Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

We have company. Snowbunny's sister is visiting all the way from Michigan. She'll be here til the 18th, so bear with me as I get way behind on my Polyamory.com stuff.

It'll be a fun visit; we're all excited.
 
Public Service Announcement: In less than 24 hours, I expect to be on my way to the airport to head down to Utah. I will be gone just over a week, so bear with me while I get over a week behind on my Polyamory.com stuff. I won't be logging in again probably until the 25th (a week from Saturday). I'll be around today/this evening and probably tomorrow morning too. Then I'll be dropping off the map for a week, so don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me.

I have a brother in prison and I promised I would show up at his parole hearing. In addition I'll be spending time with my "Vashon brother and his wife." They have a house in Utah so I'll be staying with them there. I presume I'll be visiting various other family members. Anyway, that's the plan.

The visit with Snowbunny's sister went well. We went to the Pike Place Market in Seattle, of course, as well as hitting like half a dozen Goodwill shops.
 
good luck keeping yourself sane in utah. :) Wave a general hello to my extended family in utah when passing through. lol.

I wanted to chime in after reading abot all the mormon stuff. It was heavy and quite a lot to get through. However now that I have, I can say for me leaving hte churhc was becuase of Polygamy. Bt not because I disagreed with anyone practicing it, (except for the ages and non consent manipulation part), I just didnt think it was fair that the women weren;t allowed to be with other women, or have multiple men if they so wanted. Fairs fair right? This fed into mistreatment of LGBTQ community, and women's rights. (Can't get to heaven without a man??- i stressed the most about this one trying to set up my mom with mormon men, then convert them, then marrying a horrible abusive man jst to make sure I did go to heaven.)

So anyway, the straw for me that broke the camels back is I chose to try it one more time in uk, and while there got approached by a man to be his secret second wife. I told the church and he was on the panel to give me disciplinary hearing!!! I was like WTF? So, yeah, after htat I my divorice came through and I realised I needed to divorice hte LDS church at the same time...ugh. I will never live in utah again even though my mother, brother, and step family llive there. That place depresses the hell out of me.
 
Yeah, I was going to move back to Utah for awhile, but then I (too) realized the place was too depressing. I grew up in Highland which was a sleepy farm town. Now it's a giant urban suburb if that makes sense. The farms and wild places are gone. Traffic is insane and every block has an LDS chapel. Ow, my eyes.

Sounds like you had a rough go of it, finding your way out of the church. I agree the church's so-called "polygamy" was a joke. Lots of dysfunctional history there.

My trip went better than expected, but I'm glad to be back. Washington State is so much better suited for a polyamorous atheist like me.
 
I actually don't mind the beauty of the architecture and landscape, if the society wasn't so strange I really would love the rest of it.

I am glad you had a good trip! I heard only a few weeks ago there was still snow, was it warmer when you went out? I prefer Seattle too! It's a gorgeous city , England reminds me a lot of it. Similar in the poly atheism lifestyle!

What are your plans for the summer the three of you?
 
No plans. We live a boring life.

It was temperate when I was in Utah. The only snow was up in the mountains.

I like the church's old architecture better than the new. Especially temples; for awhile there every new temple was very unique. But now the church has started normalizing everything. Every building has the same blueprint.
 
I was just lurking/reading some of your posts, including the Mormon/Utah connection. I am not Mormon, but grew up in Utah and was just visiting, about the time you were, for my Mom's birthday. I can say that being in Utah as a non-Mormon is about as good an antidote for religion as one can get. I had way too many friends extol the virtues of the church in speech and in deeds do just the opposite. Of course, it's no different in any religion, I suppose, but that exposure, along with my curiosity across the board about religion led me to keep seeking and seeking only to finally accept that I am an atheist. How liberating.

I tend to be the questioner ... and since my sex life in marriage has been pretty sucky, wondered if some opening would help. I'm reading both "Sex at Dawn" and "The Ethical Slut" ... with nods of affirmation along the way. And, going to therapy to see if I can salvage a sexless marriage or hinge it (ideally I'd prefer the latter, but that's a tough road, especially for a shy introverted guy like me); which is to say I've not brought it up with my wife yet. See the details in my initial thread, if you need/want reminding:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/search.php?searchid=536986

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for sharing all that and that I've really enjoyed reading your posts and those of many others on this site. It has been really interesting and broadens my perspective and understanding of relationships, including my own ;).
 
Hi ambivulous,

I have been gratified to find out that others here have shared a Mormon/Utahn background/perspective with me. Living in Utah and being exposed to the church is hard to understand and appreciate, I think, unless you've been through it.

Sex at Dawn and Ethical Slut are good books. I especially like the way Sex at Dawn challenges common perceptions. Also I think it's smart on your part to continue with therapy and hopefully get counsel on how and when to bring it up with your wife.

