Why on earth would she pass of the child as her own child to family, lying all over the place?
You could say, "I do not agree with that. There will be no TTC unless we are all in accord. I am not bringing a child into this world in this manner."
It sounds like before TTC, you all could talk about "being out" and what family support the new child and you each will have. And if you all choose to go forth
without family/community support to bring a new child into being, you could go knowing exactly what you
do have resource-wise, and without hoohah or surprises ahead.
Presort it
before bring the kid into it. Not just what to call the parents, what to tell the extended relatives, or how to pay for prenatal and postnatal care, but how child custody would play out if this polyship folds later down the line. Already you think it isn't going to fly if there aren't changes, so don't add another player (the baby) to mix at this time, until you talk all this stuff out.
IMO, it's poor family planning to raise a child in poor physical and psychological environmental health if you can prevent it, improve upon it, sort it out beforehand. Dealing with children is time intensive. Nursing and raising a newborn is super time intensive. You don't need drama on top of that.
Being unwilling to create a healthy space for a child to come into being, and facing problems by telling new lies, just smell of more problems down the road.
Big red flag. Tread with caution.
