take a deep breath and edit your posts before hitting Submit you'll have a lot more chance of getting useful advice or commiseration. As it is, we're 12 posts into the thread and I really don't have a clear picture of what the problem is.

It's entirely up to you, of course, but as it is you're getting a lot of "I'm confused" replies, and there's a reason for that.
 
PursuitHappiness,

Traumatic brain injury can make writing things out clearly very difficult. I'm sorry. That must be very scary.

A forum may not be the most helpful place for that reason. On the other hand, if you need to vent you can certainly do that here. In the 'Lifestories' area, you can write a blog. This area is for people to vent and talk about what's going on in their lives. It's not for feedback. It doesn't matter there if we are confused - you get to write what you want.

Do you have a therapist or counselor to talk about this very complicated situation? That might be more directly helpful to you.
 
Yeah, I, too, was thinking that the brain injury might be the explanation for the confusing writing style.
 
Oh, I'd missed the bit about a brain injury.

PursuitHappiness, I'm sorry for the ableist assumptions in my previous post and apologise for any discomfort or offence I have caused you. I'll try to do better in future.
 
Reply

Hello,
I usually type when I am tired. When it pertains to law, and psychology I am on point and proof read things over and over. This issue is so complex most people cannot understand it unless they read the black and white. I have retained a lawyer, and have grounds to sue civilly, and have my convictions wiped clean. I will do better at being grammatically correct.

Thank you for the constructive criticism, and no offense taken. I regret coming out now. I thought honesty was the best route since DOMA was struck down.

Thanks to all.
 
reply

opalescent said:
PursuitHappiness,

Traumatic brain injury can make writing things out clearly very difficult. I'm sorry. That must be very scary.

A forum may not be the most helpful place for that reason. On the other hand, if you need to vent you can certainly do that here. In the 'Lifestories' area, you can write a blog. This area is for people to vent and talk about what's going on in their lives. It's not for feedback. It doesn't matter there if we are confused - you get to write what you want.

Do you have a therapist or counselor to talk about this very complicated situation? That might be more directly helpful to you.
Click to expand...

I have a neurologist, and many professionals. I am 30 and I have mild dyslexia and tremors like parkinson disease. Among other issues, and I do have a degree, although symptoms have become worse. I only hope it is not degenerate. I am praying. I am looking in to clinical trials. Meds are band aids. Live 24 hours at a time and life on life's terms.
 
Glad you're still with us, PursuitHappiness. Sounds like you're doing your best under difficult circumstances.
 
reply to all

Hello,
I may be in the wrong thread lol I do want to thank everyone for their support; it is crazy how people are discriminated because three people are in love. The court system (or judge) wants to now move my wife to half way house after for another six to eight months 4 hours away. This is insane and why is this happening to us. I wish I would have never said anything about our relationship. I live near a town that is one of the most LGBT town, I have two "wives" and I am not looking for anyone else. It is down right discrimination. I retained counsel today, it's going to possibly kill my whole business to bankrupt and cost around ten thousand dollars. It may equal out because we have a civil lawsuit for many violations of our rights. Lawyer said we have two solid cases. I think we should stand up. If this goes to the appellate court, and I win great. If I lose I want to take it to the supreme court. Government cannot define a relationship.

I want to sincerely thank all that has responded; knowing people who are in the same relationships that may differ but who cares its our lives our happiness!
 
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