Would this be appropriate?

[FallenAngelina]

The idea of meeting self identified poly people sound great in theory, although in actual life I imagine it would be a crowd of in the closet don't tell my husband I am doing this-type of people. The beuty of internet is that anyone can lie, or hide their confution. At least people you meet live you can use all your senses to see where they are at. Perhaps it could work if he was looking internationally, but I think at least here you risk meeting just shady people.

You gotta get outta the house more, babe. There's a poly community in every major city in the US and many of these people are online. In New York, Seattle, San Francisco poly is getting to be ho-hum, it's so known. You kind of have a comic book version going in your head about what meeting online is like, not just for poly dating but for dating in general.

 

[tenK]

You gotta get outta the house more, babe. There's a poly community in every major city in the US and many of these people are online. In New York, Seattle, San Francisco poly is getting to be ho-hum, it's so known.

Not everyone lives in the USA. The levels of cultural awareness of non-monogamy, ethical or otherwise, varies dramatically depending on where you are.

 

[FallenAngelina]

Not everyone lives in the USA. The levels of cultural awareness of non-monogamy, ethical or otherwise, varies dramatically depending on where you are.

Yes, I understand that. I was just illuminating that her imagination of online dating might not necessarily reflect the reality. I'm sure even in Norway, average everyday folks are on dating websites, not just dishonest creeps. The numbers of poly friendly people might be lower, but that doesn't mean that the people online have crappier ethics than people who are not online.

 

[Norwegianpoly]

You gotta get outta the house more, babe. There's a poly community in every major city in the US and many of these people are online. In New York, Seattle, San Francisco poly is getting to be ho-hum, it's so known. You kind of have a comic book version going in your head about what meeting online is like, not just for poly dating but for dating in general.

I don't mean to insult you, but I am Norwegian, living in Norway. Apart from the student and gay communities, me and my friends ARE the Norwegian poly community.

 

[Magdlyn]

I don't mean to insult you, but I am Norwegian, living in Norway. Apart from the student and gay communities, me and my friends ARE the Norwegian poly community.

I don't know how big Norway is, but most European states are the size of a US state. I sure don't know every poly person in Massachusetts, not by a long shot! Are you sure you know every poly person in Norway, and none of them are using dating sites?

By the way, just a shout out for OK Cupid, very poly and queer friendly dating site. Lots of non USA people on it as well. God knows men from Saudi and India message me every day lol

 

[IndieSolo]

I don't mean to insult you, but I am Norwegian, living in Norway. Apart from the student and gay communities, me and my friends ARE the Norwegian poly community.

And the OP looking for advice in this thread is in Scotland. So, I don't think there is much relevance in telling him that you only meet shady people online, just because that's your opinion of what's available online in Norway.

 

[Norwegianpoly]

Yes, I understand that. I was just illuminating that her imagination of online dating might not necessarily reflect the reality. I'm sure even in Norway, average everyday folks are on dating websites, not just dishonest creeps. The numbers of poly friendly people might be lower, but that doesn't mean that the people online have crappier ethics than people who are not online.

I am not saying everyone online are creeps, I am saying I don't have faith in it as a source of poly dating for us. It is hard enough to explain it in person.

 

[Norwegianpoly]

I don't know how big Norway is, but most European states are the size of a US state. I sure don't know every poly person in Massachusetts, not by a long shot! Are you sure you know every poly person in Norway, and none of them are using dating sites?

Several European states are smaller than a US state. We have a population of 5 million people, spread thinly accross the land. Of course I don't know every poly-friendly person in Norway, but my experience is that the ones who date outside of our community -with a few outstanding exeptions - are not really aware of important poly issues, like communication. I have met peope who have dated poly for ten years and still are interested in finding answers to basic poly questions, which tells me it is not good to just let people ponger about this on their own. There are some sort of poly-friendly national dating sites, but they tend to be overtly sexual and to focus on pleasure more than commitment. I know the people who are involved in running them and they are nice people, exept it is not my cup of tea-

 

[Norwegianpoly]

And the OP looking for advice in this thread is in Scotland. So, I don't think there is much relevance in telling him that you only meet shady people online, just because that's your opinion of what's available online in Norway.

It was not an answer to OP, it was an answer to the "you need to get out more" input. I am co-running the Norwegian national poly chapter, incluing I had monthly poly meeting in my city for years (and some meetings in the capital), I hardly stay indoors and do nothing. I also made myself aware about poly resaurces in Turkey, I met a woman who said that among students in Ankara there is a small community. If the OP wants to date online, I wish good luck on that journey.

 

[Norwegianpoly]

Yes, I understand that. I was just illuminating that her imagination of online dating might not necessarily reflect the reality. I'm sure even in Norway, average everyday folks are on dating websites, not just dishonest creeps. The numbers of poly friendly people might be lower, but that doesn't mean that the people online have crappier ethics than people who are not online.

Average everyday folks are usually not poly. It is not a matter of having crappier ethics, it is just a way of life that is relly hard to explain to people. Even in BDSM communities, the idea of a fuckbuddy is just commonplace but to love two or more people is really strange and unheard of. The ones I know who have success dating poly online are the ones who mainly look for sex. Everybody is looking for an adventure, few are looking to change their lives.

 

[Magdlyn]

Average everyday folks are usually not poly.

Excuse me, I am an average everyday person and I am poly. So are all the people on this site, many of whom use online dating to meet poly friends and lovers.

I am sorry though, if all the people that use online "dating" sites in Norway are either sex crazed freaks who don't want love, ever, but just sordid and promiscuous one night stands; or only looking for hetero-marriage. Seems hard to believe there would be those 2 extremes and nothing else. I thought the Scandinavian countries were supposed to be progressive. But perhaps I have been ill-informed.

 

[FallenAngelina]

I am not saying everyone online are creeps, I am saying I don't have faith in it as a source of poly dating for us. It is hard enough to explain it in person.

The ones I know who have success dating poly online are the ones who mainly look for sex. Everybody is looking for an adventure, few are looking to change their lives.

You keep arguing for your limitations, NP. You have a view of "how things are" and "how people are" and because of that, you'll keep running into people and situations that confirm your perception that for whatever reason, it's near impossible to find people who are open to poly. The beauty of connecting online is that you can get a view into people that isn't available by just walking around and meeting in person. Lots of "everyday people" who are open to poly relationships would indicate this online but would never come to a poly meeting or talk about this openly in a casual public setting. I'm one of those people and there are thousands like me. When I search Oslo on OKCupid using a few poly indicators, I get some (what I would consider) very promising search results.

...it was an answer to the "you need to get out more" input. I am co-running the Norwegian national poly chapter, incluing I had monthly poly meeting in my city for years (and some meetings in the capital), I hardly stay indoors and do nothing. ....

Sorry, I used "you need to get out of the house more" as a figure of speech, meaning that you could broaden your assumptions of what is possible, i.e. meeting cool and wonderful people online. I didn't mean to insinuate that you actually do nothing outside of your home.

 

[Norwegianpoly]

Excuse me, I am an average everyday person and I am poly. So are all the people on this site, many of whom use online dating to meet poly friends and lovers.

I am sorry though, if all the people that use online "dating" sites in Norway are either sex crazed freaks who don't want love, ever, but just sordid and promiscuous one night stands; or only looking for hetero-marriage. Seems hard to believe there would be those 2 extremes and nothing else. I thought the Scandinavian countries were supposed to be progressive. But perhaps I have been ill-informed.

I am not talking about:
- polys who are online
- people on dating sites in general

I am talking about that since very few people know what poly is, they tend to interpret it as some kind of sex scheme. Which is not bad, simply something else than what we are looking for.