Thanks for your input willowstar, I will add your votes to the thread totals.
I observe that in most cases, polyamorists have a strong reaction against cheating because all too often the naysayers out there will associate poly with cheating, or consider it to be the same thing. If we don't have knowledge and consent to distinguish us from cheaters, what do we have?
It's a big enough deal that DADT arrangements are generally frowned upon by polyamorists. Yet, a lot of poly folks have a little bit of DADT in them; that is, they don't want to hear every detail of their partner's encounters. So it's not 100% certain where you draw the line on how much you should tell your partner, and specific cases often need to be examined on their own unique merits. Many of us will end up asking ourselves, "Is this something xe would want me to tell hir?"
Also I agree with you that in a particularly volatile monogamous relationship, such as where the man is capable of violence, your options are arguably more limited with respect to affairs and confessing to them. Although I also think that in that kind of relationship, I would advise finding a way to get away from that guy regardless what may go down as far as affairs are concerned.
I observe that in most cases, polyamorists have a strong reaction against cheating because all too often the naysayers out there will associate poly with cheating, or consider it to be the same thing. If we don't have knowledge and consent to distinguish us from cheaters, what do we have?
It's a big enough deal that DADT arrangements are generally frowned upon by polyamorists. Yet, a lot of poly folks have a little bit of DADT in them; that is, they don't want to hear every detail of their partner's encounters. So it's not 100% certain where you draw the line on how much you should tell your partner, and specific cases often need to be examined on their own unique merits. Many of us will end up asking ourselves, "Is this something xe would want me to tell hir?"
Also I agree with you that in a particularly volatile monogamous relationship, such as where the man is capable of violence, your options are arguably more limited with respect to affairs and confessing to them. Although I also think that in that kind of relationship, I would advise finding a way to get away from that guy regardless what may go down as far as affairs are concerned.