Ladies: your favorite bio in polygroup links?

O

OldPod

New member
Might you give me a sense of what an appealing bio posting to a relationship-seeking site looks like?

Guess I'm ready to take the plunge given the thoughtful and insightful responses from Magdlyn, kdt26417, HappilyFallenAngel, nycindie and others.

So, after my wife and I have our polyamory discussion, I'm going to look for a (female) kindred spirit starting with the links that kdt26417 provided and the 8 guidelines I found somewhere in a www.polyamory.com forum (1. Read entire profile ... 2. Comment on the things you liked ... et. al).

But I'm concerned about providing too much, or too little, information. So, to avoid coming across like the south end of a north going donkey, I'm hoping you have some examples to share.

My focus is sharing activities and interests. And trying new ones. Intimacy may or may not be part of, but not the main purpose of, the relationship.

~Brian
 
OldPod said:
Might you give me a sense of what an appealing bio posting to a relationship-seeking site looks like?

Guess I'm ready to take the plunge ......
Click to expand...
Brian, we have been talking about that in this thread where there are some concrete suggestons.


OldPod said:
But I'm concerned about providing too much, or too little, information. So, to avoid coming across like the south end of a north going donkey, I'm hoping you have some examples to share.

My focus is sharing activities and interests. And trying new ones. Intimacy may or may not be part of, but not the main purpose of, the relationship.
Click to expand...
I'd say to err on the side of too much. A sparsely filled out profile always indicates emotional laziness or reticence to me. You may very well sound like a nutcase to some women, but you're not looking to be understood by everyone, you're looking for good matches. I get many comments from men who are intrigued but just can't wrap their heads around an open marriage that is happy. I'm sure I sound bizzare to them. That's OK. I'm looking for people who resonate with where and who I am right now, not for fans. Write as much as you feel inspired to. Very, very few profiles I come across veer into TMI. Most don't say nearly enough.

And...intimacy is the focus of 99.9% of the people on dating sites. The extent and type varies, of course, but hardly anyone is on a dating site purely to find non-intimate friends for shared activities. Lots of people say things like "I'm looking for a great person to do XXX with. Let's meet and see where it goes!" trying to keep the profile light and low pressure. Fair enough, but the truth is that almost everyone on there wants to find mutually satsfying, intimate, sexual match(es).
 
Last edited:
HappilyFallenAngel said:
Brian, we have been talking about that in this thread where there are some concrete suggestons.
Click to expand...
Aha! So that's where the 8 suggestions I found originated (author: SmileTexas)

Still, knowing the "ingredients" for a worthwhile posting in a relationship link and actually "baking" a compelling bio are not necessarily the same thing ... so I am looking for some examples (which I promise not to plagerize.)
And...intimacy is the focus of 99.9% of the people on dating sites.
Click to expand...
So I would have minimized that in my bio. Thank you!

What a wonderful and helpful site this is.

~Brian
 
Last edited:
Hi Brian,

Alas, I zapped my OKCupid account a long time ago, so I can't direct you to the bio/self-summary I had there. Although if I remember right, OKCupid does a pretty good job of giving you suggestions of stuff to put in your profile.

You can find me on FetLife too, same username, although I'm not looking for dates so my self-summary page there is moderate. I have a Facebook account too but I really keep that down to the bare minimum.

I actually think part of the secret is to have a little fun making your profile and putting what you want to put in it ... mixed of course with suggestions you get that you like. Also, let's say you're making an OKC profile. Take some time exploring other OKC profiles, decide which ones you like, and follow their lead a little bit.

Definitely make sure your profile tells people that you're poly (or want to be poly)!

Hope that helps,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you all. My delay in response is due to tracking your suggested links (and the links within those links ....) and thinking about your responses.

So what do you think of my taking your suggestions, putting together a bio and posting it here for review and pointers? :eek: (And if that's appropriate, should it be on this thread or a new one?)

~Brian
 
OldPod said:
Thank you all. My delay in response is due to tracking your suggested links (and the links within those links ....) and thinking about your responses.

So what do you think of my taking your suggestions, putting together a bio and posting it here for review and pointers? :eek: (And if that's appropriate, should it be on this thread or a new one?)

~Brian
Click to expand...

Go for it, I love to edit others' writings. Yes, I am a teacher.

IMO, just post it here in your existing thread.
 
OldPod, aren't you putting the cart before the horse with writing a profile for a dating site at this point? Or maybe I missed something... I didn't see any post from you saying that you spoke to your wife about polyamory yet. Have you talked? Has she consented?
 
nycindie said:
OldPod, aren't you putting the cart before the horse with writing a profile for a dating site at this point? Or maybe I missed something... I didn't see any post from you saying that you spoke to your wife about polyamory yet. Have you talked? Has she consented?
Click to expand...

Watchin' after me are ya? :)

No, I haven't spoken to my wife about it yet. For one thing she is preoccupied with a brother in the hospital.

To your concern, I will not be posting anywhere but here until we do have that conversation. But once we do, I want to have something that I won't be embarrassed to post. (again, except here).
 
