How slow can you go?

R

riftara

New member
Trinity and I have agreed to start things again, very very slowly. Right now, it's just flirting, touching, and closed-mouth kisses. Next is tongue, but she gets to decide when that change is to be made.

After that, I don't know where we will go, but I wanted to ask you all, what are the steps of a relationship to you, broken down as far as you can?
 
I don't think I can itemize it like that.

I can tell you that it took nearly two years for me to feel comfortable enough with Possibility to consider more than a hug or a friendship kiss. Some of this was due to my being new to being actively poly, and some was partly due to a HUGE bump (it would have bottomed out a HumVee) in the road, very early on in our 'getting to now you' stage.

Late last year, we had to take a life-kicking-you-in-the-teeth break for several months and are just now talking about starting things back up.

To summarize, I go slower than a snail with relationships. I've been burned too many times to go any faster.
 
My problem is selfish me wants what we had. I messed things up, though, so her giving me even a little bit of a chance means the world to me.

Is it crazy that I'm jumping for joy to be able to touch her without feeling like I'm overstepping some boundary?
 
Haha, this is going to make me look so bad. :D Sometime during dates 1-3 with a new person, there will be sex. If it's nice and cool, there will be other sex dates and hanging out. After a month or two, there's a check-in on what exactly is going on, if we are FWBs, dating, or in a girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If it's gf/bf stuff, it becomes officially a RELATIONSHIP. And that's about it.

Not of much help to you, I can imagine. Is there a backstory to this situation with her that I can read somewhere?
 
BlackUnicorn said:
Haha, this is going to make me look so bad. :D Sometime during dates 1-3 with a new person, there will be sex. If it's nice and cool, there will be other sex dates and hanging out. After a month or two, there's a check-in on what exactly is going on, if this is FWBs, dating or a girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If it's gf/bf stuff, it becomes officially a RELATIONSHIP.
Click to expand...

Where's the "bad" part? 🤔
 
I think there's some internal conditioning I have that says jumping in the sack with people you've just met is not a good start for a relationship. Or that going slow is preferable to going fast.

As to you, riftara, I just read through your blog and have to say wow. You have a lot on your plate. Mind if I ask if T IDs as bisexual, i.e., is she interested in women on principle, or just you?
 
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