He's on his first date. Mixed feelings.

D

Dune

New member
My partner is out on a date tonight. This is his first time out with another woman since we've been together. When we first started seeing each other, he was involved with another woman, and I had no problems with her whatsoever. However, the idea of him starting something up with someone new has got me a bit nervous, though I'm not sure why. Mentally and emotionally I feel okay about it, but I've been tight-chested all evening.

Has anyone else felt like this, totally fine with a partner's pre-established relationships but uneasy about new ones?

It could be due to the fact that we've just established our feelings for one another and are finally becoming comfortable with the idea: "Yes, this is real. Yes, this is actually happening after all these years," and maybe I want to hold onto that for a little bit. It's still throwing me off though. I told him I was nervous, but that I wanted him to have fun and wished him luck.
 
Um... I am sort of an extreme case. My recommendation would be to find something other than the forum to occupy yourself. Maybe go to a movie or have coffee with a friend if you are uneasy. Sometimes the forums can sweep you up and take you places you wouldn't normally go. I'm thinking this could be one of those times. Stay true to yourself and trust in your partner.
 
Oh, I definitely would go out, but my son is sleeping in the next room, so it isn't really an option.

I am going to take a hot shower and then work on my philosophy paper. Nothing like an ethical debate to take one's mind off the little things.

I love him and trust him, and I know this is what I want. It excites me that he's doing this. It excites me that he is finally allowed to be free to do whatever he wants. His last relationship was incredibly overbearing. He has literally come back to life in the past couple of months. I am so thrilled that I cannot only be a part of his newfound freedom, but that I am a catalyst to the freedom which has turned him back into the incredible man whom I have loved since we were dumbass teenagers.

I guess it's just that first hurdle. The first time you rip off a Band-Aid, and realize it was nowhere near as bad as you worked it up in your head to be.
The real test will be tomorrow when he tells me all about it.
 
I think what you are feeling is normal. Newness can be stressful because you don't know what to expect. Mono is giving some good advice. Treat yourself to some "me time." Do something you enjoy.

I hope it went well.
 
Good advice from both Mono and Quath. For most people new equates scary, that "wiring" thing. I agree with Quath that the best way to initially deal with your particular situation is just to get on with your life as if he were at work or anywhere else.

Tomorrow will be the fun day, when you sit down and share how you both felt at the time, and what it may mean for the future. Exciting stuff. The past is just that, past. What now? That's what matters. :)
 
I'm not mono. I am currently not seeing anyone else. I wanted to take some time for him to develop this relationship without distractions. I was seeing several people casually, and one seriously, when he and I got together. I am the more truly poly one. His interests in other people are more casual than mine are. I have close, intimate, emotional relationships, with great sex as a byproduct. He is the other way around.

Sexually, we are open. If that is taken too far in any kind of relationship it would be a problem. No sluts allowed! We're both in our early 20s, and live in a city full of beautiful people, and have really high libidos. And we understand that.

I think an issue might be that I put my other relations on the back burner to concentrate on my relationship with him, and I'm not getting quite the same back. I never expect it back, but its still a bit of a bummer. It was a choice I made free of external influence and I stand by it. I will give him all of what I have to give him, and he will do the same, even if what we're giving isn't always equal.
 
Dune said:
My partner is out on a date tonight. This is his first time out with another woman since we've been together. When we first started seeing each other he was involved with another woman and I had no problems with her whatsoever. However, the idea of him starting something up with someone new has got me a bit nervous, though I'm not sure why.

Mentally and emotionally I feel okay about it, but I've been tight-chested all evening.

Has anyone else felt this? Totally fine with a partner's pre-established relationships but uneasy about new ones?

It could also be due to the fact that we've just established our feelings for one another and are finally becoming comfortable with the idea that "Yes, this is real, and yes, this is actually happening after all these years," and maybe I want to hold onto that for a little bit. It's still throwing me off. I told him I was nervous, but that I wanted him to have fun and wished him luck.
Click to expand...

Um... yeah. Too funny. Maca's first date was Friday, as well. Yes, I was tense. I slept with my phone in my hand all night. I'd reserved them a hotel room. I was up at 8 am. I was supposed to pick him up there, as I kept the car.

She is a friend of mine. I had no lack of trust or confidence as far as her knowing "her place" or "my place," or whatever. I also have no concern as far as Maca goes. But yes, it was a change, it was new, and it was a little emotional. In fact because it's a change, even if it's a good change, it's still stressful. You are definitely not alone in this feeling.
 
LovingRadiance said:
In fact, because it's a change, even if it's a good change, it's still stressful.

You are definitely not alone in this feeling.
Click to expand...

It's akin to taking a new job, or getting a new boss, or meeting in-laws for the first time, and whole lot of other stuff. The "anxiety of the new," so to speak, for me, involves fervent wishing that all goes well and vague concern that something could go wrong.
 
Wow. It's good to hear about other's feelings about "the new." Thanks.

My wife had her first sexual experience alone with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. They had dated several times before that. I'm the poly one by nature, but I had butterflies. I had to sit and analyze for two days. Much better now.

She had to be totally freaking out. I know she was, because this was the first time ever in her life she had made love alone with another man other than me. All the other times in the past few years have been with either me or the wife of the other guy present.

This was also the first time with someone she really cared about other than me.

So many firsts. So many challenges. Such a wonderful result.
 
My SO is out on his first ever date tonight too, and I too am a bit uncomfortable. I'm not upset, just a bit anxious. I expected this would happen at times, but for some reason I didn't expect it tonight. And I cannot go anywhere either due to children being here.

I am happy for him. He really likes talking to this woman and was pretty excited about getting to spend some time in person with her. It's always nice to see a smiling face and know it is because of being open enough to let the person you love be themselves. But I guess human nature is what it is, and emotions don't always have to make sense. Gonna go shower and do a little spa night for myself to occupy myself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top