I think Polyamory.com has helped many people ... Glad to hear it's helped you as well.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
PSA: I am leaving tomorrow to go to Utah for about a week, and I will be away from my computer till September 8 at least. So, I won't be posting any posts during that time (and won't be reading any posts during that time). I will start to catch up after I get back, but please be patient because it will certainly take me awhile.

The main reason for this trip is to visit my brother who is in prison. I will also visit other various family members. I'll be staying with my older brother, the one who lives on Vashon Island, for he has a house in Utah as well. His wife will be joining us for part of the trip.

Sorry I post so seldom on this blog ... posting about everyday things just ain't my cuppa, and I rarely have anything momentous to say. Ironically, most of my posts would be reports of what I am doing on this forum ... and if you'll click on http://www.polyamory.com/forum/search.php?do=finduser&u=47455 that info is already handily available.

The most exciting thing I can tell you is that the time is approaching for me to get my own ¾ bath attached to my bedroom. Exciting and a little stressful. Please God don't let my cat get out while the workmen are working.

It's supposed to take them about a week to do the whole job. I'm not sure exactly when that will happen. In a month or so? I have no idea.

Well, there you go, my latest update.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Gah I can't take it anymore! Why is everything always *imploding* these days? What's wrong with "exploding?" Do relationships *literally* implode? What does that look like? Do all the participants get crushed together?

Do we all live in a bunch of yellow submarines? Sheesh.
 
I've received a request to finally update this blog, so okay okay, I will do it ...

Good news and bad news ...

Good news: I now have my own attached ¾ bath ... and I think all the significant kinks have been worked out of it. This means significantly more privacy for me. I love it! They did a good job on it. The space that became my bathroom was a claustrophobic kitchen and opened up to the main area of the house. Now it's closed off on that side, and they cut a doorway into my bedroom.

Bad news: My brother and sister-in-law broke up. They'll probably get a divorce. Sigh. I still like both of them, and will continue to visit both of them. But my brother will probably be spending much more time in Utah and much less time in Washington. We attended a party at his now-ex's house about a week ago, on Vashon island. She will probably be moving off the island, to somewhere not far south of Seattle.

Poly-wise, as far as my V is concerned, things are chugging along peacefully. Brother-Husband and Snowbunny are off to visit Ikea in Seattle today. I get the house to myself, woo-hoo! Brother-Husband is between jobs, was at Home Depot but starting Monday will be at Lowe's. Snowbunny has a steady gig at a credit union. I continue to be "retired" and on disability. Yes we have three pets, two cats, and me. What can I say, it works for us.

This concludes my riport.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hey, you got your bathroom! Whoo! I know you were really looking forward to that.

I'm sorry your brother and sister-in-law are divorcing. That's hard.
 
Yeah, the divorce is a bummer. I want to maintain a neutral position or at least not have my sympathetic remarks passed back and forth between them. I prefer not to place blame, they both have their good points and bad and I just chalk this up to incompatibility. But things are a bit weird and hostile between them right now, and it will be hard to keep what I say to one from leaking to the other. Bleah.

What used to be our kitchen was really cramped with old scary cupboards lining both walls. Once those were torn down, there was a much roomier area for my bathroom. Then, Brother-Husband and Snowbunny built a much roomier, open kitchen along one wall of our house's large central area. Everybody wins.
 
I like that you're blogging again.

I have a question: what makes it a 3/4 bathroom? I think a 1/2 bath is usually just a bathroom and sink, aka a powder room, but what makes yours have another 1/4 in it? Do you have a shower and/or tub as well as toilet and sink? If so, I would just consider that a regular full bath.

Just curious.
 
As I understand it, it works like this:

  • A ½ bath has a toilet and a sink, but no tub/shower.
  • A ¾ bath has a toilet, sink, and shower, but no tub.
  • A full bath has all of those things including a tub.
Luckily for me I am a shower type of guy, so I don't need a tub. And the shower I now have is pretty nice, especially considering how space was at a premium.

Heck if I had a tub, I reckon I'd have a shower curtain. I hate shower curtains. This way, instead of curtains I have two sliding glass doors. I'm quite pleased about that.
 
Oh, I see. That makes sense. I never thought of those elements - sink, toilet, tub, shower - in quarters before, lol. I guess if a bathroom had a bidet, too, but no tub, it would be a 4/5 bath!

I live in an apartment that has a very tiny bathroom, but one of the things I really appreciate about it is that the tub has sliding glass doors rather than a shower curtain rod. I've lived here for many, many years and love that I've never had to deal with cleaning or replacing a shower curtain in all this time. Cleaning the glass is much easier. Plus I hate when the shower curtain blows in and touches your legs while showering.
 
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