Magdlyn said:
Go for it, I love to edit others' writings. Yes, I am a teacher.
Click to expand...
Here is an early draft. Please be brutal.
***
Renaissance Man
I'm frequently called that because of my enthusiasm for my many interests. Whereas a true Renaissance Man is an expert in several areas, I rather more enjoy the adventure than the accomplishments.
Here are some basics:
About me
70 year old male hetero.
5'11”, 175 lbs, waist: 34” , BMI: 24.4.
College grad (Minnesota – Twin Cities, B.A.)
Father of 3, Grandfather (“Papa”) of 4.
Eyes brown, hair (naturally) grey. Small bald spot that takes care of the cowlick.
Non-smoker for over 20 years.
Two glasses of cabernet sauvignon is good, three is too many, four is not enough.
Plays well with others.
Sense of humor: Have one (Well, you decide).
Looking for a polyamorous, co-primary, kindred spirit
And you?
Female between 60 and 75?
Any height / weight but under 26 BMI?
A college graduate?
A smoker/non-smoker, moderate drinker/non-drinker?
Willing to laugh at my witticisms?
Open for middle of the day and/or weekend activities?
Looking for polyamorous, co-primary relationship(s)?

I do find a wide variety of challenging interests quite invigorating. But if money and talent were not constraints but limited to four things, I'd go with on-stage actor, sailing, live classical and jazz music and writer. My work schedule precludes weekday evening activities which, nevertheless, allows me to attend (albeit not to perform in) community theatre, to utilize my DuPage Orchestra membership, to participate in a monthly midday book discussion group, to take a 3K to 5K daily walk (weather permitting) and so on. I'm even taking an online jazz piano course and am scheduled for a woodcarving class in March.
One of my greatest thrills is a woman who likes being treated like a lady. Who expects me to stand when she enters the room. Who graciously allows me to open doors and seat her. Who enjoys receiving a flower or a card for no particular reason. And who marvels at the gifts I make for her (before she hides them in the back of a dresser drawer.)
Before retirement (if you can call working almost forty hours a week “retirement”) I had a very satisfying 35 year career as a computer mainframe software architect and analyst. In addition to a variety of workplace challenges, I also had the pleasure of serving as an adjunct instructor, a speaker at an international conference, a board member of multiple trade associations and seeing my articles and interviews published in trade periodicals.

So, what do you think we ought to do next?
 
Seems good to me (but I'm not good at being brutal :eek:).
 
It looks good to me, except for one thing.

In your first post in this thread (and in your other thread), you stated: "My focus is sharing activities and interests. And trying new ones. Intimacy may or may not be part of, but not the main purpose of, the relationship." Yet you don't really say this in the profile you have written.

You need to be explicitly clear in your profile about what you want and what you don't want.
 
nycindie said:
In your first post in this thread (and in your other thread), you stated: "My focus is sharing activities and interests. And trying new ones. Intimacy may or may not be part of, but not the main purpose of, the relationship."
Click to expand...
Thank you. Precisely the feedback I was hoping for. I also took a phrase from the SoloPoly.net link in your signature block and incorporated 'nonhierarchical, nonexclusive, fully honest relationships' in place of 'co-primary'. Thanks for the link and the feedback
 
nycindie said:
Or maybe I missed something... I didn't see any post from you saying that you spoke to your wife about polyamory yet. Have you talked? Has she consented?
Click to expand...

Spoke to her yesterday. She is surprisingly supportive. And I believe her response is genuine.

Follow up: Wrong again. She countered today with an offer to "free me" if this is what I wanted and that she is "not good enough" for me.

Thank you all for your thoughts, insights and support. And though I am terribly disappointed, I do love her and will now once again to see what adjustments are possible within the mono constraint.
 
Last edited:
OldPod said:
Spoke to her yesterday. She is surprisingly supportive. And I believe her response is genuine.

Follow up: Wrong again. She countered today with an offer to "free me" if this is what I wanted and that she is "not good enough" for me.

Thank you all for your thoughts, insights and support. And though I am terribly disappointed, I do love her and will now once again to see what adjustments are possible within the mono constraint.
Click to expand...

Keep working on it, OldPod. Have you read Opening Up, or More Than Two? It can take months to years to successfully open up. You don't just have to give up and go sit in a corner.
 
It doesn't sound like she's totally against it, but wanted to give you an alternative in case you feel trapped. Keep talking to her about it. many people have had the experience of their monogamous partner reacting with thoughts that they are not enough and a disappointment, and they want the poly partner to be happy - so they say they will set them free. If you let her know you love her and want to stay with her but just want a companion to do things she doesn't enjoy, and keep reinforcing your love for her, she will probably consider other options beside "setting you free," especially since her immediate response was not to be totally opposed to it.
 
Last edited:
Yeah I agree, don't give up yet. Heck if your wife is anything like my metamour, it could take her at least a year to warm up to this poly idea.
 
OldPod said:
And you?
Female between 60 and 75?
Any height / weight but under 26 BMI?
Click to expand...


I have no idea what my BMI is and doubt many people do. You might instead say "healthy and fit" or some such indicator of body condition. "Under 26 BMI" means nothing to me other than assuming you probably have a "not obese" requirement otherwise you'd not be mentioning BMI.

Just an idea for when you get up and running.
 
Or instead of BMI, go ahead and write it out (Body Mass Index).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top