Working out of town

[cn206828]

Hi! My spouse and I are new to this lifestyle. He travels for work and is sometimes out of town for 3-4 weeks at a time. We decided to-- at the time we called it opening our relationship. He has met someone and cares for her. I’ve met her and we’ve all hung out and even went on a vacation together. We all got along great and enjoyed the vacation. I genuinely like her and consider her a friend.

I do struggle at seeing how well they interact together sometimes. Because of this, I told my husband I have no issues with their relationship, but would rather it be when he’s out of town and has the opportunity to visit with her. Granted, there will be very little opportunity for the 3 of us to hang out anyway.

Am I wrong asking that of him? Please be kind…we are very new and still learning.

 

[MeeraReed]

This sounds fine! Many people prefer "parallel poly," where the two metamours don't really interact much with each other, and each see their shared partner separately.

"Kitchen table poly," on the other hand, would involve group hangouts and you and your metamour spending time together as friends.

I personally don't have any interest in kitchen table poly.

 

[SlowPoly]

You can ask for anything you want! You might get a “no” if what you’re asking doesn’t sound good to your husband. Are you okay with that?

Some things you might want to consider:

(1) Will asking for this significantly reduce the amount of time they spend together? If so, expect resistance.

(2) Is there a less restrictive request that would give you the space you need? For instance, asking that they not date at your home, and not invite you along on outings?

(3) Could you ask him to do this for a period of time while you work on your discomfort, and pick a specific date for follow-up to see how it’s working for you and them?

(4) If you leave the request as is, will you accept that he might travel to see her in between work trips?

I guess maybe you’ve already asked (“I told my husband…”), so how did that go?

 

[kdt26417]

Hello cn206828,

I think you just want a parallel poly arrangement, and does your husband want KTP? There is nothing wrong with what you want, I am just checking to see whether your husband wants something different. If not, if he does not mind parallel poly, by all means put that style of poly into practice.

I hope you and your husband can work this out.
Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[cn206828]

Hello cn206828,

I think you just want a parallel poly arrangement, and does your husband want KTP? There is nothing wrong with what you want, I am just checking to see whether your husband wants something different. If not, if he does not mind parallel poly, by all means put that style of poly into practice.

I hope you and your husband can work this out.
Regards,
Kevin T.

I feel I’m more parallel poly with a dash of ktp. Never knew those terms lol. I think what confused him was we were all hanging out so it threw him. Thank you for the reply

 

[cn206828]

This sounds fine! Many people prefer "parallel poly," where the two metamours don't really interact much with each other, and each see their shared partner separately.

"Kitchen table poly," on the other hand, would involve group hangouts and you and your metamour spending time together as friends.

I personally don't have any interest in kitchen table poly.

Thank you for your reply. It really put everything into perspective.

 

[Magdlyn]

For much more info about polyamory, besides reading around this board (you can search specific terms/topics if you want), get a hold of copies of some good books on the subject, such as Opening Up, Designer Relationships, Polysecure.