YouAreHere is... where? (Or, "This Road Map Still Sucks...") - Blog, Part II

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Wow, that's wonderful and beautiful. I'm so glad he wants to know you and is telling you his stories.

I found and met mine when I was quite young but it was still fascinating searching for resemblances. Turns out there was a rose mark on my forehead that comes from his side!
When I was little, my grandmother made me promise never to ask about him, so naive little me didn't. At least until I was planning to have kids and asked my mom about him so I could ask about medical history. She gave me his name but said he was adopted and may not know, so I didn't bother pursuing it.

A couple DNA tests (and a couple decades) later, and I found him anyway! I guess he grew up in an orphanage, but not because he was an orphan - his mother suffered from epilepsy, and they drifted to different homes (even relatives' homes) from time to time, as well as leaving him and his sister at orphanages while his mom was checked in to the asylum.

With all the crap surrounding medicine and insurance nowadays, I'm still glad we now have other options.

Anyway, he grew up not really giving a rat's ass about his family because they let them go off to the orphanage, while his sister went the other way and pretty much idolized them. They sound like polar opposites. It's funny how the same upbringing impacts people differently...
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
When I was little, my grandmother made me promise never to ask about him, so naive little me didn't. At least until I was planning to have kids and asked my mom about him so I could ask about medical history. She gave me his name but said he was adopted and may not know, so I didn't bother pursuing it.
I have a weird backstory where I was raised by my paternal grandmother and her husband, who was NOT my paternal grandfather... she refused to explain to me or even her son what the actual story was before she died, so my sisters and I have been poking at it a bit but I'm not sure we'll ever find out.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
I have a weird backstory where I was raised by my paternal grandmother and her husband, who was NOT my paternal grandfather... she refused to explain to me or even her son what the actual story was before she died, so my sisters and I have been poking at it a bit but I'm not sure we'll ever find out.
If you're ok with the privacy concerns, then a DNA test may help - you'll definitely find some cousins (usually many times removed, lol), but it may help figure out the family tree. I did both Ancestry and 23andMe.
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
My sister did Ancestry, we found another half sister that way, but no one has popped up as a potential grandfather or cousin from that side. (Truthfully I’d have rather she hadn’t done that, privacy wise, but...)
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Ancestry gave me nothing, but 23andMe did, since they have different databases. Still, the privacy concerns are important ones - I get it.
The Ancestry stuff does offer a subscription service (I think you get a month free) where you can get tips through old immigration / military / birth and death records, which can help fill some holes.

Good luck with your digging!
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
So this past weekend was the weekend I met my bio dad!

All in all... it was an amazing weekend (excluding the hours-long drive through farmland, and getting stuck in terrible traffic thru the entire state of Delaware on the way back, lol). Lots of emotional stuff that will probably take a while to unpack, but things went really well.

He asked if either I or my mom had tried to contact him, and I explained that my grandmother (who took my mom out of school and brought her home when she found out she was pregnant) was a force to be reckoned with, and from my perspective, she didn't want any contact with him at all. I was told as a small child to never ask about him.

I found out the next day that my mom had sent him a letter saying she was pregnant, but he had been deployed when he received it. He figured he'd come back and do what he needed to do, but when he returned, she was gone (having been taken home by my grandmother), and he had no idea how to contact her. After hearing nothing, he moved on with his life.

Funny to think about the "what ifs" here, although I wouldn't give up what I have now. In a way, I'm glad my mom passed away, since I'm sure this all would have been a lot for her, emotionally.

Found out some not-so-savory information about his family (some serious mental illness, and incest), which is why he and his wife never had kids. Luckily, the things he was worried about didn't pass down to me or my kids.

He and I have pretty much the same sense of humor, and now I can point the finger at him when I need someone to blame for my bad puns and "dad jokes." Lol.

Some other high points:
  • He taught me to fish! We went down to one of the local piers, and I actually caught a little bugger! Tossed him back afterward, but hey - my first fish! He said it was every father's job to teach his kid how to fish. :)
  • I met his wonderful cat (Garfield), and I miss the little fuzzball.
  • We went through his HS yearbooks and talked a lot about his life. Next time I go down that way, I'll have to bring mine and some old pictures.
All in all, it was a super nice weekend. Lots of good conversation, not a whole lot of awkwardness, and we'll definitely be getting together again - probably next month when I drive down with the kids to see my sister (FINALLY).

Crazy, crazy last few months, but amazing that we were able to meet after all this time.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I'm so happy for you, YAH! I'm glad it went well. It's neat that he shares your sense of humor.

That was sweet about the fishing. I bet he's even more excited to have met you than you are to have met him!
 
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